lady who tutted at me for using disabled toilet

To the woman who tutted at me using the disabled toilets…

Dear lady who loudly tutted at me using the disabled loos,

I know you saw me running in, with my able bodied legs and all. You saw me opening the door with my two working arms. You saw me without a wheelchair. Without any visible sign of disability.

You tutted loudly as I rattled the handle with my hands that work perfectly and my able voice call to my kids that I’d be out in just a minute.

My lack of wheelchair may have suggested to you that I was some lazy cow who didn’t care. Some inconsiderate bitch who was using something I wasn’t entitled too. (I actually carry a card to explain that I’m entitled to and have a disability key if you’d have cared to ask). You may have seen my face blushing as I caught your eye and assumed I was showing guilt at blagging the disabled loos.

The fact is that I have no bowel. I have a pouch formed from my small intestine which can’t handle volume and so I have to go to the toilet and poo several times a day. My lack of large intestine means that my stool is totally liquid as I have no means of absorbing the fluids in food and so its really hard to hold it when I need to go.

I sometimes have accidents which means a large toilet that has a sink right by me means I can clean myself up when things go awry.

I hate having to use the disabled loos as I have to deal with people like you staring, nudging, tutting. And whenever I can, I use the ladies toilets. Just so you know, disabled loos usually smell bad and don’t seem to be cleaned as often or as well as the ladies and so I wouldn’t choose this option unless totally necessary.

Whilst I’m at it, I’d like to address the cleaner in the supermarket ladies toilets I used this week. As I ran in, knees together, bursting through the door and running to the cubicle, I’m sorry that the noise of my (lack of) bowels made you burst out laughing.

I can actually take the sniggering as since I had a pouch made from my small intestine because my disease ridden colon was removed during surgery, the noise I make when I defecate is hilariously loud. Seriously, I get it. It’s comedic in it’s volume.

But before you ran outside the loos and called to your friend “OH MY GOD! You should hear the noise in there!!! I wouldn’t go in if I was you!!!!” Perhaps you could have noted my daughter who was waiting outside with our trolley because her mum had had to leave her stranded to run to the toilet. Perhaps you could have stopped and heard me sobbing with pain because the acid in my stools has no way to be neutralised because I don’t have a large intestine and so opening my bowels actually burns my skin.

Perhaps you both could have shown a little empathy, a little compassion, a little understanding.

Poo is funny. Disability is confusing.

I get that.

But humanity and care for fellow human beings is a choice.

To everyone else reading this, the next time you see someone who doesn’t “look disabled” using a toilet.

Or someone bursting through and crashing into the toilets noisily.

Take a moment. Remember that not all people who have the right to use disabled toilets are in a wheelchair. Some of us have a jpouch, a lot of us have an Ostomy bag that needs emptying and changing with the use of space, a sink and a bin. And even more of us just don’t want to shit our pants in public.

Think about the nearly 300,000 people in this country who have inflammatory bowel disease (not to mention the huge number of people with IBS!!!) who need to use the toilet urgently, noisily, smellily…

It’s an embarrassing enough thing to deal with before having to see disapproving looks or hear your laughs and jeering remarks.

Be kind yo…

Peace out

Sam xxxxx

1775 replies
  1. Shell
    Shell says:

    Oooh this type of thing makes me sooooooooooo maaaaad !!!!!!! I swear if I still had an ileostomy bag ever got tutted at for using a disable loo I would whop my bag out and flash it off it that inconsiderate and insentitive individual …. Tricky with a j pouch but if I could show um and shame um I would ….. Maybe the next time this happens to me I’ll pull up my t shirt and show off my scars ….. These people deserve to be made to feel embarrassed by their inconsiderate behaviour ……. Sorry your feeling rough Sam and that uve had to deal with such bloomin ignorant people………..PS If it’s any consolation I have a majorly sore ass this evening due to chocolate abuse ( will I ever learn ?) …. Shell x

    Reply
    • puddin
      puddin says:

      I sometimes go in there because my knees are full of arthritis and I have trouble getting up so I use the rails..got to do what you got to do. God bless you, and I hope people will learn not to judge by what they see on the outside, there are also aliments that are not visible to everyone. And most people who go to those washrooms have a reason, so don’t be so quick to judge others..

      Reply
  2. Shell
    Shell says:

    Oooh this type of thing makes me sooooooooooo maaaaad !!!!!!! I swear if I still had an ileostomy bag ever got tutted at for using a disable loo I would whop my bag out and flash it off it that inconsiderate and insentitive individual …. Tricky with a j pouch but if I could show um and shame um I would ….. Maybe the next time this happens to me I’ll pull up my t shirt and show off my scars ….. These people deserve to be made to feel embarrassed by their inconsiderate behaviour ……. Sorry your feeling rough Sam and that uve had to deal with such bloomin ignorant people………..PS If it’s any consolation I have a majorly sore ass this evening due to chocolate abuse ( will I ever learn ?) …. Shell x

    Reply
    • puddin
      puddin says:

      I sometimes go in there because my knees are full of arthritis and I have trouble getting up so I use the rails..got to do what you got to do. God bless you, and I hope people will learn not to judge by what they see on the outside, there are also aliments that are not visible to everyone. And most people who go to those washrooms have a reason, so don’t be so quick to judge others..

      Reply
  3. gutsygeordie
    gutsygeordie says:

    I got shouted at in ikea for this by an elderly lady. I was with my mother who started to explain that I have an ileostomy bag but she wasn’t listening to that ‘horse shit’ as she called it. So I whipped it out in front of the while store. I was so incensed I wasn’t the slightest bit embarrassed. She was though!! These people need showing up for the ignorant twats what they are!

    Reply
  4. gutsygeordie
    gutsygeordie says:

    I got shouted at in ikea for this by an elderly lady. I was with my mother who started to explain that I have an ileostomy bag but she wasn’t listening to that ‘horse shit’ as she called it. So I whipped it out in front of the while store. I was so incensed I wasn’t the slightest bit embarrassed. She was though!! These people need showing up for the ignorant twats what they are!

    Reply
  5. Tony
    Tony says:

    I hope she reads this Sam, and is suitably ashamed of herself. I have a urostomy pouch which is difficult enough to deal with, but far more easily manageable. My weakness is too much beer, too quickly, have to run to fix the leak!
    All power to you Sam, and you too, Gutsygeordie! xx

    Reply
  6. Tony
    Tony says:

    I hope she reads this Sam, and is suitably ashamed of herself. I have a urostomy pouch which is difficult enough to deal with, but far more easily manageable. My weakness is too much beer, too quickly, have to run to fix the leak!
    All power to you Sam, and you too, Gutsygeordie! xx

    Reply
  7. H x
    H x says:

    Sad to hear you have to put up with this kind of crap (no pun intended!) from people who assume the worst, probably based on their own actions. But glad to hear you and others are standing up to it and reminding people not to judge books by their cover, so to speak. Hope you are feeling better soon Sam, and much love and respect to you (and all who suffer). Xx

    Reply
  8. H x
    H x says:

    Sad to hear you have to put up with this kind of crap (no pun intended!) from people who assume the worst, probably based on their own actions. But glad to hear you and others are standing up to it and reminding people not to judge books by their cover, so to speak. Hope you are feeling better soon Sam, and much love and respect to you (and all who suffer). Xx

    Reply
  9. unexpectedmonkeys
    unexpectedmonkeys says:

    It sucks that people jump to judgement like that. It really does.
    I used to get funny looks using disabled toilets (for other reasons) before I was in a wheelchair – including once having somebody being quite rude to me when I left the toilet.
    I held my tongue but felt like suggesting they try involuntarily banging their head repeatedly against a small toilet stall wall (among other things).

    Reply
  10. unexpectedmonkeys
    unexpectedmonkeys says:

    It sucks that people jump to judgement like that. It really does.
    I used to get funny looks using disabled toilets (for other reasons) before I was in a wheelchair – including once having somebody being quite rude to me when I left the toilet.
    I held my tongue but felt like suggesting they try involuntarily banging their head repeatedly against a small toilet stall wall (among other things).

    Reply
  11. Ivor H
    Ivor H says:

    I have a colostomy and also have had the ‘stare’ when using the disabled toilets. I am tempted to take up my daughter’s suggestion to wear a T-shirt with “I shit through my stomach – Is that disabled enough for you?’ written on it to ‘flash’ at people who should know better. 🙂 Ivor H

    Reply
  12. Ivor H
    Ivor H says:

    I have a colostomy and also have had the ‘stare’ when using the disabled toilets. I am tempted to take up my daughter’s suggestion to wear a T-shirt with “I shit through my stomach – Is that disabled enough for you?’ written on it to ‘flash’ at people who should know better. 🙂 Ivor H

    Reply
  13. Kat
    Kat says:

    As someone who has had chronic IBS for over the last ten years I can totally empathise with this. Just the other day I had to to tell one of my friends not judge a person who used a disabled toilet “because she didn’t look disabled” because the person might have had a debilitating stomach condition that caused them to need to use the disabled toilets. I hope my friend understands that now, and I wish Sam (whom this story is about) all the best.

    Reply
    • Lindsey
      Lindsey says:

      I have this same issue. Trust me, while I look able bodied you do not want to be around when I can’t get the first available toilet. People are so terribly rude.

      Reply
  14. Kat
    Kat says:

    As someone who has had chronic IBS for over the last ten years I can totally empathise with this. Just the other day I had to to tell one of my friends not judge a person who used a disabled toilet “because she didn’t look disabled” because the person might have had a debilitating stomach condition that caused them to need to use the disabled toilets. I hope my friend understands that now, and I wish Sam (whom this story is about) all the best.

    Reply
    • Lindsey
      Lindsey says:

      I have this same issue. Trust me, while I look able bodied you do not want to be around when I can’t get the first available toilet. People are so terribly rude.

      Reply
  15. Katie
    Katie says:

    Thankyou!!! I had a car accident 3 months ago( the week before Christmas) that left me barely able to walk for a couple weeks, in and out of the hospital for nerve damage and early heart failure, and in severe pain. I lost most of the ability to hold my bladder, which I am slowly regaining; and got yelled at (in front of the 1 year old I nanny) for using the disabled toilets to change my adult diaper. I am 20. As if it wasn’t a hard enough situation when I live in a different country to my entire family, but to also be abused while trying to clean myself up and get on with my life is not something anyone should have to deal with! I wish people would stop and think that’s in they don’t know all the details and just leave people be.

    Reply
  16. Katie
    Katie says:

    Thankyou!!! I had a car accident 3 months ago( the week before Christmas) that left me barely able to walk for a couple weeks, in and out of the hospital for nerve damage and early heart failure, and in severe pain. I lost most of the ability to hold my bladder, which I am slowly regaining; and got yelled at (in front of the 1 year old I nanny) for using the disabled toilets to change my adult diaper. I am 20. As if it wasn’t a hard enough situation when I live in a different country to my entire family, but to also be abused while trying to clean myself up and get on with my life is not something anyone should have to deal with! I wish people would stop and think that’s in they don’t know all the details and just leave people be.

    Reply
  17. Justin Case
    Justin Case says:

    Just a thought. People can only use the one sense that is available when seeing you enter a disabled toilet. Their sight. They are not mind readers. Maybe cut them some slack. If everyone restrained from commenting on “able bodied” people using your special toilet you may find more of these unthoughtful creatures filling your toilets in your moment of need.

    Reply
    • No good case
      No good case says:

      Turn that thought around. Those people commenting and tutting don’t have X-ray vision, yet whilst being aware of that they assume the right to judge others’ actions. If they make a judgement on a situation that’s none of their business then they get to live with the consequences. Fuck them and fuck cutting them some slack, and fuck you for demanding that disabled people should also to be enlightened saints to make room for the thoughtless, arrogant cunts that you’re apologising for.

      Reply
      • floellabenjamin
        floellabenjamin says:

        I have every respect for humans, be them able bodied, disabled, black, white, gender, religion…what i do not have respect for is someone who has to swear at others to try to get their point across because then you lose your argument (yes, even when frustrated) So now i wont bother reading anymore of this post!

        Reply
    • sophiewophster
      sophiewophster says:

      Just ask! Id rather not discuss it in front of people, but I get it, people abuse disabled loos/blue badges etc and because of that I will justify it, briefly. That’s assuming you ask in a genuine way, and when I say yeah, I did need to use the loo, or badge or whatever you move on.

      Reply
    • @Mental_Image
      @Mental_Image says:

      If I had shared my pain the way sam did and received this comment I think it would have felt like a slap. (And that you missed the point… that refraining from commenting is a good idea.) I don’t intend to be mean. Just thought I would share how your words made me feel.

      Reply
  18. Justin Case
    Justin Case says:

    Just a thought. People can only use the one sense that is available when seeing you enter a disabled toilet. Their sight. They are not mind readers. Maybe cut them some slack. If everyone restrained from commenting on “able bodied” people using your special toilet you may find more of these unthoughtful creatures filling your toilets in your moment of need.

    Reply
    • No good case
      No good case says:

      Turn that thought around. Those people commenting and tutting don’t have X-ray vision, yet whilst being aware of that they assume the right to judge others’ actions. If they make a judgement on a situation that’s none of their business then they get to live with the consequences. Fuck them and fuck cutting them some slack, and fuck you for demanding that disabled people should also to be enlightened saints to make room for the thoughtless, arrogant cunts that you’re apologising for.

      Reply
      • floellabenjamin
        floellabenjamin says:

        I have every respect for humans, be them able bodied, disabled, black, white, gender, religion…what i do not have respect for is someone who has to swear at others to try to get their point across because then you lose your argument (yes, even when frustrated) So now i wont bother reading anymore of this post!

        Reply
    • sophiewophster
      sophiewophster says:

      Just ask! Id rather not discuss it in front of people, but I get it, people abuse disabled loos/blue badges etc and because of that I will justify it, briefly. That’s assuming you ask in a genuine way, and when I say yeah, I did need to use the loo, or badge or whatever you move on.

      Reply
    • @Mental_Image
      @Mental_Image says:

      If I had shared my pain the way sam did and received this comment I think it would have felt like a slap. (And that you missed the point… that refraining from commenting is a good idea.) I don’t intend to be mean. Just thought I would share how your words made me feel.

      Reply
  19. Lynne
    Lynne says:

    I feel you pain I had a bowel op and have serious lack of control I’ve had to use a disabled loo before and got told by a woman with a stick waiting outside I shouldnt be using the loo, I told her we don’t all have a label or stick to say we need to use the disabled loo as you say out of prefrance I wouldnt

    Reply
  20. Lynne
    Lynne says:

    I feel you pain I had a bowel op and have serious lack of control I’ve had to use a disabled loo before and got told by a woman with a stick waiting outside I shouldnt be using the loo, I told her we don’t all have a label or stick to say we need to use the disabled loo as you say out of prefrance I wouldnt

    Reply
  21. Rory
    Rory says:

    What is our obsession with hiding the fact that we all poo. I just can’t be bothered anymore…. The other day I unleashed the most God awful post-hangover turd into the public toilets of Asda, yes it was loud and people heard and started to laugh. I also started to crack up at myself too. But when I came out the cubicle to meet the audience that just experienced my alcohol abused bowels struggling, I just went with…”Don’t go in there for a few years chaps”. I did it, I let people know that is was me in there and it felt strangely liberating. I walked in that toilet nervous about what people might think of my noisy arse…But I walked out as an honest human who wasn’t afraid to admit that he, like many hideous creatures in the world, shits loudly sometimes.

    Reply
  22. Rory
    Rory says:

    What is our obsession with hiding the fact that we all poo. I just can’t be bothered anymore…. The other day I unleashed the most God awful post-hangover turd into the public toilets of Asda, yes it was loud and people heard and started to laugh. I also started to crack up at myself too. But when I came out the cubicle to meet the audience that just experienced my alcohol abused bowels struggling, I just went with…”Don’t go in there for a few years chaps”. I did it, I let people know that is was me in there and it felt strangely liberating. I walked in that toilet nervous about what people might think of my noisy arse…But I walked out as an honest human who wasn’t afraid to admit that he, like many hideous creatures in the world, shits loudly sometimes.

    Reply
  23. Doreen Harrower
    Doreen Harrower says:

    The disabled toilets are not just for disabled people ,if there is no one waiting they can be used ,just say someone had a sore back and they needed the handles to help them ,you get people who need more room just say because of leg pain and need something to hold on to , I for one would never tut at someone using these toilets as you never know other peoples surcomstances …

    Reply
    • gayle
      gayle says:

      Yes, because “No-one was waiting” is a good reason to use a disabled loo. because “Ooh my back is a little sore” is a good reason to use a disabled loo. I”m afraid that makes my blood boil.

      The next time you pop in because “no-one was waiting” Sam is left without a quick option for a toilet. Or, as happened at the weekend, my five year old nearly wet herself because the disabled toilets were being used by apparently non disabled people. (all be it, I said nothing about it because how could I be sure?). The point being, even if you have a condition where the disabled toilet is a little more convenient to use, if you don’t really need to use it, you shouldn’t. If you can use the other toilets, you should. Because we have no choice, the space, the bars, the higher toilet make it possible for Abby to use the toilet. without them she can’t. So next time you pop in there just because no-one was waiting and your back was a little sore, think of the five year old nearly wetting herself waiting for you.

      (none of this is to say Sam was wrong, my comments are in response to Doreen)

      Reply
      • invisiblegirl420
        invisiblegirl420 says:

        its a toilet come on, everyone that is arguing about “none disabled” using the bathroom just a little tip, those toilets aren’t just made for people that are disabled they are in public restrooms for a reason they’re not for anyone specific just made to be a little easier on the people who need help the signs do say handicap access not handicap only, and just because someone looks fine doesn’t mean they are, everyone has their battles when will we learn not to judge someone and just let people live their lives. everyone should have equal rights to everything and everyone deserves acceptance and to not have to tell everyone whats ‘wrong’ with them so they can use something, you shouldn’t have to justify yourself for anyone EVER.

        Reply
  24. Doreen Harrower
    Doreen Harrower says:

    The disabled toilets are not just for disabled people ,if there is no one waiting they can be used ,just say someone had a sore back and they needed the handles to help them ,you get people who need more room just say because of leg pain and need something to hold on to , I for one would never tut at someone using these toilets as you never know other peoples surcomstances …

    Reply
    • gayle
      gayle says:

      Yes, because “No-one was waiting” is a good reason to use a disabled loo. because “Ooh my back is a little sore” is a good reason to use a disabled loo. I”m afraid that makes my blood boil.

      The next time you pop in because “no-one was waiting” Sam is left without a quick option for a toilet. Or, as happened at the weekend, my five year old nearly wet herself because the disabled toilets were being used by apparently non disabled people. (all be it, I said nothing about it because how could I be sure?). The point being, even if you have a condition where the disabled toilet is a little more convenient to use, if you don’t really need to use it, you shouldn’t. If you can use the other toilets, you should. Because we have no choice, the space, the bars, the higher toilet make it possible for Abby to use the toilet. without them she can’t. So next time you pop in there just because no-one was waiting and your back was a little sore, think of the five year old nearly wetting herself waiting for you.

      (none of this is to say Sam was wrong, my comments are in response to Doreen)

      Reply
      • invisiblegirl420
        invisiblegirl420 says:

        its a toilet come on, everyone that is arguing about “none disabled” using the bathroom just a little tip, those toilets aren’t just made for people that are disabled they are in public restrooms for a reason they’re not for anyone specific just made to be a little easier on the people who need help the signs do say handicap access not handicap only, and just because someone looks fine doesn’t mean they are, everyone has their battles when will we learn not to judge someone and just let people live their lives. everyone should have equal rights to everything and everyone deserves acceptance and to not have to tell everyone whats ‘wrong’ with them so they can use something, you shouldn’t have to justify yourself for anyone EVER.

        Reply
  25. aturtle05
    aturtle05 says:

    As an arthritis sufferer, with a wife with a pouch, I know exactly how it feels. I have had to field the “But she isn’t disabled” comments for her, and I’ve had enough of the “You don’t need that stick/those crutches, you don’t look disabled” too.

    Invisible disabilities like ours often make me want to get a shirt with “You can’t see my disability, but I can hear yours!”

    Reply
  26. aturtle05
    aturtle05 says:

    As an arthritis sufferer, with a wife with a pouch, I know exactly how it feels. I have had to field the “But she isn’t disabled” comments for her, and I’ve had enough of the “You don’t need that stick/those crutches, you don’t look disabled” too.

    Invisible disabilities like ours often make me want to get a shirt with “You can’t see my disability, but I can hear yours!”

    Reply
  27. sophiewophster
    sophiewophster says:

    I get yelled at all the time. I don’t need to use the disabled loos all the time, if my breathing is bad or my heart is struggling then I use whichever is closest out of necessity, if my joints aren’t putting in the effort I need something to push up on or pull up on (don’t tell my Physio I pull up on stuff!) so it depends on what there is in the regular loos, and if I need to give myself an injection (best done in thighs, but can be done in my arms if it needs to be done in public) I use the baby changing which is often also the disabled because I have a surface to make clean and mix and prep on (it’s a two bottle two needle and a syringe job). I also have a blue badge due to my breathing stuff. My mates have actually asked me to drop them off first if I’m gonna park with the badge because they don’t wanna be seen getting out of the car. People yell at me all the time. I have been going to the loo in m&s and an old lady was UTTERLY vile to me, not just telling me not to use the loos but ripping apart everything about me and my parents. So I stopped in the middle of the cafe, crying (I didn’t have enough blood pressure to be dealing with her that day)m sat down and proceeded to sterilise a meal tray and mix up the injections and then stab my arm. And then crawled over to a chair to push myself up and walked off. She looked incredibly guilty and was getting evils from people in the cafe but it wasn’t a fun moment ’cause I hate making a scene. Afterwards it’s quite satisfying and I have learnt to have a thick skin and can now firmly but politely remind people that not everyone is lucky enough to have a healthy body and some of us are born with a lot more challenges than everyone else and not all of them look disabled. And even “I wish I got to get to your age before I was struggling to walk very far” if it fits in. Which usually shuts them up.

    Reply
    • gayle
      gayle says:

      This is my other pet peeve. why do so few disabled loos have shelves, and hooks. all that space but nowhere to hang your coat or change your bag. so frustrating.

      Reply
  28. sophiewophster
    sophiewophster says:

    I get yelled at all the time. I don’t need to use the disabled loos all the time, if my breathing is bad or my heart is struggling then I use whichever is closest out of necessity, if my joints aren’t putting in the effort I need something to push up on or pull up on (don’t tell my Physio I pull up on stuff!) so it depends on what there is in the regular loos, and if I need to give myself an injection (best done in thighs, but can be done in my arms if it needs to be done in public) I use the baby changing which is often also the disabled because I have a surface to make clean and mix and prep on (it’s a two bottle two needle and a syringe job). I also have a blue badge due to my breathing stuff. My mates have actually asked me to drop them off first if I’m gonna park with the badge because they don’t wanna be seen getting out of the car. People yell at me all the time. I have been going to the loo in m&s and an old lady was UTTERLY vile to me, not just telling me not to use the loos but ripping apart everything about me and my parents. So I stopped in the middle of the cafe, crying (I didn’t have enough blood pressure to be dealing with her that day)m sat down and proceeded to sterilise a meal tray and mix up the injections and then stab my arm. And then crawled over to a chair to push myself up and walked off. She looked incredibly guilty and was getting evils from people in the cafe but it wasn’t a fun moment ’cause I hate making a scene. Afterwards it’s quite satisfying and I have learnt to have a thick skin and can now firmly but politely remind people that not everyone is lucky enough to have a healthy body and some of us are born with a lot more challenges than everyone else and not all of them look disabled. And even “I wish I got to get to your age before I was struggling to walk very far” if it fits in. Which usually shuts them up.

    Reply
    • gayle
      gayle says:

      This is my other pet peeve. why do so few disabled loos have shelves, and hooks. all that space but nowhere to hang your coat or change your bag. so frustrating.

      Reply
  29. daniwithms
    daniwithms says:

    Another invisible disability here… I have multiple sclerosis and my bladder doesn’t work, meaning I have to insert a catheter several times a day to empty it. I need the space, light and mirror in a disabled toilet to do this (it’s a pretty fiddly business!). I do wonder if the ‘tutters’ would prefer me to use the mirror above the sinks in the ladies to insert a tube into my urethra? I’m sure they wouldn’t mind washing their hands in the sink where I’ve just had to empty it!

    There are times when I wish MS turned me green or something, so people could see I was struggling.

    Reply
  30. daniwithms
    daniwithms says:

    Another invisible disability here… I have multiple sclerosis and my bladder doesn’t work, meaning I have to insert a catheter several times a day to empty it. I need the space, light and mirror in a disabled toilet to do this (it’s a pretty fiddly business!). I do wonder if the ‘tutters’ would prefer me to use the mirror above the sinks in the ladies to insert a tube into my urethra? I’m sure they wouldn’t mind washing their hands in the sink where I’ve just had to empty it!

    There are times when I wish MS turned me green or something, so people could see I was struggling.

    Reply
  31. Brian
    Brian says:

    I don’t see why disabled toilets can “only” be used by people with a disability. If you look at an access ramp as something similar, it’s built for disabled people, they need it. Able bodied people don’t need it. But you’d not think twice about using it as long as there wasn’t a wheelchair user on it already. Same goes for loos in my opinion. If they’re empty, use them. If there’s a queue, give way.

    Reply
      • Nonya Buizness
        Nonya Buizness says:

        True but you don’t know if all the other’s were in use when the able bodied person got there, do you? When you gotta go, you gotta go. Stomach issues, disability of another kind or not!

        Reply
  32. Brian
    Brian says:

    I don’t see why disabled toilets can “only” be used by people with a disability. If you look at an access ramp as something similar, it’s built for disabled people, they need it. Able bodied people don’t need it. But you’d not think twice about using it as long as there wasn’t a wheelchair user on it already. Same goes for loos in my opinion. If they’re empty, use them. If there’s a queue, give way.

    Reply
      • Nonya Buizness
        Nonya Buizness says:

        True but you don’t know if all the other’s were in use when the able bodied person got there, do you? When you gotta go, you gotta go. Stomach issues, disability of another kind or not!

        Reply
  33. lynn hopper
    lynn hopper says:

    My mum had a colostomy bag due to having bowel cancer which she fought for 2yrs. My mum sadly passed away age 59yrs old. I too saw the way people would look and raise eyebrows when they saw her with a key for the disabled toilet. Makes me so angry. People need to not judge other people and think before they act x

    Reply
  34. lynn hopper
    lynn hopper says:

    My mum had a colostomy bag due to having bowel cancer which she fought for 2yrs. My mum sadly passed away age 59yrs old. I too saw the way people would look and raise eyebrows when they saw her with a key for the disabled toilet. Makes me so angry. People need to not judge other people and think before they act x

    Reply
  35. Charley
    Charley says:

    I have stick now for an unrelated issue which makes life so much less annoying. That said I’m fed up of not being able to buy nice underpants because there’s a better than even chance I’ll have to leave them in a toilet bin.

    Reply
  36. Charley
    Charley says:

    I have stick now for an unrelated issue which makes life so much less annoying. That said I’m fed up of not being able to buy nice underpants because there’s a better than even chance I’ll have to leave them in a toilet bin.

    Reply
  37. Sharyn
    Sharyn says:

    Had an interesting one a few years back. There was a huge queue for the ladies in the interval of a show, and I avoid using the accessible loos when not using a stick because of these attitudes. The usher came along and started directing some of us to the accessible loo in order to get us all reseated for them to restart the show, and my friend and I were directed to queue outside it. When I came out my friend started walking forward to go in, to be shouted at by the usher who had directed her to queue there, because unbeknownst to her a person in a wheelchair had come up behind her. For all the usher could have known the girl in the wheelchair could have had a perfectly healthy digestive system and be completely able to wait her turn like everyone else was, and my friend may have been in dire need because of similar issues to many people here. Yet in that usher’s mind she was ‘Mighty Defender of the Disabled’.

    I also want to know if having an ‘invisible’ disability counts as a superpower.

    Reply
  38. Sharyn
    Sharyn says:

    Had an interesting one a few years back. There was a huge queue for the ladies in the interval of a show, and I avoid using the accessible loos when not using a stick because of these attitudes. The usher came along and started directing some of us to the accessible loo in order to get us all reseated for them to restart the show, and my friend and I were directed to queue outside it. When I came out my friend started walking forward to go in, to be shouted at by the usher who had directed her to queue there, because unbeknownst to her a person in a wheelchair had come up behind her. For all the usher could have known the girl in the wheelchair could have had a perfectly healthy digestive system and be completely able to wait her turn like everyone else was, and my friend may have been in dire need because of similar issues to many people here. Yet in that usher’s mind she was ‘Mighty Defender of the Disabled’.

    I also want to know if having an ‘invisible’ disability counts as a superpower.

    Reply
  39. Jane Dunkley
    Jane Dunkley says:

    I had terrible ulcerative colitis and can totally empathise. I used to carry a card excusing me to the front of the queue but still got ‘oi, there’s a queue you know’ etc etc etc. It’s ignorance (in the not knowing sense of the word) for the majority of people but do they really think that you would do it if you didn’t have to? Let them live with something like that for just 24 hours and see the attitude change!

    Reply
  40. Jane Dunkley
    Jane Dunkley says:

    I had terrible ulcerative colitis and can totally empathise. I used to carry a card excusing me to the front of the queue but still got ‘oi, there’s a queue you know’ etc etc etc. It’s ignorance (in the not knowing sense of the word) for the majority of people but do they really think that you would do it if you didn’t have to? Let them live with something like that for just 24 hours and see the attitude change!

    Reply
  41. Tracey
    Tracey says:

    I’m cross reading this ..Bless you Sam. .. My son is classed as disabled. If i park in a disabled bay i get frowned upon. Or car space for mother and child. He’s able to walk but tires his little legs out bless him. He runs out into the road so I need to be near the pavement. He has no sense of danger. He has global development delay. Aged 10, but really developmentally 4-5. Because he ‘looks normal’ people comment! Ignorance!!!

    Reply
    • Julie
      Julie says:

      My 7 year old little boy has severe autisc spectrum disorder ( more like an 18mth old) , and even though he is in one of those God awfull major buggies we still get dirty looks, using disabled loo’s. He is non-verbal so him being dry night and day is a massive achievement for him, but when he needs to go he really needs to go, or he will drop his pants and go where he is stood,and I have had the you do no this is a disabled parking space? By a 60+ year old woman, who (after a very bad day ful of asd meltdowns which attract even more tuts and stairs and if that was my child comments), was unleashed upon , I gave it to her with both barrels that some children are born with disabilities that cant be seen,and that not all disabilities come due to age or the fact that someone has abused their body’s for years,(where I live you get a lot of old ex drug addicts riding round on mobility scooters)
      Sorry rant over lol
      Julie

      Reply
  42. Tracey
    Tracey says:

    I’m cross reading this ..Bless you Sam. .. My son is classed as disabled. If i park in a disabled bay i get frowned upon. Or car space for mother and child. He’s able to walk but tires his little legs out bless him. He runs out into the road so I need to be near the pavement. He has no sense of danger. He has global development delay. Aged 10, but really developmentally 4-5. Because he ‘looks normal’ people comment! Ignorance!!!

    Reply
    • Julie
      Julie says:

      My 7 year old little boy has severe autisc spectrum disorder ( more like an 18mth old) , and even though he is in one of those God awfull major buggies we still get dirty looks, using disabled loo’s. He is non-verbal so him being dry night and day is a massive achievement for him, but when he needs to go he really needs to go, or he will drop his pants and go where he is stood,and I have had the you do no this is a disabled parking space? By a 60+ year old woman, who (after a very bad day ful of asd meltdowns which attract even more tuts and stairs and if that was my child comments), was unleashed upon , I gave it to her with both barrels that some children are born with disabilities that cant be seen,and that not all disabilities come due to age or the fact that someone has abused their body’s for years,(where I live you get a lot of old ex drug addicts riding round on mobility scooters)
      Sorry rant over lol
      Julie

      Reply
  43. Elizabeth Moody
    Elizabeth Moody says:

    It is ignorance that make small minded people jump to conclusions. My mother dreaded having to use public toilets once she had a a large part of her bowel removed. she hated having a poo bag. she hated the smell. she hated the dreadful noises it made in public. she hated using public loos especially if a queue was gathering outside. She hated having to hold her skiirt in her false teeth while she struggled to empty her bag hoping that in her advancing years that she would manage to direct the poo into the toilet and then the added embarrasment when the toilet failed to work properly and my poor mum had to wait in order to use the flush again and when that failed,
    a very upset and confused and frustrated mum would hurry out of the cubicle,trying not to make eye contact with the ones waiting. Hoping that by some miracle the smell would evaporate before anyone used the loo. She carried wipes in her bag because she couldnt face spending another moment in the ladies to wash her hands. I would often wait outside of her cubicle so that she had my support when I wanted to run from the smell.
    So to those small minded people who tutt and snigger and even hold their nose I say, I do hope that operation doesnt happen to you, but life has a funny way of biting you in the bum!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  44. Elizabeth Moody
    Elizabeth Moody says:

    It is ignorance that make small minded people jump to conclusions. My mother dreaded having to use public toilets once she had a a large part of her bowel removed. she hated having a poo bag. she hated the smell. she hated the dreadful noises it made in public. she hated using public loos especially if a queue was gathering outside. She hated having to hold her skiirt in her false teeth while she struggled to empty her bag hoping that in her advancing years that she would manage to direct the poo into the toilet and then the added embarrasment when the toilet failed to work properly and my poor mum had to wait in order to use the flush again and when that failed,
    a very upset and confused and frustrated mum would hurry out of the cubicle,trying not to make eye contact with the ones waiting. Hoping that by some miracle the smell would evaporate before anyone used the loo. She carried wipes in her bag because she couldnt face spending another moment in the ladies to wash her hands. I would often wait outside of her cubicle so that she had my support when I wanted to run from the smell.
    So to those small minded people who tutt and snigger and even hold their nose I say, I do hope that operation doesnt happen to you, but life has a funny way of biting you in the bum!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  45. aNonyMous
    aNonyMous says:

    This made me really sad to read. I don’t know what’s the matter with some people! More power to you!

    It’s not the same thing, but my partner has a similar issue with disabled parking. He has a prosthetic leg. Sometimes you see people give him dirty looks (he’s big so they wouldn’t say anything!) for walking to and from the disabled space, apparently able-bodied. But he can’t get out of the car in a normal space because there isn’t room for him to fully open the door, and he needs to fully open it to be able to swing his leg out. Just because his disability isn’t immediately obvious, people assume he’s taking a space when he shouldn’t be.

    Reply
    • Melissa Misuraca
      Melissa Misuraca says:

      Once, at a SS office, a woman pulled into the disabled space with no tag at all. It was the only open space close, so she used it. So this guy comes up behind her car and started bawling her out about her entitled behavior as she sat in the car fixing her makeup for 20 minutes while someone else might have needed that spot. She proceeded to ream him a new one about not looking like he needed one either… at which point he reached down and somehow through his pants unlocked his prosthetic leg, leaned on her car, and started BASHING HER CAR WITH HIS PROSTHETIC LEG screaming about how much it hurt to walk through the parking lot because of her. So she gets mad and calls the cops…. who calm the situation down, talk to them both… and proceed to write her a $400 ticket for parking in a disabled place she wasn’t entitled to. 🙂

      Reply
  46. aNonyMous
    aNonyMous says:

    This made me really sad to read. I don’t know what’s the matter with some people! More power to you!

    It’s not the same thing, but my partner has a similar issue with disabled parking. He has a prosthetic leg. Sometimes you see people give him dirty looks (he’s big so they wouldn’t say anything!) for walking to and from the disabled space, apparently able-bodied. But he can’t get out of the car in a normal space because there isn’t room for him to fully open the door, and he needs to fully open it to be able to swing his leg out. Just because his disability isn’t immediately obvious, people assume he’s taking a space when he shouldn’t be.

    Reply
    • Melissa Misuraca
      Melissa Misuraca says:

      Once, at a SS office, a woman pulled into the disabled space with no tag at all. It was the only open space close, so she used it. So this guy comes up behind her car and started bawling her out about her entitled behavior as she sat in the car fixing her makeup for 20 minutes while someone else might have needed that spot. She proceeded to ream him a new one about not looking like he needed one either… at which point he reached down and somehow through his pants unlocked his prosthetic leg, leaned on her car, and started BASHING HER CAR WITH HIS PROSTHETIC LEG screaming about how much it hurt to walk through the parking lot because of her. So she gets mad and calls the cops…. who calm the situation down, talk to them both… and proceed to write her a $400 ticket for parking in a disabled place she wasn’t entitled to. 🙂

      Reply
  47. eric leig
    eric leig says:

    well said lass,i get the same looks because I look perfectly healthy on the outside.i would swop all these people,you lot have my disability,i will have your health.see how many would gladly exchange.i don’t think any would.and again well said.

    Reply
  48. eric leig
    eric leig says:

    well said lass,i get the same looks because I look perfectly healthy on the outside.i would swop all these people,you lot have my disability,i will have your health.see how many would gladly exchange.i don’t think any would.and again well said.

    Reply
  49. Lucy Brown (@CharmedLassie)
    Lucy Brown (@CharmedLassie) says:

    As someone with IBS (obviously nowhere near you in terms of problems and pain) the laughter is something that gets to me. I suppose the benefit of being in a bad way where I’m fighting people on trains to get into the loo is that I don’t notice the attitudes of the people getting in my way! Sorry these situations are recurring for you and many others and sorry that people are…well, idiots.

    Reply
  50. Lucy Brown (@CharmedLassie)
    Lucy Brown (@CharmedLassie) says:

    As someone with IBS (obviously nowhere near you in terms of problems and pain) the laughter is something that gets to me. I suppose the benefit of being in a bad way where I’m fighting people on trains to get into the loo is that I don’t notice the attitudes of the people getting in my way! Sorry these situations are recurring for you and many others and sorry that people are…well, idiots.

    Reply
  51. yvette smirk
    yvette smirk says:

    this makes me do damn cross, just because u cant see the disability dosent mean they dont have one,, lots of people, like myself have an inner disability, i have crohns disease and therefore have a radar key for disabled toilet coz simply when u need to go, u need to go !!!! some people are always too quick to judge, just remember appearances can be very deceiving !!!

    Reply
  52. yvette smirk
    yvette smirk says:

    this makes me do damn cross, just because u cant see the disability dosent mean they dont have one,, lots of people, like myself have an inner disability, i have crohns disease and therefore have a radar key for disabled toilet coz simply when u need to go, u need to go !!!! some people are always too quick to judge, just remember appearances can be very deceiving !!!

    Reply
  53. susan
    susan says:

    Cant imagine how awful this experience was for you and although the pain and way you feel is no comparison to my self I am an IBS sufferer and can relate to the urgency, embarassment etc. Sadly there are ignorant people in this world xx

    Reply
  54. susan
    susan says:

    Cant imagine how awful this experience was for you and although the pain and way you feel is no comparison to my self I am an IBS sufferer and can relate to the urgency, embarassment etc. Sadly there are ignorant people in this world xx

    Reply
  55. chris
    chris says:

    question to a point made a little way up !!!!!! Someone said that use a disabled loo if no-one is using it and all others are full, the reply to that was no don’t do that because then I can’t use it if i need it> My question if you need it and another disabled person is using it what are you going to do then ? I get what you are all saying about dis-abilities and chronic conditions but hey you know what we all get caught short sometimes and if you need to go ,you need to go disabled or not. Now disabled people go on about equality and then want everything their way, how about able bodied people are they not entitled to equality swell. I used to drive a lorry and had to suffer the selfishness of blue badge holders parking quite a lot and actually had to call the police once to try and get a car moved because it was so badly parked. Able bodied or disabled all have the same ability to be selfish rude and obnoxious.

    Reply
    • justamentalpatient
      justamentalpatient says:

      Walk a mile in the shoes of the disabled before criticising. Do disabled folk have equality of opportunity, equal access, equal quality of life to you?

      Word to the wise, you might be disabled one day.

      Reply
  56. chris
    chris says:

    question to a point made a little way up !!!!!! Someone said that use a disabled loo if no-one is using it and all others are full, the reply to that was no don’t do that because then I can’t use it if i need it> My question if you need it and another disabled person is using it what are you going to do then ? I get what you are all saying about dis-abilities and chronic conditions but hey you know what we all get caught short sometimes and if you need to go ,you need to go disabled or not. Now disabled people go on about equality and then want everything their way, how about able bodied people are they not entitled to equality swell. I used to drive a lorry and had to suffer the selfishness of blue badge holders parking quite a lot and actually had to call the police once to try and get a car moved because it was so badly parked. Able bodied or disabled all have the same ability to be selfish rude and obnoxious.

    Reply
    • justamentalpatient
      justamentalpatient says:

      Walk a mile in the shoes of the disabled before criticising. Do disabled folk have equality of opportunity, equal access, equal quality of life to you?

      Word to the wise, you might be disabled one day.

      Reply
  57. Katherine
    Katherine says:

    I do have a disabled toilet key for my autistic daughter. My daughter freaks out if I go in the normal ladies toilets. She is sensitive to sound, so I need to take her in there so she avoids the hand dryers, toilets flushing etc. I would never dis anyone using the disabled toilet. Most disabilities are not physical to see. X

    Reply
  58. Katherine
    Katherine says:

    I do have a disabled toilet key for my autistic daughter. My daughter freaks out if I go in the normal ladies toilets. She is sensitive to sound, so I need to take her in there so she avoids the hand dryers, toilets flushing etc. I would never dis anyone using the disabled toilet. Most disabilities are not physical to see. X

    Reply
  59. barbgrant
    barbgrant says:

    Two of my children are autistic with severe learning disabilities. My eldest is 20 and totally dependent on others for personal care. My daughter at 13 has extreme hypersensitivity to noise and aggressive challenging behaviour. She is semi independent. I’ll take her in the ladies if I’m confident tjat she won’t attack someone that day, but if it’s busy or she’s stressed we need to use the disabled loos. It’s such a shame that people, especially older people are so judgmental. As an able person I would not use a disabled toilet even if it was vacant, because someone who really needs it, might actually need it! What I do thing is helpful are the ‘ambulant’ cubicles in the ladies. With grab rails and an outward opening door, they are helpful for people with less severe needs, mums with little ones or older disabled children, more of these facilities free up the disabled loos for those who.need them most. 🙂

    Reply
  60. barbgrant
    barbgrant says:

    Two of my children are autistic with severe learning disabilities. My eldest is 20 and totally dependent on others for personal care. My daughter at 13 has extreme hypersensitivity to noise and aggressive challenging behaviour. She is semi independent. I’ll take her in the ladies if I’m confident tjat she won’t attack someone that day, but if it’s busy or she’s stressed we need to use the disabled loos. It’s such a shame that people, especially older people are so judgmental. As an able person I would not use a disabled toilet even if it was vacant, because someone who really needs it, might actually need it! What I do thing is helpful are the ‘ambulant’ cubicles in the ladies. With grab rails and an outward opening door, they are helpful for people with less severe needs, mums with little ones or older disabled children, more of these facilities free up the disabled loos for those who.need them most. 🙂

    Reply
  61. Elizabeth Deighton
    Elizabeth Deighton says:

    I am disabled and will shortly be getting a wheel chair of my own (yeah) but before this happens I use wheel chairs in stores. Because I have walked in and look (reasonably) healthy i know some wonder why I use the wheel chair so my sympathies are with all of you in your struggles

    Reply
  62. Elizabeth Deighton
    Elizabeth Deighton says:

    I am disabled and will shortly be getting a wheel chair of my own (yeah) but before this happens I use wheel chairs in stores. Because I have walked in and look (reasonably) healthy i know some wonder why I use the wheel chair so my sympathies are with all of you in your struggles

    Reply
  63. commanderflynn
    commanderflynn says:

    That’s…actually kinda sad…
    I’ve recently had my Colon removed due to an infection and I’m in the post-op recovery. I’ve got an End Llceptomy (I cannot spell it for the life of me) on the outside and in a few months will be deciding on what I’m going to do in the future.
    There was one time I was in Wheather’s and I had a movement that caught me by surprise and the toilers that were closer by far were the disabled one. I grabbed my key and stuff and went in, much to the bemusement of some of the patrons. It usually only takes me a few minutes to sort myself out. I’m socially reclusive and thankfully I was with my small circle of friends whom came to make sure I was fine and escorted me out of the toilets.

    Just because it’s not a visible disability, doesn’t mean we don’t have one. Just because it’s hilarious doesn’t give you the right to degrade us further for something that was not within our power to change.
    The situation just isn’t great for people and it’s not helped with inconsiderate A-holes. I avoid public toilets like the plague, I look at the floor when I request to my manager I run off to use his loo and spend further time cleaning it from paranoia that having the Stoma bag will make a huge mess.

    Sometimes I wish people would just keep their mouths shut, or at least have the damn courtesy to say it to your face.

    Reply
  64. commanderflynn
    commanderflynn says:

    That’s…actually kinda sad…
    I’ve recently had my Colon removed due to an infection and I’m in the post-op recovery. I’ve got an End Llceptomy (I cannot spell it for the life of me) on the outside and in a few months will be deciding on what I’m going to do in the future.
    There was one time I was in Wheather’s and I had a movement that caught me by surprise and the toilers that were closer by far were the disabled one. I grabbed my key and stuff and went in, much to the bemusement of some of the patrons. It usually only takes me a few minutes to sort myself out. I’m socially reclusive and thankfully I was with my small circle of friends whom came to make sure I was fine and escorted me out of the toilets.

    Just because it’s not a visible disability, doesn’t mean we don’t have one. Just because it’s hilarious doesn’t give you the right to degrade us further for something that was not within our power to change.
    The situation just isn’t great for people and it’s not helped with inconsiderate A-holes. I avoid public toilets like the plague, I look at the floor when I request to my manager I run off to use his loo and spend further time cleaning it from paranoia that having the Stoma bag will make a huge mess.

    Sometimes I wish people would just keep their mouths shut, or at least have the damn courtesy to say it to your face.

    Reply
  65. Ellie
    Ellie says:

    Here here I’ve got my need to go card and radar key. Due to ibs D and no gall bladder I have what’s known as dumping syndrome…. The need to empty your bowls right after you eat or immediately as soon as you get the first rumble. The looks people shoot me for using disabled loos is disgusting I just hope they are never in the predicament when people judge them for trying to perform a normal function with intense emergency whilst in discomfort. .

    Reply
  66. Ellie
    Ellie says:

    Here here I’ve got my need to go card and radar key. Due to ibs D and no gall bladder I have what’s known as dumping syndrome…. The need to empty your bowls right after you eat or immediately as soon as you get the first rumble. The looks people shoot me for using disabled loos is disgusting I just hope they are never in the predicament when people judge them for trying to perform a normal function with intense emergency whilst in discomfort. .

    Reply
  67. MaryAnn Priestly
    MaryAnn Priestly says:

    Can’t count on both hands number of times I’ve been too late and left my pants ‘in the bin’ had UC for about 60 years but only diagnosed after about 50 years.wouldnt wish it on many, needing a loo every 10 minutes is no joke, am lots better now and off meds but still occasionally have to ‘run’ and generally use disabled if a queue for ladies. Good luck to all who posted about their problems, especially those who speak out in public about it. I found NACC very helpful when it was really bad.

    Reply
  68. MaryAnn Priestly
    MaryAnn Priestly says:

    Can’t count on both hands number of times I’ve been too late and left my pants ‘in the bin’ had UC for about 60 years but only diagnosed after about 50 years.wouldnt wish it on many, needing a loo every 10 minutes is no joke, am lots better now and off meds but still occasionally have to ‘run’ and generally use disabled if a queue for ladies. Good luck to all who posted about their problems, especially those who speak out in public about it. I found NACC very helpful when it was really bad.

    Reply
  69. ash
    ash says:

    Sorry you have to deal with idiots like the rest of us but on a much more painful level. It’s not enough you have to deal with pain, timing, and surgery, but people like this with zero (as we say in the South) home training. My mother used to smack me if I began talking loudly in public and especially about people like that. That’s what people like that need, just a good smack. Let her tut at and judge you, karma is real and when she gets alzheimers and craps herself every day, that will be her payback. Hopefully that will be one of the few things she still remembers doing to you as she lays for hours in her own ick waiting for some nurse to remember she’s in there instead of just keeping to herself.

    Reply
  70. ash
    ash says:

    Sorry you have to deal with idiots like the rest of us but on a much more painful level. It’s not enough you have to deal with pain, timing, and surgery, but people like this with zero (as we say in the South) home training. My mother used to smack me if I began talking loudly in public and especially about people like that. That’s what people like that need, just a good smack. Let her tut at and judge you, karma is real and when she gets alzheimers and craps herself every day, that will be her payback. Hopefully that will be one of the few things she still remembers doing to you as she lays for hours in her own ick waiting for some nurse to remember she’s in there instead of just keeping to herself.

    Reply
  71. Kevin Watters
    Kevin Watters says:

    Following my bowel cancer surgery, I had a temporary loop ileostomy and always needed to use the disabled toilets as there was never enough room in the average cubicle for my to crouch and empty my bag.

    I invariably got the disapproving looks from people as I came out without a wheelchair. I became thick skinned enough to put up with the looks but was determined to invite anyone who saw fit to comment in to assist me: that never happened though.

    Thankfully now post reversal but my bowels are still settling down and I too have suffered the indignity of adults seeing fit to make comment about the noise and smell I have created. I don’t exactly have a choice in the matter and at work I always use the disabled toilet to allow me to retain a little bit of my dignity. Unfortunately just another example of prejudice and discrimination.

    Thanks for sharing Sam and take heart from the fact that you are not alone.

    Reply
  72. Kevin Watters
    Kevin Watters says:

    Following my bowel cancer surgery, I had a temporary loop ileostomy and always needed to use the disabled toilets as there was never enough room in the average cubicle for my to crouch and empty my bag.

    I invariably got the disapproving looks from people as I came out without a wheelchair. I became thick skinned enough to put up with the looks but was determined to invite anyone who saw fit to comment in to assist me: that never happened though.

    Thankfully now post reversal but my bowels are still settling down and I too have suffered the indignity of adults seeing fit to make comment about the noise and smell I have created. I don’t exactly have a choice in the matter and at work I always use the disabled toilet to allow me to retain a little bit of my dignity. Unfortunately just another example of prejudice and discrimination.

    Thanks for sharing Sam and take heart from the fact that you are not alone.

    Reply
  73. J
    J says:

    thanks for sharing, i have a permanent ileostomy and rarely leave the house because of it. I’ve heard the “theres nothing wrong with you” line before. once is more than enough.

    Reply
  74. J
    J says:

    thanks for sharing, i have a permanent ileostomy and rarely leave the house because of it. I’ve heard the “theres nothing wrong with you” line before. once is more than enough.

    Reply
  75. Cheryl
    Cheryl says:

    I understand completely where u r coming from my mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer 3 years ago this May and she has been left the same way as u so i feel your pain.
    Some people really do need to get a life and start considering other peoples feelings.

    Reply
  76. Cheryl
    Cheryl says:

    I understand completely where u r coming from my mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer 3 years ago this May and she has been left the same way as u so i feel your pain.
    Some people really do need to get a life and start considering other peoples feelings.

    Reply
  77. z
    z says:

    Brave, fab post Sam! No one should have to deal with a chronic, debilitating condition like IBD and also be the target of unkind, disrespectful attitudes like that.

    I have pretty painful/embarrassing IBS and chronic pelvic pain, and although I know I’m very lucky not to have to deal with IBD, sometimes I really need some privacy and a loo pretty quickly, and some space to deal with stomach pain that can make me shake, so I can empathise.

    Keep writing these amazing posts 🙂

    X

    Reply
  78. z
    z says:

    Brave, fab post Sam! No one should have to deal with a chronic, debilitating condition like IBD and also be the target of unkind, disrespectful attitudes like that.

    I have pretty painful/embarrassing IBS and chronic pelvic pain, and although I know I’m very lucky not to have to deal with IBD, sometimes I really need some privacy and a loo pretty quickly, and some space to deal with stomach pain that can make me shake, so I can empathise.

    Keep writing these amazing posts 🙂

    X

    Reply
  79. lisa
    lisa says:

    Totally get what you mean, i have a disabled card that i carry and i use it when i’am out and about, If i am shopping and there is no public toilets I ask the staff if i can use theirs, they used to refuse me untill i had a card to prove that I have Crohn’s disease and therefore need to go to a toilet quick as and clean myself if needs be, I also have a bladder problem in which i have to self catheter myself in order to go for a pee, something that i find hard to do using a normal cubicle, I think people should be less ignorant to people who dont have visible signs of disability.

    Reply
  80. lisa
    lisa says:

    Totally get what you mean, i have a disabled card that i carry and i use it when i’am out and about, If i am shopping and there is no public toilets I ask the staff if i can use theirs, they used to refuse me untill i had a card to prove that I have Crohn’s disease and therefore need to go to a toilet quick as and clean myself if needs be, I also have a bladder problem in which i have to self catheter myself in order to go for a pee, something that i find hard to do using a normal cubicle, I think people should be less ignorant to people who dont have visible signs of disability.

    Reply
  81. siobhan
    siobhan says:

    Thank you sharing your story, I’m not disabled well I don’t class myself as disabled because we are all able to do different things in different ways, be pretty boring world if everyone was the same, or liked the same things,

    anyway I suffered a traumatic brain injury when I was 19 I’m now 23 so more often than not I use the elevators or escalators when I can as I have terrible balance some days but I use the stairs when I am having a good day, I also have problems with my legs which cause my a lot of pain I have this card which I can show to people who work in shops to help me if I get confused but because I feel that people will just think I’m making it up and I’m perfectly fine (as I look fine on the outside) I tend to get confused and muddled and nearly always end up ringing my mum to talk me through the situation or to help me find something, I grew up with an older brother who is disabled so I went through all the staring, laughing the rude remarks when I was out and about with my older brother, so I really feel for you and also your daughter who shouldn’t have to hear any of the people’s rude remarks, I wish more people wouldn’t judge or tut or stare at people no matter if they are walking around whether on their own 2 legs or prosthetics or in a wheelchair, think this is why so many people gain social anxiety because they believe people to be staring at them at all times and we shouldn’t have to live in a world where people dread going outside for one reason or another, there are many hidden disabilities that many people can’t see but people just judge you on the outside from what they can see,

    I wish you all the best in the future both for you and your daughter and I hope neither of you have to go through any more laughing or rude comments like you have that day

    Reply
  82. siobhan
    siobhan says:

    Thank you sharing your story, I’m not disabled well I don’t class myself as disabled because we are all able to do different things in different ways, be pretty boring world if everyone was the same, or liked the same things,

    anyway I suffered a traumatic brain injury when I was 19 I’m now 23 so more often than not I use the elevators or escalators when I can as I have terrible balance some days but I use the stairs when I am having a good day, I also have problems with my legs which cause my a lot of pain I have this card which I can show to people who work in shops to help me if I get confused but because I feel that people will just think I’m making it up and I’m perfectly fine (as I look fine on the outside) I tend to get confused and muddled and nearly always end up ringing my mum to talk me through the situation or to help me find something, I grew up with an older brother who is disabled so I went through all the staring, laughing the rude remarks when I was out and about with my older brother, so I really feel for you and also your daughter who shouldn’t have to hear any of the people’s rude remarks, I wish more people wouldn’t judge or tut or stare at people no matter if they are walking around whether on their own 2 legs or prosthetics or in a wheelchair, think this is why so many people gain social anxiety because they believe people to be staring at them at all times and we shouldn’t have to live in a world where people dread going outside for one reason or another, there are many hidden disabilities that many people can’t see but people just judge you on the outside from what they can see,

    I wish you all the best in the future both for you and your daughter and I hope neither of you have to go through any more laughing or rude comments like you have that day

    Reply
  83. jlo
    jlo says:

    you guys must not live in the united states. we dont have disability cards to use the accessible bathrooms. generally, there is one accessible stall, none of our stalls have sinks in them, you have to walk out to the open area to wash anything. i am paralyzed and use a wheelchair and wheelchairs dont fit through the doors of ANY of the other stalls. a wheelchair can only fit in the accessible stalls so yes i get irritated when you use the only stall that i can fit in, when you could fit in any of the stalls. so what if you need extra leg room to be comfortable, you dont need to be comfortable to do your business and get out, especially when you are taking the ONLY stall that a wheelchair user can use so that you can be comfortable and have more space to play candy crush on your phone or call and recant your whole entire day to your spouse. i cant hold my bladder or bowels and i will say again that 90% of public bathrooms only have one wheelchair accessible stall and no sinks or tables so you could change your bag in any stall whereas, a wheelchair cant fit in to any other stall. so while you are getting comfortable, reading a magazine, talking on the phone–i am waiting for you to decide to get up while peeing on myself. just bc you cant hold it doesnt mean that you need the only space a wheelchair can fit. you can just as easily go in to a smaller stall.

    Reply
  84. jlo
    jlo says:

    you guys must not live in the united states. we dont have disability cards to use the accessible bathrooms. generally, there is one accessible stall, none of our stalls have sinks in them, you have to walk out to the open area to wash anything. i am paralyzed and use a wheelchair and wheelchairs dont fit through the doors of ANY of the other stalls. a wheelchair can only fit in the accessible stalls so yes i get irritated when you use the only stall that i can fit in, when you could fit in any of the stalls. so what if you need extra leg room to be comfortable, you dont need to be comfortable to do your business and get out, especially when you are taking the ONLY stall that a wheelchair user can use so that you can be comfortable and have more space to play candy crush on your phone or call and recant your whole entire day to your spouse. i cant hold my bladder or bowels and i will say again that 90% of public bathrooms only have one wheelchair accessible stall and no sinks or tables so you could change your bag in any stall whereas, a wheelchair cant fit in to any other stall. so while you are getting comfortable, reading a magazine, talking on the phone–i am waiting for you to decide to get up while peeing on myself. just bc you cant hold it doesnt mean that you need the only space a wheelchair can fit. you can just as easily go in to a smaller stall.

    Reply
  85. Rachael
    Rachael says:

    My sister parked in a disabled car park and somebody had a go at her. She has heart problems which effect her when standing/walking for too long, hence disability badge. You don’t always have to have a disability in which everyone can see. People need to be aware of this, so well done for bringing this to light.

    Reply
  86. Rachael
    Rachael says:

    My sister parked in a disabled car park and somebody had a go at her. She has heart problems which effect her when standing/walking for too long, hence disability badge. You don’t always have to have a disability in which everyone can see. People need to be aware of this, so well done for bringing this to light.

    Reply
  87. bree emery
    bree emery says:

    So many people have a “hidden” disability that puts them a disadvantage with both the “disabled – with a disability that shows” and the “able bodied”. People are so quick to judge and jump to conclusions. My mother has chronic IBS and when she needs to go – she needs to go, there is no holding it while you que or find a toilet other than a disabled one (have known her to use the mens before today !) I have permanent nerve damage due to operations on my stomach, and have mesh that has worked between my muscles down one side. If I am having a bad day (which is often) I sometimes find getting off a normal toilet (as they tend to be lower than the ones in the disabled toilets) hard and need grab rails to pull myself off the loo, or my stomach is that bad I cant actually twist round far enough to wipe myself properly and can take quite a few attempts to do it whilst grunting, groaning and moaning in the process – very embarrassing in a normal loo with people outside the door and in the next cubicle. I have heard people laughing outside the cubicle and discussing with others “what is she up to in there??!!” I am sorry but although I don’t have a blue badge or anything, if I am out my 4 year old alone, I do use the disabled toilet as I never know how long I might be on the loo struggling and although she might have a “meltdown” because of the smell (she has noise and light sensitivity and sensitive to smells) I know she is safe should I be there longer than “a quick wee”

    Reply
  88. bree emery
    bree emery says:

    So many people have a “hidden” disability that puts them a disadvantage with both the “disabled – with a disability that shows” and the “able bodied”. People are so quick to judge and jump to conclusions. My mother has chronic IBS and when she needs to go – she needs to go, there is no holding it while you que or find a toilet other than a disabled one (have known her to use the mens before today !) I have permanent nerve damage due to operations on my stomach, and have mesh that has worked between my muscles down one side. If I am having a bad day (which is often) I sometimes find getting off a normal toilet (as they tend to be lower than the ones in the disabled toilets) hard and need grab rails to pull myself off the loo, or my stomach is that bad I cant actually twist round far enough to wipe myself properly and can take quite a few attempts to do it whilst grunting, groaning and moaning in the process – very embarrassing in a normal loo with people outside the door and in the next cubicle. I have heard people laughing outside the cubicle and discussing with others “what is she up to in there??!!” I am sorry but although I don’t have a blue badge or anything, if I am out my 4 year old alone, I do use the disabled toilet as I never know how long I might be on the loo struggling and although she might have a “meltdown” because of the smell (she has noise and light sensitivity and sensitive to smells) I know she is safe should I be there longer than “a quick wee”

    Reply
  89. sara
    sara says:

    Isnt it a good thing that the general public are basically standing up for disabled people by making able bodied feel bad for using stuff designed for the disabled? I get so angry when i see people using disabled parking spaces as somewhere to sit & wait for someone..its the same sort of thing. We want disabled people to have access to things & not be stopped by people who are too lazy to use the right psrking space or toilet etc. Not saying that u shouldnt use the disabled loo but just saying understand what the lady who tutted was thinking – its not her fault u dont ‘look’ disabled

    Reply
    • Amy
      Amy says:

      How do u know the people waiting in cars r able to get out n go round shops etc some people just want to get out of the house even if there just sittin in the car! I hope u don’t Eva have an unseen disability! Don’t judge what u don’t understand!

      Reply
      • Kat L
        Kat L says:

        If the disabled person isn’t getting out of the car the car shouldn’t be parked in a disabled bay. It’s in the Blue Badge Rights and Responsibilities booklet you get with your Blue Badge.

        Reply
    • teraspawn
      teraspawn says:

      I think the general point is that you can’t tell if someone is disabled by looking at them, so although the tutting lady might have been trying to help, she was doing the wrong thing. I get that people want to stand up for the rights of disabled people, but by doing it this way, they’re actually harming disabled people, so it’s important that we talk about this so we all know the right thing to do in the future (i.e. to be sensitive about toilet needs).

      Reply
    • sariahlily
      sariahlily says:

      The problem is, in appointing themselves as judge and jury, they are actually making things WORSE for a lot of people with disabilities (which is what this whole post was about).

      Even a medical doctor cannot accurately diagnose someone as “not disabled” in a passing glance. The general public most certainly cannot. There are MANY disabilities and conditions that are not immediately apparent, and judging us is hurtful, not helpful.

      Reply
    • Alice
      Alice says:

      Sometimes I have to use a disabled parking space to pick up or drop off my dad. I’m fine and I am happy to walk anywhere, but my dad is unable to walk more than a few steps without being exhausted – that’s a good day. Usually, he’ll be in his wheelchair. I’m sick of snide comments, pointing, glares and tuts when I get out of my car.

      Reply
    • just saying
      just saying says:

      we dont have the right to judge if somebody is disabled or not. we should instead rely on people not taking liberties… noone should be tutted at for using the loo

      Reply
    • KMR
      KMR says:

      I am often out with a friend of mine who has Fibromyalgia. We always park in a disabled space as she is a blue badge holder and is also entitled to use the disabled toilets. She does not outwardly look disabled, however when walking any part of her body can give out and then it is a struggle for her to get back to her car, let alone get in it and drive. She is in constant pain and relies on a lot of medication just to get by every day, she also relies heavily on her friends whenever she is out, incase she has an ‘episode’.
      People judge us all the time for using disbaled spaces and have often passed comment. It is rude and hurtful to be judged. You cannot tarr everyone with the same brush and you most certainly cannot decide if they are disabled or not, or even if they have the right to use disbaled facilities just by looking at them.

      Reply
    • Maggie
      Maggie says:

      That’s actually a pretty awful attitude to have. You completely missed the point of what the story was about. A couple months ago I went to my local Target to do some shopping and was really excited to find a close parking spot just a few space down from the handicapped spots. As I was pulling in a man with a handicap license plate pulled in to the handicap spot nearest to me. We both got out at the same time and as we were walking in to the store a couple women walking in 5 or so feet behind started talking really loudly about how terrible it is when people who aren’t disabled use the handicap spots. I felt bad because what the heck do they know maybe the guy was picking up his wife or kid or someone in a wheel chair and wanted to be close or he’s like my grandpa who had back surgery and it just made it hard for him to walk long distances without pain. Apparently the man had one too many comments just like this and he quickly turned around, pulled up one pant leg to show his artificial leg and yelled “Is this disabled enough for you!” The women were so mortified that they turned around and walked back to their car with out going into the store.
      You don’t know everyone’s life store just by looking at them which is exactly the point that this story was trying make and you as an able bodied person trying to judge whether someone is handicapped enough to meet your satisfaction is a horrible thing to do and frankly it’s not of your business.

      Reply
    • Kennybhoy
      Kennybhoy says:

      Amen. Thoughtful post. Speaking as a now visibly disabled person who also has prior “hidden” bowel issues, the number of able bodied folk prepared to confront those who abuse disabled facilities is very small indeed and getting smaller.

      Reply
  90. sara
    sara says:

    Isnt it a good thing that the general public are basically standing up for disabled people by making able bodied feel bad for using stuff designed for the disabled? I get so angry when i see people using disabled parking spaces as somewhere to sit & wait for someone..its the same sort of thing. We want disabled people to have access to things & not be stopped by people who are too lazy to use the right psrking space or toilet etc. Not saying that u shouldnt use the disabled loo but just saying understand what the lady who tutted was thinking – its not her fault u dont ‘look’ disabled

    Reply
    • Amy
      Amy says:

      How do u know the people waiting in cars r able to get out n go round shops etc some people just want to get out of the house even if there just sittin in the car! I hope u don’t Eva have an unseen disability! Don’t judge what u don’t understand!

      Reply
      • Kat L
        Kat L says:

        If the disabled person isn’t getting out of the car the car shouldn’t be parked in a disabled bay. It’s in the Blue Badge Rights and Responsibilities booklet you get with your Blue Badge.

        Reply
    • teraspawn
      teraspawn says:

      I think the general point is that you can’t tell if someone is disabled by looking at them, so although the tutting lady might have been trying to help, she was doing the wrong thing. I get that people want to stand up for the rights of disabled people, but by doing it this way, they’re actually harming disabled people, so it’s important that we talk about this so we all know the right thing to do in the future (i.e. to be sensitive about toilet needs).

      Reply
    • sariahlily
      sariahlily says:

      The problem is, in appointing themselves as judge and jury, they are actually making things WORSE for a lot of people with disabilities (which is what this whole post was about).

      Even a medical doctor cannot accurately diagnose someone as “not disabled” in a passing glance. The general public most certainly cannot. There are MANY disabilities and conditions that are not immediately apparent, and judging us is hurtful, not helpful.

      Reply
    • Alice
      Alice says:

      Sometimes I have to use a disabled parking space to pick up or drop off my dad. I’m fine and I am happy to walk anywhere, but my dad is unable to walk more than a few steps without being exhausted – that’s a good day. Usually, he’ll be in his wheelchair. I’m sick of snide comments, pointing, glares and tuts when I get out of my car.

      Reply
    • just saying
      just saying says:

      we dont have the right to judge if somebody is disabled or not. we should instead rely on people not taking liberties… noone should be tutted at for using the loo

      Reply
    • KMR
      KMR says:

      I am often out with a friend of mine who has Fibromyalgia. We always park in a disabled space as she is a blue badge holder and is also entitled to use the disabled toilets. She does not outwardly look disabled, however when walking any part of her body can give out and then it is a struggle for her to get back to her car, let alone get in it and drive. She is in constant pain and relies on a lot of medication just to get by every day, she also relies heavily on her friends whenever she is out, incase she has an ‘episode’.
      People judge us all the time for using disbaled spaces and have often passed comment. It is rude and hurtful to be judged. You cannot tarr everyone with the same brush and you most certainly cannot decide if they are disabled or not, or even if they have the right to use disbaled facilities just by looking at them.

      Reply
    • Maggie
      Maggie says:

      That’s actually a pretty awful attitude to have. You completely missed the point of what the story was about. A couple months ago I went to my local Target to do some shopping and was really excited to find a close parking spot just a few space down from the handicapped spots. As I was pulling in a man with a handicap license plate pulled in to the handicap spot nearest to me. We both got out at the same time and as we were walking in to the store a couple women walking in 5 or so feet behind started talking really loudly about how terrible it is when people who aren’t disabled use the handicap spots. I felt bad because what the heck do they know maybe the guy was picking up his wife or kid or someone in a wheel chair and wanted to be close or he’s like my grandpa who had back surgery and it just made it hard for him to walk long distances without pain. Apparently the man had one too many comments just like this and he quickly turned around, pulled up one pant leg to show his artificial leg and yelled “Is this disabled enough for you!” The women were so mortified that they turned around and walked back to their car with out going into the store.
      You don’t know everyone’s life store just by looking at them which is exactly the point that this story was trying make and you as an able bodied person trying to judge whether someone is handicapped enough to meet your satisfaction is a horrible thing to do and frankly it’s not of your business.

      Reply
  91. Helen
    Helen says:

    It does seem a bit strange that there are so many people struggling with disabilities and yet there is only usually one disabled toilet available. Toilet equality needed!

    Reply
  92. Helen
    Helen says:

    It does seem a bit strange that there are so many people struggling with disabilities and yet there is only usually one disabled toilet available. Toilet equality needed!

    Reply
  93. Sarah
    Sarah says:

    Feel for you, everything you have said I have been through with my mum, it’s a painful, awful condition that strips away your personality, dignity & literally changes you as a person & small minded people with no thought of others really don’t help the situation. In the same way people have commented when I have parked in a disabled zone with my daughter who at 21 & dresses quite ‘different’ gets out of my car, she had a spinal tumour which resulted in her being unable to walk very far, constant pain, marked difference in leg length & unable to use arm at all, but unless you are in a wheelchair people think you have no rights!! Think again people before you judge.
    If I had been outside the toilet & anyone had sniggered I think I would have told them exactly what it is like to live with an illeostomy bag day in day out!!

    Reply
  94. Sarah
    Sarah says:

    Feel for you, everything you have said I have been through with my mum, it’s a painful, awful condition that strips away your personality, dignity & literally changes you as a person & small minded people with no thought of others really don’t help the situation. In the same way people have commented when I have parked in a disabled zone with my daughter who at 21 & dresses quite ‘different’ gets out of my car, she had a spinal tumour which resulted in her being unable to walk very far, constant pain, marked difference in leg length & unable to use arm at all, but unless you are in a wheelchair people think you have no rights!! Think again people before you judge.
    If I had been outside the toilet & anyone had sniggered I think I would have told them exactly what it is like to live with an illeostomy bag day in day out!!

    Reply
  95. Mark Francis Tully
    Mark Francis Tully says:

    The correct term for the toilet is an accessible toilet. That is a toilet that is accessible and usable by everyone. It is the person who has a disability, not the toilet. And, yes, I have an invisible disability that means that I use this type of toilet. If all toilets were fully accessible we wouldn’t have this problem.

    Let’s encourage the use of the term accessible toilet and not disabled toilet.

    Reply
    • aturtle05
      aturtle05 says:

      I think you will find that although the accepted architectural term is an accessible toilet, it is a corruption of “Disabled accessible” toilet. Political Correctness has hidden the Disabled part of the term.

      Reply
  96. Mark Francis Tully
    Mark Francis Tully says:

    The correct term for the toilet is an accessible toilet. That is a toilet that is accessible and usable by everyone. It is the person who has a disability, not the toilet. And, yes, I have an invisible disability that means that I use this type of toilet. If all toilets were fully accessible we wouldn’t have this problem.

    Let’s encourage the use of the term accessible toilet and not disabled toilet.

    Reply
    • aturtle05
      aturtle05 says:

      I think you will find that although the accepted architectural term is an accessible toilet, it is a corruption of “Disabled accessible” toilet. Political Correctness has hidden the Disabled part of the term.

      Reply
  97. Michelle
    Michelle says:

    i had a brain tumour 16 years ago was on disability benefit and needed to have someone with me at all times. I had a blue badge for ease of parking and regular hospital visits. I lost count at the amount of times I got verbal abuse mainly from the older generation as to why I had a blue badge. Its sad. People need to stop being so judgemental!! Just because you don’t look disabled doesn’t mean you’re not !!

    Reply
  98. Michelle
    Michelle says:

    i had a brain tumour 16 years ago was on disability benefit and needed to have someone with me at all times. I had a blue badge for ease of parking and regular hospital visits. I lost count at the amount of times I got verbal abuse mainly from the older generation as to why I had a blue badge. Its sad. People need to stop being so judgemental!! Just because you don’t look disabled doesn’t mean you’re not !!

    Reply
  99. lynn
    lynn says:

    I hope this doesn’t happen to you again but fear that it will. I once was walking to a disabled parking space after returning a store’s wheelchair. I was berated at full volume by a man for using thet space. I calmly asked him to accompany me, meet my frail 85 year old mother and inspect her pass displayed on the windscreen. He didn’t and shuffled off. No apology was offered only a very quietly muttered “I didn’t know”. What a pity such people don’t use their energy to actually do something positive. Regards

    Reply
  100. lynn
    lynn says:

    I hope this doesn’t happen to you again but fear that it will. I once was walking to a disabled parking space after returning a store’s wheelchair. I was berated at full volume by a man for using thet space. I calmly asked him to accompany me, meet my frail 85 year old mother and inspect her pass displayed on the windscreen. He didn’t and shuffled off. No apology was offered only a very quietly muttered “I didn’t know”. What a pity such people don’t use their energy to actually do something positive. Regards

    Reply
  101. lorraine
    lorraine says:

    Thank you for sharing this, I have no idea how hard this is and embarrassing for people like yourself. I promise to always give people the respect you deserve. Blessings x

    Reply
  102. lorraine
    lorraine says:

    Thank you for sharing this, I have no idea how hard this is and embarrassing for people like yourself. I promise to always give people the respect you deserve. Blessings x

    Reply
  103. mark Hennessy
    mark Hennessy says:

    Sad to hear that lady’s story I to had my Colan removed and can’t have a pouch fitted as I had all the bowel taken out so I wear a bag and there are you times I need to empty it and believe me I stink out the place and have found men looking at me and must think oh he had a good night in the beer but no i don’t drink ,so yes able bodied people disability comes in many forms and in Ireland we can’t get key card’s for those Loo’s

    Reply
  104. mark Hennessy
    mark Hennessy says:

    Sad to hear that lady’s story I to had my Colan removed and can’t have a pouch fitted as I had all the bowel taken out so I wear a bag and there are you times I need to empty it and believe me I stink out the place and have found men looking at me and must think oh he had a good night in the beer but no i don’t drink ,so yes able bodied people disability comes in many forms and in Ireland we can’t get key card’s for those Loo’s

    Reply
  105. Uschi Bradshaw
    Uschi Bradshaw says:

    Maybe it is because there are so many people abusing the system , to the lady who wrote this , its sad , but you know whats wrong with you and that you are doing no wrong , why does it bother you , just shrug it of and it will happen again and again .. No need to mention the key as anyone can get them … Just saying as a able bodied person who has one .. and yes i do use mine , when we out in the camper with disabled toilets near it comes in handy at night … 🙂

    Reply
      • siobhan
        siobhan says:

        I feel for you, I have more than 2 kidneys which means I go toilet more the average person, so I tend to carry around a spare pair of trousers and knickers just in case I have an accident and more often than I care to say I end up having to change which is embarrassing standing in line waiting to use the toilets but I will never use an accessible toilet in case someone really needs to use it, add to the fact that I am brain damaged and I sometimes look like I’ve just walked out of the pub when in fact I’m just having a really bad day balance wise, it’s easy to say shrug it off but it’s more difficult than that because I’ve tried to shrug off the comments doesn’t get any easier no matter how many comments I’ve heard from other people, I wish you all the best in the future.

        Reply
    • laurengilmour92
      laurengilmour92 says:

      You say that like it is widespread that people are “abusing the system” but as someone who has worked in welfare rights for six months, I can assure you that the only ones abusing the system are the ones who made the system!

      Reply
  106. Uschi Bradshaw
    Uschi Bradshaw says:

    Maybe it is because there are so many people abusing the system , to the lady who wrote this , its sad , but you know whats wrong with you and that you are doing no wrong , why does it bother you , just shrug it of and it will happen again and again .. No need to mention the key as anyone can get them … Just saying as a able bodied person who has one .. and yes i do use mine , when we out in the camper with disabled toilets near it comes in handy at night … 🙂

    Reply
      • siobhan
        siobhan says:

        I feel for you, I have more than 2 kidneys which means I go toilet more the average person, so I tend to carry around a spare pair of trousers and knickers just in case I have an accident and more often than I care to say I end up having to change which is embarrassing standing in line waiting to use the toilets but I will never use an accessible toilet in case someone really needs to use it, add to the fact that I am brain damaged and I sometimes look like I’ve just walked out of the pub when in fact I’m just having a really bad day balance wise, it’s easy to say shrug it off but it’s more difficult than that because I’ve tried to shrug off the comments doesn’t get any easier no matter how many comments I’ve heard from other people, I wish you all the best in the future.

        Reply
    • laurengilmour92
      laurengilmour92 says:

      You say that like it is widespread that people are “abusing the system” but as someone who has worked in welfare rights for six months, I can assure you that the only ones abusing the system are the ones who made the system!

      Reply
  107. Cliff Dunn
    Cliff Dunn says:

    Well said. I have been on a cancer journey for the best part of two years. During this time I have experienced eight months of chemo and although have not had much by way of side effects have constantly been on the alert for nearby toilets when out and about, as the need to go has come without warning. It does take the edge of being out and about when you have to locate toilets and stay within reasonable distant of them. And yes I have had ‘the look’ when I have rushed across a restaurant or dashed through a supermarket headng for a disabled loo. I too have a Blue Badge. I sometimes use it but if there are other spaces free nearby I try to use these and leave the Disabled spaces for people whoi are perhaps worse off than me!

    Reply
  108. Cliff Dunn
    Cliff Dunn says:

    Well said. I have been on a cancer journey for the best part of two years. During this time I have experienced eight months of chemo and although have not had much by way of side effects have constantly been on the alert for nearby toilets when out and about, as the need to go has come without warning. It does take the edge of being out and about when you have to locate toilets and stay within reasonable distant of them. And yes I have had ‘the look’ when I have rushed across a restaurant or dashed through a supermarket headng for a disabled loo. I too have a Blue Badge. I sometimes use it but if there are other spaces free nearby I try to use these and leave the Disabled spaces for people whoi are perhaps worse off than me!

    Reply
  109. aileen carruthers
    aileen carruthers says:

    Yep,, experienced it. I had my colon removed a little less than 3 months ago, so am still getting used to the changes; which is emotionally difficult in itself, without being made worse by thoughtless, inconsiderate and interfering others. It takes a lot to actually face going out in public in the first place !!

    Reply
  110. aileen carruthers
    aileen carruthers says:

    Yep,, experienced it. I had my colon removed a little less than 3 months ago, so am still getting used to the changes; which is emotionally difficult in itself, without being made worse by thoughtless, inconsiderate and interfering others. It takes a lot to actually face going out in public in the first place !!

    Reply
  111. Rebecca Bradley
    Rebecca Bradley says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Very brave and honest. You made me cry, but I’m feeling that way out at the minute anyway. Your honesty and people’s cruelty. My stubbornness would start to make me say something to those who look funny at me using the disabled toilets, as I already have the sentences lined up in my head for anyone who wants to look sideways at me for using a lift when I’m out, but that was before my invisible became visible.

    Reply
  112. Rebecca Bradley
    Rebecca Bradley says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Very brave and honest. You made me cry, but I’m feeling that way out at the minute anyway. Your honesty and people’s cruelty. My stubbornness would start to make me say something to those who look funny at me using the disabled toilets, as I already have the sentences lined up in my head for anyone who wants to look sideways at me for using a lift when I’m out, but that was before my invisible became visible.

    Reply
  113. Sam
    Sam says:

    My sister in law has a stoma. Why is it that supermarket staff feel it’s OK not to have soap in disabled loos? That really winds me up. Or is it just here that’s a problem? My other issue is that we had a blue badge for my son who has Autism and ADHD. (I say had… he has grown out of the need for it now). We used it to keep him safe in car parks as he would get out of the car and run towards the shop which then put him in danger as he ran across the car park. Hangng onto him by the car just led to a complete melt down. The looks you get from people when you are able bodied and parking in a disabled spot is unreal. Judgemental people irritate the hell out of me.

    Reply
  114. Sam
    Sam says:

    My sister in law has a stoma. Why is it that supermarket staff feel it’s OK not to have soap in disabled loos? That really winds me up. Or is it just here that’s a problem? My other issue is that we had a blue badge for my son who has Autism and ADHD. (I say had… he has grown out of the need for it now). We used it to keep him safe in car parks as he would get out of the car and run towards the shop which then put him in danger as he ran across the car park. Hangng onto him by the car just led to a complete melt down. The looks you get from people when you are able bodied and parking in a disabled spot is unreal. Judgemental people irritate the hell out of me.

    Reply
  115. autisticgamergirl
    autisticgamergirl says:

    This made me quite sad to read. It is disgusting that people still have this ancient notion that all disabled people must be in a wheelchair in order to use the accessible toilets. I suppose the problem is that the sign pointing to the accessible toilets still features a wheelchair. I have hypermobility syndrome (so nothing like what you’re going through) and sometimes can be in a lot of pain from it. When I am in pain, I will use the accessible toilet (to which I too have a key) as I need to guarantee that I will be able to get back off the toilet again without falling over. I’ve had looks and tuts. I’m quite blunt though and very rude! I won’t mention some of the things I’ve said/done when people question me lol. Don’t feel embarrassed. You have the right to use these toilets and no amount of tutting is going to change that. Stay strong x

    Reply
  116. autisticgamergirl
    autisticgamergirl says:

    This made me quite sad to read. It is disgusting that people still have this ancient notion that all disabled people must be in a wheelchair in order to use the accessible toilets. I suppose the problem is that the sign pointing to the accessible toilets still features a wheelchair. I have hypermobility syndrome (so nothing like what you’re going through) and sometimes can be in a lot of pain from it. When I am in pain, I will use the accessible toilet (to which I too have a key) as I need to guarantee that I will be able to get back off the toilet again without falling over. I’ve had looks and tuts. I’m quite blunt though and very rude! I won’t mention some of the things I’ve said/done when people question me lol. Don’t feel embarrassed. You have the right to use these toilets and no amount of tutting is going to change that. Stay strong x

    Reply
  117. hollie
    hollie says:

    I understand where you’re coming from, I suffer horridly with IBS and so I can only go so far away from a toilet and the looks I get when I use a disabled toilet is disgusting. I can’t wait around for people to leave toilets as my IBS is too bad I don’t get enough warning. I find myself avoiding leaving the house because its too inconvenient and embarrassing most of the time. People dont understand these things and I pity them for it. Though I must say that something else that I get judged on is using the disabled toilets when I have my little one with me in his buggy. They are the only toilets big enough to take the buggy into and if I am alone I won’t shut the toilet door and leave him outside it because I don’t trust easy. I don’t take him with me as an excuse to.use disabled toilets I take him with me because many times there’s no iter option.

    Reply
  118. hollie
    hollie says:

    I understand where you’re coming from, I suffer horridly with IBS and so I can only go so far away from a toilet and the looks I get when I use a disabled toilet is disgusting. I can’t wait around for people to leave toilets as my IBS is too bad I don’t get enough warning. I find myself avoiding leaving the house because its too inconvenient and embarrassing most of the time. People dont understand these things and I pity them for it. Though I must say that something else that I get judged on is using the disabled toilets when I have my little one with me in his buggy. They are the only toilets big enough to take the buggy into and if I am alone I won’t shut the toilet door and leave him outside it because I don’t trust easy. I don’t take him with me as an excuse to.use disabled toilets I take him with me because many times there’s no iter option.

    Reply
  119. Lori Graham
    Lori Graham says:

    Reason why I use accessible toilet is because of my knees. My knees can’t take the smaller height of toilets. If I have to use one, I have a difficulty time sitting down as if the toilet is getting lowered and I seemed to be falling backwards. It hurts my knees like hell. I have so much difficultly getting up. So I always try to use the accessible toilet because the height is a bit higher and also because there is a safety bar where I use it all the time.

    My apt had a smaller height like 14 inches high from the bottom to the top seat years ago. Then we as tenants got new toilets put in about 7 years. It is 17 inches. I love them much better.

    This started when I was in my early 40’s. I am now in my early 50’s.

    Don’t judge or say a word about anyone using an accessible toilet. We may have hidden physical disabilites that you may not see and don’t know..

    Lori

    Reply
  120. Lori Graham
    Lori Graham says:

    Reason why I use accessible toilet is because of my knees. My knees can’t take the smaller height of toilets. If I have to use one, I have a difficulty time sitting down as if the toilet is getting lowered and I seemed to be falling backwards. It hurts my knees like hell. I have so much difficultly getting up. So I always try to use the accessible toilet because the height is a bit higher and also because there is a safety bar where I use it all the time.

    My apt had a smaller height like 14 inches high from the bottom to the top seat years ago. Then we as tenants got new toilets put in about 7 years. It is 17 inches. I love them much better.

    This started when I was in my early 40’s. I am now in my early 50’s.

    Don’t judge or say a word about anyone using an accessible toilet. We may have hidden physical disabilites that you may not see and don’t know..

    Lori

    Reply
  121. bob sharp
    bob sharp says:

    Ron
    You gave an amazing well written and dignified response.
    You do not need to explain youself to the ignorant ones.
    99.8% of the population would give a more abrasive reply such as F.O.
    I witnessed as a boy an elderly man at a bus stop. As l looked at him l noticed hls trouser legs turn wet as he had an accident and fluid flowed across his shoes. I was 9 y o and was reduced to tears.
    A kind lady much his junior calmy walked him into a nearby shop where he was assisted in the back.
    She did not tut, only smiled.
    Vhin up mate. Bob

    Reply
  122. bob sharp
    bob sharp says:

    Ron
    You gave an amazing well written and dignified response.
    You do not need to explain youself to the ignorant ones.
    99.8% of the population would give a more abrasive reply such as F.O.
    I witnessed as a boy an elderly man at a bus stop. As l looked at him l noticed hls trouser legs turn wet as he had an accident and fluid flowed across his shoes. I was 9 y o and was reduced to tears.
    A kind lady much his junior calmy walked him into a nearby shop where he was assisted in the back.
    She did not tut, only smiled.
    Vhin up mate. Bob

    Reply
  123. Nad
    Nad says:

    Although i never tut at a disabled person, I always, ALWAYS tut at people getting into their cars who are parked in Mother & baby spaces. Where’s your kid? they’re not invisible!

    Reply
    • Julie
      Julie says:

      G’Day Nad – I appreciate what you say – but here in Australia, there are MORE Mother & Baby bays, than there are Disabled bays. I have a Disability, use a wheelchair and NEED the extra space to get out of the car, into my wheelchair, safely. If the Disabled bays are full, which invariably they are, I will use the Mother & Baby bay and put my sticker up. Back when I was younger (not that long ago), parents never had the bays. However, they coped. So please, if you see a Disabled person in your bay, think about why they NEED it! Julie

      Reply
  124. Nad
    Nad says:

    Although i never tut at a disabled person, I always, ALWAYS tut at people getting into their cars who are parked in Mother & baby spaces. Where’s your kid? they’re not invisible!

    Reply
    • Julie
      Julie says:

      G’Day Nad – I appreciate what you say – but here in Australia, there are MORE Mother & Baby bays, than there are Disabled bays. I have a Disability, use a wheelchair and NEED the extra space to get out of the car, into my wheelchair, safely. If the Disabled bays are full, which invariably they are, I will use the Mother & Baby bay and put my sticker up. Back when I was younger (not that long ago), parents never had the bays. However, they coped. So please, if you see a Disabled person in your bay, think about why they NEED it! Julie

      Reply
  125. Katherine
    Katherine says:

    Sad you had to explain how brave for standing up these ignorant bitches know who they are I hope they feel ashamed of themselves good for you keep your head up because no one is better than anyone 🙂

    Reply
  126. Katherine
    Katherine says:

    Sad you had to explain how brave for standing up these ignorant bitches know who they are I hope they feel ashamed of themselves good for you keep your head up because no one is better than anyone 🙂

    Reply
  127. David Moger
    David Moger says:

    A long time ago i had a stroke-it made me walk like a drunk, and having loved and lived with an alcoholic, i hated that. People would avoid me as i staggered down the street. My limp has got to the point where i now have to use a stick, or my sympathy stick as i refer to it as. I’ve been amazed by people’s attitude since the change-the vast majority of the public are bloody great about it, overwhelmingly helpful and non-judgemental, especially when i measure my length when tripping and falling over-5′ 8″, must stop doing that. I truly believe that most of the public are goodish people, but it’s a lot easier if they can see that you have a difficulty. Must be absolute crap to have to cope with a hidden disability, coupled with the ignorance of a minority of people.

    Reply
    • sam
      sam says:

      I agree. I think most people are generally good and we have to remember that when we face arseholes who treat others badly – thanks so much for your comment x

      Reply
  128. David Moger
    David Moger says:

    A long time ago i had a stroke-it made me walk like a drunk, and having loved and lived with an alcoholic, i hated that. People would avoid me as i staggered down the street. My limp has got to the point where i now have to use a stick, or my sympathy stick as i refer to it as. I’ve been amazed by people’s attitude since the change-the vast majority of the public are bloody great about it, overwhelmingly helpful and non-judgemental, especially when i measure my length when tripping and falling over-5′ 8″, must stop doing that. I truly believe that most of the public are goodish people, but it’s a lot easier if they can see that you have a difficulty. Must be absolute crap to have to cope with a hidden disability, coupled with the ignorance of a minority of people.

    Reply
    • sam
      sam says:

      I agree. I think most people are generally good and we have to remember that when we face arseholes who treat others badly – thanks so much for your comment x

      Reply
  129. Lance Greenfield
    Lance Greenfield says:

    It is horrible when people judge without knowing the facts. And it is very common that people who have some disability to deal with which is not at all visible have to suffer such abuse. My daughter-in-law has had awful arthritis since she was in her twenties. Sometimes it paralyzes her so that she cannot even roll out of bed and across the floor to go to the loo in the morning. My son has to carry her. But, thankfully, most of the time, she can run around quite normally. So when she parks her car with a blue badge displayed and literally runs into a shop, she often gets bad abuse. Not as bad as your own case, but bad enough.

    I love the way that you maintain your sense of humour when relating your story. Very brave!

    Reply
  130. Lance Greenfield
    Lance Greenfield says:

    It is horrible when people judge without knowing the facts. And it is very common that people who have some disability to deal with which is not at all visible have to suffer such abuse. My daughter-in-law has had awful arthritis since she was in her twenties. Sometimes it paralyzes her so that she cannot even roll out of bed and across the floor to go to the loo in the morning. My son has to carry her. But, thankfully, most of the time, she can run around quite normally. So when she parks her car with a blue badge displayed and literally runs into a shop, she often gets bad abuse. Not as bad as your own case, but bad enough.

    I love the way that you maintain your sense of humour when relating your story. Very brave!

    Reply
  131. Norma O'DONNELL
    Norma O'DONNELL says:

    I am not a violent person but I would love to land that woman one I have spent many hours whilst at work helping people with their colostomy toileting and when I see what looks like an able bodied person entering a disabled toilet It’s automatic for me to assume that they are in that catagory and my heart goes out to them as I have often had to interviene when I hear derogatory utterances and asked them to look further than the end of their noses

    Reply
  132. Norma O'DONNELL
    Norma O'DONNELL says:

    I am not a violent person but I would love to land that woman one I have spent many hours whilst at work helping people with their colostomy toileting and when I see what looks like an able bodied person entering a disabled toilet It’s automatic for me to assume that they are in that catagory and my heart goes out to them as I have often had to interviene when I hear derogatory utterances and asked them to look further than the end of their noses

    Reply
  133. Busy Mum
    Busy Mum says:

    I have a son with learning difficulties who will chat to anyone – not ideal in some male toilets. Until he was way too old I always took him with me into the ladies, now we look for a disabled where I can either go in with him or wait just outside the door. Disabilities are not always visible.

    Reply
  134. Busy Mum
    Busy Mum says:

    I have a son with learning difficulties who will chat to anyone – not ideal in some male toilets. Until he was way too old I always took him with me into the ladies, now we look for a disabled where I can either go in with him or wait just outside the door. Disabilities are not always visible.

    Reply
  135. Phillipa Rees
    Phillipa Rees says:

    ‘Disabled’ loos are suitable for people with disabilities to be able to use, the term does NOT mean that the general public cannot ever use them and realistically they are more often vacant than occupied. Where I work there are ONLY 2 loos one male one female, both labelled ‘disabled’ so everyone uses them, they have to! On another occasion I was at a concert where there was a queue of about 30 for the female loo and no one would use the disabled one (which had no queue!) Guess who did!! Silliness beyond.. Would disabled people want a loo to be exclusive when someone is in need, queues are forming, and the loo is unoccupied? I doubt it.

    Reply
    • Julie
      Julie says:

      oh dear Phillipa – you have NO idea sweets. Disabled doesn’t just mean that you cannot walk. I have Multiple Sclerosis. It Affects the Central Nervous System in different ways with different people. However, one of the main problems is incontinence. So, just imagine – you hanging on for dear life and it hurting, as opposed to NOT BEING ABLE to HANG ON and WETTING yourself constantly! If an able bodied person uses the Disabled Persons toilet – then they are being VERY, VERY SELFISH! So perhaps next time – think of it this way and be SO PLEASED you CAN Hold on to it!!!!!

      Reply
  136. Phillipa Rees
    Phillipa Rees says:

    ‘Disabled’ loos are suitable for people with disabilities to be able to use, the term does NOT mean that the general public cannot ever use them and realistically they are more often vacant than occupied. Where I work there are ONLY 2 loos one male one female, both labelled ‘disabled’ so everyone uses them, they have to! On another occasion I was at a concert where there was a queue of about 30 for the female loo and no one would use the disabled one (which had no queue!) Guess who did!! Silliness beyond.. Would disabled people want a loo to be exclusive when someone is in need, queues are forming, and the loo is unoccupied? I doubt it.

    Reply
    • Julie
      Julie says:

      oh dear Phillipa – you have NO idea sweets. Disabled doesn’t just mean that you cannot walk. I have Multiple Sclerosis. It Affects the Central Nervous System in different ways with different people. However, one of the main problems is incontinence. So, just imagine – you hanging on for dear life and it hurting, as opposed to NOT BEING ABLE to HANG ON and WETTING yourself constantly! If an able bodied person uses the Disabled Persons toilet – then they are being VERY, VERY SELFISH! So perhaps next time – think of it this way and be SO PLEASED you CAN Hold on to it!!!!!

      Reply
  137. Shedee
    Shedee says:

    I have an invisible disability and if anyone is abusive I look them square in the eyes and ask them when they read my medical notes and, if feeling strong enough, embarrass them by explaining my condition. Never yet had an apology just red faced shuffling. Will admit if the problem had arisen in the first few years I would have just crumpled. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – too true! http://Www.vaco.co.uk

    Reply
  138. Shedee
    Shedee says:

    I have an invisible disability and if anyone is abusive I look them square in the eyes and ask them when they read my medical notes and, if feeling strong enough, embarrass them by explaining my condition. Never yet had an apology just red faced shuffling. Will admit if the problem had arisen in the first few years I would have just crumpled. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – too true! http://Www.vaco.co.uk

    Reply
  139. Tom
    Tom says:

    My girlfriend and mum both have Crohn’s, and also my dog has Colitis. Thankfully neither of them have pouches yet, but I have to deal with this issue every time I am out in public. Once, my girlfriend and I were waiting in a takeaway with seating and tables, but no toilet. Legally if a place that provides food and has seating then it much provide a toilet. My girlfriend asked to use the staff toilet, but they refused even when she showed her toilet card. So I threatened to report them if they didn’t let her in, but they still refused and I reported them and we had to run to the Subway across the road. The next time I went to the takeaway they has removed all the seating and tables. Another instance I’ve had was when we went to a train station and you needed to pay to use the toilet. Neither of us had any change so we went to the toilet clerk desk for the disabled key, but the woman there also refused us after showing her the toilet card. A lovely elderly lady overheard us explain my girlfriends situation and she offered to pay the toll. If I’m totally honest, I kicked off, and now regret some of things I said to the clerk. I told clerk that is my girlfriend shat herself then I would have made her clean it up. I asked to see her manager, but he told me if I wanted to make a complaint then I would have to write a letter and post it. I called him a “spineless bastard” and walked off with my embarrassed, ill girlfriend. A) Crohn’s, Colitis, IBS and IBD need to be made official disabilities and B) every public toilet needs to know about the toilet card and be told they HAVE to accept it.

    Reply
  140. Tom
    Tom says:

    My girlfriend and mum both have Crohn’s, and also my dog has Colitis. Thankfully neither of them have pouches yet, but I have to deal with this issue every time I am out in public. Once, my girlfriend and I were waiting in a takeaway with seating and tables, but no toilet. Legally if a place that provides food and has seating then it much provide a toilet. My girlfriend asked to use the staff toilet, but they refused even when she showed her toilet card. So I threatened to report them if they didn’t let her in, but they still refused and I reported them and we had to run to the Subway across the road. The next time I went to the takeaway they has removed all the seating and tables. Another instance I’ve had was when we went to a train station and you needed to pay to use the toilet. Neither of us had any change so we went to the toilet clerk desk for the disabled key, but the woman there also refused us after showing her the toilet card. A lovely elderly lady overheard us explain my girlfriends situation and she offered to pay the toll. If I’m totally honest, I kicked off, and now regret some of things I said to the clerk. I told clerk that is my girlfriend shat herself then I would have made her clean it up. I asked to see her manager, but he told me if I wanted to make a complaint then I would have to write a letter and post it. I called him a “spineless bastard” and walked off with my embarrassed, ill girlfriend. A) Crohn’s, Colitis, IBS and IBD need to be made official disabilities and B) every public toilet needs to know about the toilet card and be told they HAVE to accept it.

    Reply
  141. pauline
    pauline says:

    i was at work one day this man parked in a disabled parking bay my boss told me to go and ask him to move to another bay i did this and he lifted up his trouser leg and said would you like to see my wooden leg this was 22 years ago i was so ashamed never did thjs again

    Reply
  142. pauline
    pauline says:

    i was at work one day this man parked in a disabled parking bay my boss told me to go and ask him to move to another bay i did this and he lifted up his trouser leg and said would you like to see my wooden leg this was 22 years ago i was so ashamed never did thjs again

    Reply
  143. alison
    alison says:

    Guilt is a personal thing, you can’t make someone feel bad if you tut, they either do, but are desperate and need to to go, or don’t and no amount of tutting would help. I’m non disabled but have used the set aside loos, with young children as I can’t keep them with me in a standard sized loo, because I’ve run around doing stuff to fit in my working day and have just left it too long to queue, not frequent but it has happened. At times in life we all have choices and sometimes you make one that you need to but don’t want to. Don’t judge others until you are in their boat, and then you should discuss before jumping, sometimes there are sharks in the water!

    Reply
  144. alison
    alison says:

    Guilt is a personal thing, you can’t make someone feel bad if you tut, they either do, but are desperate and need to to go, or don’t and no amount of tutting would help. I’m non disabled but have used the set aside loos, with young children as I can’t keep them with me in a standard sized loo, because I’ve run around doing stuff to fit in my working day and have just left it too long to queue, not frequent but it has happened. At times in life we all have choices and sometimes you make one that you need to but don’t want to. Don’t judge others until you are in their boat, and then you should discuss before jumping, sometimes there are sharks in the water!

    Reply
  145. cicampbell2013
    cicampbell2013 says:

    Reblogged this on cicampbellblog and commented:
    It’s so sad when people make a judgement call without knowing any of the facts, when they judge by the mere appearance, with their eyes and not their empathy.
    I really felt for this lady, and hope that, by sharing, I can add another voice crying out for understanding.

    Reply
  146. cicampbell2013
    cicampbell2013 says:

    Reblogged this on cicampbellblog and commented:
    It’s so sad when people make a judgement call without knowing any of the facts, when they judge by the mere appearance, with their eyes and not their empathy.
    I really felt for this lady, and hope that, by sharing, I can add another voice crying out for understanding.

    Reply
  147. Tiffany Marris
    Tiffany Marris says:

    this is a well said argument. Unseen disabilities are difficult, as is visible disabilities, but the thing with unseen disabilities we are faced with this argument a lot. I find it despicable when people complain because you don’t ‘look’ disabled. There are several types of disability, not all require a wheelchair!

    Reply
  148. Tiffany Marris
    Tiffany Marris says:

    this is a well said argument. Unseen disabilities are difficult, as is visible disabilities, but the thing with unseen disabilities we are faced with this argument a lot. I find it despicable when people complain because you don’t ‘look’ disabled. There are several types of disability, not all require a wheelchair!

    Reply
  149. Tony
    Tony says:

    I know a person with ibs…not nice… can i add though…toilet signs are not obligatory merely courtesy signs.. you are at liberty to use whatever you wish… you may cause a fuss but they are not legally endorsable ….

    Reply
  150. Tony
    Tony says:

    I know a person with ibs…not nice… can i add though…toilet signs are not obligatory merely courtesy signs.. you are at liberty to use whatever you wish… you may cause a fuss but they are not legally endorsable ….

    Reply
  151. Linda
    Linda says:

    Very well said this lady has my sincere best wishes. I know exactly what she means, my husband has had part of his bowel removed and is running to the loo many times during the day and night, sometimes he is in the loo for up to two or three hours at a time. In fact it is quite a joke in our home as when my family come to visit and he is in the loo, my family say that (dad is in his office).
    When you have bowel problems you look fine on the outside and you have no physical signs that you need the services of a disabled loo so the healthy people that abuse disabled loos or disabled parking spaces need to stop and think about why someone that looks ok uses these. Being disabled myself these facilities help me.
    Selfish healthy people with no problems should be made to walk a mile in a disabled persons shoes before they rant and rave.
    I for one would give up these helpful measures in a heart beat to be able bodied.

    Reply
  152. Linda
    Linda says:

    Very well said this lady has my sincere best wishes. I know exactly what she means, my husband has had part of his bowel removed and is running to the loo many times during the day and night, sometimes he is in the loo for up to two or three hours at a time. In fact it is quite a joke in our home as when my family come to visit and he is in the loo, my family say that (dad is in his office).
    When you have bowel problems you look fine on the outside and you have no physical signs that you need the services of a disabled loo so the healthy people that abuse disabled loos or disabled parking spaces need to stop and think about why someone that looks ok uses these. Being disabled myself these facilities help me.
    Selfish healthy people with no problems should be made to walk a mile in a disabled persons shoes before they rant and rave.
    I for one would give up these helpful measures in a heart beat to be able bodied.

    Reply
  153. Me
    Me says:

    I am not disabled and so don’t normally use a disabled toilet however for the first couple of days of my period my flow is so heavy that I can bleed through the most absorbant tampons they make within an hour.

    This then seeps through to my clothes which is mortifying.

    When I get to the loo to change the tampon often there are (if you’re squeamish then stop reading right here) large clots of blood which get everywhere and the stupid bins that are provided for women to use are often very badly designed, so a mess can be made. Just to have a sink in the cubicle is a godsend so I can get properly washed up (and to clean the toilet/floor etc) without having to walk out with blood all over my hands.

    I think we should stop thinking about them as DISABLED toilets and nd just accept that they are ACCESSIBLE toilets.

    Better still: all toilets should be made the same so that there is no distinction between them!

    Reply
    • Sparrowgrass
      Sparrowgrass says:

      Yes, wouldn’t it be so much better if all public toilets had the space and accessibility features. The current 1 disabled toilet could become 1 priority toilet, for those unable to queue. I know, for businesses space is money so it’s not likely to ever happen, but we can dream.

      Reply
  154. Me
    Me says:

    I am not disabled and so don’t normally use a disabled toilet however for the first couple of days of my period my flow is so heavy that I can bleed through the most absorbant tampons they make within an hour.

    This then seeps through to my clothes which is mortifying.

    When I get to the loo to change the tampon often there are (if you’re squeamish then stop reading right here) large clots of blood which get everywhere and the stupid bins that are provided for women to use are often very badly designed, so a mess can be made. Just to have a sink in the cubicle is a godsend so I can get properly washed up (and to clean the toilet/floor etc) without having to walk out with blood all over my hands.

    I think we should stop thinking about them as DISABLED toilets and nd just accept that they are ACCESSIBLE toilets.

    Better still: all toilets should be made the same so that there is no distinction between them!

    Reply
    • Sparrowgrass
      Sparrowgrass says:

      Yes, wouldn’t it be so much better if all public toilets had the space and accessibility features. The current 1 disabled toilet could become 1 priority toilet, for those unable to queue. I know, for businesses space is money so it’s not likely to ever happen, but we can dream.

      Reply
  155. Lils74
    Lils74 says:

    Both my mum and my sister are blue badge holders. My sister has spinal problems, they have tried to operate but can’t really do too much about it and so she suffers from pain on a daily basis – however because she is young and doesn’t use walking aids all the time, the looks people give her when she gets out of the car are disgusting. My mum is currently undergoing chemo therapy for an incurable cancer, she has days where she is virtually her old self and other days where she can’t even get out of bed, she wears a wig and people often look her up and down when she steps out of the car in a disabled space. It really angers me that people judge them both when they have no idea what they are going through. I have heard the older generation tut loudly at us on several occasions and a parking attendant once barged over to check her pass when we hadn’t even exited the car. I just look at them and think – if only you knew, then how guilty would you feel?

    Reply
  156. Lils74
    Lils74 says:

    Both my mum and my sister are blue badge holders. My sister has spinal problems, they have tried to operate but can’t really do too much about it and so she suffers from pain on a daily basis – however because she is young and doesn’t use walking aids all the time, the looks people give her when she gets out of the car are disgusting. My mum is currently undergoing chemo therapy for an incurable cancer, she has days where she is virtually her old self and other days where she can’t even get out of bed, she wears a wig and people often look her up and down when she steps out of the car in a disabled space. It really angers me that people judge them both when they have no idea what they are going through. I have heard the older generation tut loudly at us on several occasions and a parking attendant once barged over to check her pass when we hadn’t even exited the car. I just look at them and think – if only you knew, then how guilty would you feel?

    Reply
  157. Louise Rigdon
    Louise Rigdon says:

    The main issue here is that they are NOT disabled toilets! They are accessible toilets & therefore accessible for all! Regular toilet facilities are disabling for those who can not use them! Start calling them Accessible Toilets & people’s perceptions change & those who have to use them do not have the shame!

    Reply
  158. Louise Rigdon
    Louise Rigdon says:

    The main issue here is that they are NOT disabled toilets! They are accessible toilets & therefore accessible for all! Regular toilet facilities are disabling for those who can not use them! Start calling them Accessible Toilets & people’s perceptions change & those who have to use them do not have the shame!

    Reply
  159. Janiris
    Janiris says:

    My daughtet has the same complaint and gets the same reaction, she does try to use the normal loo,s, but unfortunately sometimes she needs a sink she can clean her self in private. Shame on you people that tut, it a awful complaint to have.

    Reply
    • Pete R
      Pete R says:

      I think it’s a little unfair to say ‘shame on you people that tut’ – yes, it’s terrible if you have a condition along these lines, and most would sympathise if they knew the situation, but in that moment the person tutting assumes, logically, that it is a case of someone abusing a facility that they do not need to use.
      I think a fairer comment would be ‘think twice before tutting’ – people should always establish the facts before making snap judgements, but the sentiment behind someone objecting to what they believe to be abuse of the facility shouldn’t be completely disregarded because they got it wrong – their heart was probably in the right place.

      Reply
  160. Janiris
    Janiris says:

    My daughtet has the same complaint and gets the same reaction, she does try to use the normal loo,s, but unfortunately sometimes she needs a sink she can clean her self in private. Shame on you people that tut, it a awful complaint to have.

    Reply
    • Pete R
      Pete R says:

      I think it’s a little unfair to say ‘shame on you people that tut’ – yes, it’s terrible if you have a condition along these lines, and most would sympathise if they knew the situation, but in that moment the person tutting assumes, logically, that it is a case of someone abusing a facility that they do not need to use.
      I think a fairer comment would be ‘think twice before tutting’ – people should always establish the facts before making snap judgements, but the sentiment behind someone objecting to what they believe to be abuse of the facility shouldn’t be completely disregarded because they got it wrong – their heart was probably in the right place.

      Reply
  161. keithrealist
    keithrealist says:

    I had a friend (who unfortunately I have since lost touch with) who, as a result of being run over by a beer lorry (he used to tell people that the reason he didn’t drink was because he had too much beer when he was younger), had difficulty walking any distance and an ostomy bag. He also had a 1300 cc motorbike with a disabled badge (shows how long ago this was as it was orange). He used to get strange looks when he parked it in a disabled space (which he would only do if there were no other spaces)

    Reply
  162. keithrealist
    keithrealist says:

    I had a friend (who unfortunately I have since lost touch with) who, as a result of being run over by a beer lorry (he used to tell people that the reason he didn’t drink was because he had too much beer when he was younger), had difficulty walking any distance and an ostomy bag. He also had a 1300 cc motorbike with a disabled badge (shows how long ago this was as it was orange). He used to get strange looks when he parked it in a disabled space (which he would only do if there were no other spaces)

    Reply
  163. Gaynor
    Gaynor says:

    I do understand where your coming from and I myself have gotten annoyed when people that you know do abuse using the disabled toilets, I my self at times have to use one due to serious back problems and I to have had the looks, I use a stick but if I can help it I try not to use them, because my husband is wheelchair bound and suffers too.. I don’t think we as people will ever make it fair, because of the selfish people that have caused this in the first place.. I proberbly from now on will think on in future..

    Reply
  164. Gaynor
    Gaynor says:

    I do understand where your coming from and I myself have gotten annoyed when people that you know do abuse using the disabled toilets, I my self at times have to use one due to serious back problems and I to have had the looks, I use a stick but if I can help it I try not to use them, because my husband is wheelchair bound and suffers too.. I don’t think we as people will ever make it fair, because of the selfish people that have caused this in the first place.. I proberbly from now on will think on in future..

    Reply
  165. J
    J says:

    Disability is not just on the outside of a body some people look fine on the outside but can have a inside illness a brain injury a mental health don’t always presume disability means walking sticks or a wheelchair

    Reply
  166. J
    J says:

    Disability is not just on the outside of a body some people look fine on the outside but can have a inside illness a brain injury a mental health don’t always presume disability means walking sticks or a wheelchair

    Reply
  167. Pam matthews
    Pam matthews says:

    Hi. I am disabled and had a run in with an old lady on Monday because i was parked in a disabled spot with my blue badges, i ended up having a tantrum because she told me i “didn’t look disabled” I know exactly how you feel and remember that only the ignorant are the one’s who don’t think. Kind regards Pam

    Reply
  168. Pam matthews
    Pam matthews says:

    Hi. I am disabled and had a run in with an old lady on Monday because i was parked in a disabled spot with my blue badges, i ended up having a tantrum because she told me i “didn’t look disabled” I know exactly how you feel and remember that only the ignorant are the one’s who don’t think. Kind regards Pam

    Reply
  169. nilsinela boray (@northernheckler)
    nilsinela boray (@northernheckler) says:

    My wife is disabled, rarely uses a wheelchair, and we frequently get the tuts. I often get them myself parking the car in a disabled bay – I could explain that it’s not me who’s disabled, but my wife – we parked the car originally at the other side of the shopping centre, that I’ve been with my wife the whole time while we’ve slowly walked the few hundred yards from one side to the other – stopping off several times for her to sit and rest in between, and managing to look in two, maybe three on the top side, shops on the way, and that I’ve then walked all the way back to move the car round, because she doesn’t have the stamina to walk back, and am now going back in the shopping centre where she’s waiting, to help her back to the car. I could explain, but why should I ? What business is it of theirs ? Good luck – I hope you don’t get many more tuts.

    Reply
  170. nilsinela boray (@northernheckler)
    nilsinela boray (@northernheckler) says:

    My wife is disabled, rarely uses a wheelchair, and we frequently get the tuts. I often get them myself parking the car in a disabled bay – I could explain that it’s not me who’s disabled, but my wife – we parked the car originally at the other side of the shopping centre, that I’ve been with my wife the whole time while we’ve slowly walked the few hundred yards from one side to the other – stopping off several times for her to sit and rest in between, and managing to look in two, maybe three on the top side, shops on the way, and that I’ve then walked all the way back to move the car round, because she doesn’t have the stamina to walk back, and am now going back in the shopping centre where she’s waiting, to help her back to the car. I could explain, but why should I ? What business is it of theirs ? Good luck – I hope you don’t get many more tuts.

    Reply
  171. Rose Marie
    Rose Marie says:

    I know that many people believe that a toilet with a Disabled sign indicates that it is for use of people in wheelchairs only. I think that it is really indicating that it is a wide toilet area suitable for wheelchairs users – but not exclusively. So I don’t mind (too much) if somebody wants to butt in and use it because the queue is too long to wait in turn. I have done the same myself – but I would never criticise any one for doing so – one never knows another person’s story.

    Reply
  172. Rose Marie
    Rose Marie says:

    I know that many people believe that a toilet with a Disabled sign indicates that it is for use of people in wheelchairs only. I think that it is really indicating that it is a wide toilet area suitable for wheelchairs users – but not exclusively. So I don’t mind (too much) if somebody wants to butt in and use it because the queue is too long to wait in turn. I have done the same myself – but I would never criticise any one for doing so – one never knows another person’s story.

    Reply
  173. shazsilverwolf
    shazsilverwolf says:

    Totally agree with this. I have a temporary colostomy, due to bowel cancer treatment, and as she says, if you need to change your pouch, you need a sink handy. It is horrible walking past a long line of ladies waiting for the regular toilets, and going into the disabled, when you don’t look as if you have the need, or right for it. They look at you as if you are just queue jumping. Once or twice, I’ve been tempted to get a spare pouch out of my kit, and walk past the line, waving it in the air!

    Reply
  174. shazsilverwolf
    shazsilverwolf says:

    Totally agree with this. I have a temporary colostomy, due to bowel cancer treatment, and as she says, if you need to change your pouch, you need a sink handy. It is horrible walking past a long line of ladies waiting for the regular toilets, and going into the disabled, when you don’t look as if you have the need, or right for it. They look at you as if you are just queue jumping. Once or twice, I’ve been tempted to get a spare pouch out of my kit, and walk past the line, waving it in the air!

    Reply
  175. Tracy
    Tracy says:

    I too know where you are coming from, I have MS and do not look disabled at all but MS means when I need to go I have to GO! I try and use the standard loos but if there is a queue or the disabled is closer then I will use the disabled loo.

    Reply
  176. Tracy
    Tracy says:

    I too know where you are coming from, I have MS and do not look disabled at all but MS means when I need to go I have to GO! I try and use the standard loos but if there is a queue or the disabled is closer then I will use the disabled loo.

    Reply
  177. Jan Halup
    Jan Halup says:

    I to have to use disabled toilets, so for these not so understanding people here is a thought, I have a disease no one can see, the way I feel it will be the end of me, you do not look ill, that’s what they say, I would like them to be me, just for a day!

    Reply
  178. Jan Halup
    Jan Halup says:

    I to have to use disabled toilets, so for these not so understanding people here is a thought, I have a disease no one can see, the way I feel it will be the end of me, you do not look ill, that’s what they say, I would like them to be me, just for a day!

    Reply
  179. Doris
    Doris says:

    Surely it’s ok for a able bodied person to use a disabled toilet, surly its just a toilet that happens to be suitable for wheelchair access…

    Reply
    • Sarah Clarke
      Sarah Clarke says:

      And what about the disabled person who is prevented from using the loo, could be any one of the people posting here who need to use a loo urgently for the reasons explained? Some of us can’t wait for an able bodied person to finish what they’re doing, an able bodied person who is more than capable of using an ordinary loo, unlike others,

      Reply
    • stuco
      stuco says:

      Yes, they are designed to accommodate wheelchair users but are accessible to all. Some double up as baby changing facilities. Some premises have only accessible toilets intended to be used by all. For some the size means you can fit baby-in-pram and toddler in with you – not possible in normal cubicles.

      Reply
  180. Doris
    Doris says:

    Surely it’s ok for a able bodied person to use a disabled toilet, surly its just a toilet that happens to be suitable for wheelchair access…

    Reply
    • Sarah Clarke
      Sarah Clarke says:

      And what about the disabled person who is prevented from using the loo, could be any one of the people posting here who need to use a loo urgently for the reasons explained? Some of us can’t wait for an able bodied person to finish what they’re doing, an able bodied person who is more than capable of using an ordinary loo, unlike others,

      Reply
    • stuco
      stuco says:

      Yes, they are designed to accommodate wheelchair users but are accessible to all. Some double up as baby changing facilities. Some premises have only accessible toilets intended to be used by all. For some the size means you can fit baby-in-pram and toddler in with you – not possible in normal cubicles.

      Reply
  181. George Kennedy-Smith
    George Kennedy-Smith says:

    I empathise with this person, I have only 73cm of my small intestine left, an average person has 5 to 6 Metres. I find when I go anywhere the first thing I note is where is the nearest toilet. Granted I don’t have a colostomy bag now, having been reconnected. I do have the same problems as the lady, I also feel embarrassed when I need to use public toilets, and yes people do look at me and I know what they are thinking,I don’t think people do these things intentionally , they don’t understand and of course if a disability is not visible then it’s not there! On a recent visit to hospital as an in patient I naturally had to use the toilet, the unpleasant smell ensued, in came the domestic and began spraying air freshener ,that has stayed with me, she might have been a little more discreet and spare my feelings , apart from that I has wonderful treatment .

    Reply
  182. George Kennedy-Smith
    George Kennedy-Smith says:

    I empathise with this person, I have only 73cm of my small intestine left, an average person has 5 to 6 Metres. I find when I go anywhere the first thing I note is where is the nearest toilet. Granted I don’t have a colostomy bag now, having been reconnected. I do have the same problems as the lady, I also feel embarrassed when I need to use public toilets, and yes people do look at me and I know what they are thinking,I don’t think people do these things intentionally , they don’t understand and of course if a disability is not visible then it’s not there! On a recent visit to hospital as an in patient I naturally had to use the toilet, the unpleasant smell ensued, in came the domestic and began spraying air freshener ,that has stayed with me, she might have been a little more discreet and spare my feelings , apart from that I has wonderful treatment .

    Reply
  183. concerneddaughter
    concerneddaughter says:

    My mum is recovering from a brain tumour that means she currently doesn’t have full use of one of her hands. As a result she has great difficulty dressing herself. My father or I have to go into the cubicle with her to make sure she’s is properly dressed after she has been to the toilet. As most cubicles are not bigger enough for two, and in the case of my father who is obviously not allowed into the ladies, the disabled toilet is our only option. I hate the dissaproving looks we get but what choice do we have if she can’t pull up her own pants? People should not always think the worst and try to be a little understanding of problems that can’t always be seen!

    Reply
  184. concerneddaughter
    concerneddaughter says:

    My mum is recovering from a brain tumour that means she currently doesn’t have full use of one of her hands. As a result she has great difficulty dressing herself. My father or I have to go into the cubicle with her to make sure she’s is properly dressed after she has been to the toilet. As most cubicles are not bigger enough for two, and in the case of my father who is obviously not allowed into the ladies, the disabled toilet is our only option. I hate the dissaproving looks we get but what choice do we have if she can’t pull up her own pants? People should not always think the worst and try to be a little understanding of problems that can’t always be seen!

    Reply
  185. Sue Harris
    Sue Harris says:

    As someone who had IBS, for 10 years that often landed me in hospital, I only got my life back after surgery so know the looks you get when you nip into the disabled loo (I had a Radar key too) – and I have also experienced it ‘from the other side’.

    My mother had Lewy Body dementia and was also registered disabled due to severe arthritis, but she wouldn’t unless forced, use the disabled loos because she felt she could manage in a public loo. On one of her good days before she really deteriorated and still living independently, we stopped at a motorway service station and she toddled off to the loo on her own. It was only the hoots of laughter and screams that caused me to investigate. There, on the floor surrounded by women was my mother. She had put her walking stick and handbag on the wash basins (handbag now missing of course) and gone into the cubicle. Getting confused with loo paper, clothes, where was her bag and her stick, where is my daughter, she wandered out without dressing herself. What were these women doing? They were physically poking her for having her trousers and pants round her ankles so she fell, they were saying she was a ‘mad old bag’ and ‘should be put down’. Did one actually realise she was perhaps not 100% well and try to help? No. Did other people walk past her tutting at these other women? Yes. Am I humiliated by my mother’s condition? Never. I think they were perhaps somewhat taken back at just how angry and vocal I was and if they are reading this, I hope they too are one day ill and someone treats them the same way. Until the day my mother lost all her faculties, she remembered that incident and cried. How dare they treat anyone that way. I never left her alone again, I always followed at a discreet distance in case the same happened again. She knew she was losing her dignity, she didn’t need cows like that to point it out to her. 12 years after her death I am still angry at how callous people can be.

    Reply
    • sam
      sam says:

      I cannot believe that!!!!! What the hell is wrong with those people?! I would have been furious and heartbroken – your poor mum.

      Thanks so much for your comment xxxxx

      Reply
  186. Sue Harris
    Sue Harris says:

    As someone who had IBS, for 10 years that often landed me in hospital, I only got my life back after surgery so know the looks you get when you nip into the disabled loo (I had a Radar key too) – and I have also experienced it ‘from the other side’.

    My mother had Lewy Body dementia and was also registered disabled due to severe arthritis, but she wouldn’t unless forced, use the disabled loos because she felt she could manage in a public loo. On one of her good days before she really deteriorated and still living independently, we stopped at a motorway service station and she toddled off to the loo on her own. It was only the hoots of laughter and screams that caused me to investigate. There, on the floor surrounded by women was my mother. She had put her walking stick and handbag on the wash basins (handbag now missing of course) and gone into the cubicle. Getting confused with loo paper, clothes, where was her bag and her stick, where is my daughter, she wandered out without dressing herself. What were these women doing? They were physically poking her for having her trousers and pants round her ankles so she fell, they were saying she was a ‘mad old bag’ and ‘should be put down’. Did one actually realise she was perhaps not 100% well and try to help? No. Did other people walk past her tutting at these other women? Yes. Am I humiliated by my mother’s condition? Never. I think they were perhaps somewhat taken back at just how angry and vocal I was and if they are reading this, I hope they too are one day ill and someone treats them the same way. Until the day my mother lost all her faculties, she remembered that incident and cried. How dare they treat anyone that way. I never left her alone again, I always followed at a discreet distance in case the same happened again. She knew she was losing her dignity, she didn’t need cows like that to point it out to her. 12 years after her death I am still angry at how callous people can be.

    Reply
    • sam
      sam says:

      I cannot believe that!!!!! What the hell is wrong with those people?! I would have been furious and heartbroken – your poor mum.

      Thanks so much for your comment xxxxx

      Reply
  187. Lady Sarah Thomas
    Lady Sarah Thomas says:

    I have ceoliacs disease and if I accidently eat gluten – I need to run as you described – there is no stopping it, I can’t do anything but run as that is what gluten does to me. I have used the men’s on one occasions due to the urgency. My problem is nothing like what you go throught but I can understand the having to run to a toilet in the hope I make it before there is an accident xx. Love and hugs xx. Lady Sarah-Louise Thomas xx

    Reply
  188. Lady Sarah Thomas
    Lady Sarah Thomas says:

    I have ceoliacs disease and if I accidently eat gluten – I need to run as you described – there is no stopping it, I can’t do anything but run as that is what gluten does to me. I have used the men’s on one occasions due to the urgency. My problem is nothing like what you go throught but I can understand the having to run to a toilet in the hope I make it before there is an accident xx. Love and hugs xx. Lady Sarah-Louise Thomas xx

    Reply
  189. Marian Harrelson
    Marian Harrelson says:

    Good for you, I have often thought that anyone can have hidden disabilities such as yours, and as a continence nurse and a sufferer of IBS I also use disabled when I have urgency….go girl!

    Reply
  190. Marian Harrelson
    Marian Harrelson says:

    Good for you, I have often thought that anyone can have hidden disabilities such as yours, and as a continence nurse and a sufferer of IBS I also use disabled when I have urgency….go girl!

    Reply
  191. Margaret Bauer
    Margaret Bauer says:

    No, Doris, it’s not ok for able bodied people to use a disabled loo. As other people have said, when we need to ‘go’ we REALLY need to ‘go’ so finding the loo occupied by someone who could have queued is extremely frustrating not to mention possibly embarrassing. Please, everyone, think a little more widely than just a wheelchair.

    Reply
    • stuco
      stuco says:

      It is alright for people to use a disabled loo if they are not disabled as they are accessible loos – not disabled. You do not need to be registered disabled – visable or not – to use them. Some premises have only 1 female and 1 male toilet which are also accessible and are intended to be used by able and disabled people. What happens then if the loo is occupied? Some also double up as baby changing areas with the drop down changing table. I have used accessible toilets when my children were babies and it was a choice of taking the pram in with me or leaving them alone on the other side of a closed door. I have also used one when my children were toilet training and there was a queue for the ladies. Should they be allowed to soil themselves because they are not registered disabled and the accessible toilet was vacant? My mother is not registered disabled but due to radical whipples surgery, when she needs to go, she needs to go. Both my children and mother are able bodied. Should she risk soiling herself because she is not registered disabled? Of course courtesy would dictate that if you are able and can wait you would use the ‘normal’ loos but sometimes it’s not about the disability but the vacancy and size of cubicle available.

      Reply
  192. Margaret Bauer
    Margaret Bauer says:

    No, Doris, it’s not ok for able bodied people to use a disabled loo. As other people have said, when we need to ‘go’ we REALLY need to ‘go’ so finding the loo occupied by someone who could have queued is extremely frustrating not to mention possibly embarrassing. Please, everyone, think a little more widely than just a wheelchair.

    Reply
    • stuco
      stuco says:

      It is alright for people to use a disabled loo if they are not disabled as they are accessible loos – not disabled. You do not need to be registered disabled – visable or not – to use them. Some premises have only 1 female and 1 male toilet which are also accessible and are intended to be used by able and disabled people. What happens then if the loo is occupied? Some also double up as baby changing areas with the drop down changing table. I have used accessible toilets when my children were babies and it was a choice of taking the pram in with me or leaving them alone on the other side of a closed door. I have also used one when my children were toilet training and there was a queue for the ladies. Should they be allowed to soil themselves because they are not registered disabled and the accessible toilet was vacant? My mother is not registered disabled but due to radical whipples surgery, when she needs to go, she needs to go. Both my children and mother are able bodied. Should she risk soiling herself because she is not registered disabled? Of course courtesy would dictate that if you are able and can wait you would use the ‘normal’ loos but sometimes it’s not about the disability but the vacancy and size of cubicle available.

      Reply
  193. michelle
    michelle says:

    This made me cry. I supported my partner who had a stoma through tough times. He was humiliated enough and list all dignity when a bodged op meant he had an iliectomy. Through the time he faced the same looks stress and mocking from those whos lack of knowledge sympathy and understanding made living daily a heartbresk to watch. So i have the utmost respect for uou ‘Sam’ for raising such a personal sensitive subject. Bless you . My partner did have a reversal but the memories are still with us xx

    Reply
  194. michelle
    michelle says:

    This made me cry. I supported my partner who had a stoma through tough times. He was humiliated enough and list all dignity when a bodged op meant he had an iliectomy. Through the time he faced the same looks stress and mocking from those whos lack of knowledge sympathy and understanding made living daily a heartbresk to watch. So i have the utmost respect for uou ‘Sam’ for raising such a personal sensitive subject. Bless you . My partner did have a reversal but the memories are still with us xx

    Reply
  195. Louise Davies
    Louise Davies says:

    I am lucky, I have a visible disability so can openly use the disabled loo without any problems. My daughters husband who has cancer of the bowel amongst other cancers does not look disabled and so consequently gets quite a lot of grief. All that I can say to these ignorant people is be glad that you are healthy and don’t judge others.

    Reply
  196. Louise Davies
    Louise Davies says:

    I am lucky, I have a visible disability so can openly use the disabled loo without any problems. My daughters husband who has cancer of the bowel amongst other cancers does not look disabled and so consequently gets quite a lot of grief. All that I can say to these ignorant people is be glad that you are healthy and don’t judge others.

    Reply
  197. Paul
    Paul says:

    Yep… I know where this lady is coming from and to my shame before being in a similar position actually confronted someone for parking in a disabled slot to be told by the lady driver that she had a heart condition which meant she couldn’t walk very far. She too looked totally able-bodied as did I (I am now thanks to surgeons who connected me back up). I would like to remind people that not all disabilities are visible and also that disabled toilets are subsequently not designed for all disabilities but they are better than public toilets. Think on…

    Reply
    • sam
      sam says:

      I think what is great, is that from this post people are reassessing their actions! Ive had a few people say they have probably judged too quickly – it is something we all can be guilty of but it is great to be talking and thinking about how to be more open and caring xxx

      Reply
  198. Paul
    Paul says:

    Yep… I know where this lady is coming from and to my shame before being in a similar position actually confronted someone for parking in a disabled slot to be told by the lady driver that she had a heart condition which meant she couldn’t walk very far. She too looked totally able-bodied as did I (I am now thanks to surgeons who connected me back up). I would like to remind people that not all disabilities are visible and also that disabled toilets are subsequently not designed for all disabilities but they are better than public toilets. Think on…

    Reply
    • sam
      sam says:

      I think what is great, is that from this post people are reassessing their actions! Ive had a few people say they have probably judged too quickly – it is something we all can be guilty of but it is great to be talking and thinking about how to be more open and caring xxx

      Reply
  199. Denis
    Denis says:

    I so agree it happened to me I have no large bowel and have an ileostomy In a local Tesco Northcott in Glengormley I was asked by a lady as i left the disabled toilet “what you doing in there there’s nothing wrong with you”. In my state of shock at being approached I just lifted up my shirt to show her the appliance attached to my tummy I said to her does this look normal to you I thought she was going to collapse serves her right for jumping to conclusions

    Reply
  200. Denis
    Denis says:

    I so agree it happened to me I have no large bowel and have an ileostomy In a local Tesco Northcott in Glengormley I was asked by a lady as i left the disabled toilet “what you doing in there there’s nothing wrong with you”. In my state of shock at being approached I just lifted up my shirt to show her the appliance attached to my tummy I said to her does this look normal to you I thought she was going to collapse serves her right for jumping to conclusions

    Reply