what would you tell your 18 year old self?

Dating older men – The Kylie/Tyga furore

I don’t watch The Kardashians, I am not a fan of Tyga, (I’ll be honest, I had no idea who either Kylie or Tyga were before yesterday) yet I found myself googling them after my twitter feed became filled with a slut shaming, paedophile questioning bitchfest.

So, incase you too are in blissful ignorance of this story, Kylie Jenner is the 17 year old sister of Kim Kardashian and has begun dating a rapper named Tyga who is 25.  They have been publicly mocked and there have been many comments discussing whether this man is a predatory sex offender for dating a girl 8 years his junior, whilst other “celebrities” have waded in calling each other sluts and hoes… Classy right?!

So why do I care?

Well, at 17 I met my husband, who was 26.  It raised a few eyebrows, but we shrugged and got on with getting to know each other.   Sixteen years and three children later, we are still together, very happy and the nine year age gap is unnoticeable.

I genuinely don’t care about these so called celebrities, I have no interest in reading about their sex tapes, clothes lines or celeb drama.  But I do find it interesting that people on social media have shown such outrage at the age gap.  That Kylie has been called a slut and a slag, she has been picked apart and mocked. Tyga has been called a paedophile! He has been ridiculed and there are many suggesting he groomed a child.

Whilst dating a man 8 years older than you isn’t the norm for all 17 year olds, you can hardly call the life of a Kardashian normal, here is a girl who has grown up on TV, she lives a celebrity lifestyle with all the riches and benefits of having a lot of money.  Her relationships will be shaped and moulded by her experiences, the average 17 year old doesn’t get offered clothes lines with TopShop do they? So it is hardly surprising that her choice in partners doesn’t fit with the average mould.

age gap relationships

My life was far from Keeping up with the Kardashians, I lived in and out of my family home from the age of 14/15.  With my sisters, aunties, friends and in a terrifying flat in Sheffield where I left after having all sorts shoved through my letter box and being afraid to leave the house.  I had an absent father and a step father who wasn’t my biggest fan.  I wonder if there is a reason why I have always dated older men? At 16 I dated a man in his 30s…  I sometimes joke that I have father figure issues!

The reality is that I met and fell in love with a man.  We grew together, learnt together and joined as one and made a family.  He was nine years older than me and I was 17.  But that age gap is not what our relationship has ever been about, we have so much in common, we are different in many ways, but that just compliments each other.  We just fell in love.

age gap relationships

I am not an advocate of age gap relationships, I am an advocate of being open to who you fall in love with.  And as long as relationships are filled with love, trust, respect and care, then whatever the age difference we should be accepting of how other people want to live their lives.

 

Sam x

0 replies
  1. gutsygeordie
    gutsygeordie says:

    I was 20 when I started seeing my (now) husband. He was 32. We’ve been together for 14 years and happily married for almost 11 years. Everyone doubted us, called us all sorts of names, made out that my husband was only using me for a shag and because I was pert, I just was just a wild child etc. He even started to doubt us after a few months of constant questioning but his best mate gave him the ‘Meet Joe Black’ speech and we’ve been solid ever since. It’s still a running joke to this day that I’m just a shag!

    Reply
  2. gutsygeordie
    gutsygeordie says:

    I was 20 when I started seeing my (now) husband. He was 32. We’ve been together for 14 years and happily married for almost 11 years. Everyone doubted us, called us all sorts of names, made out that my husband was only using me for a shag and because I was pert, I just was just a wild child etc. He even started to doubt us after a few months of constant questioning but his best mate gave him the ‘Meet Joe Black’ speech and we’ve been solid ever since. It’s still a running joke to this day that I’m just a shag!

    Reply
  3. Brian
    Brian says:

    There’s a formula for this! The socially acceptable formula is… half your age + 7. i.e. a 26 year old could date a 20 year old and it “sounds” fine. But a 19 year old, it “sounds” wrong. Or a 50 year old could date someone 32. But 31 “sounds” too young.

    I’m very glad that people don’t listen to this made up formula though. The world would be missing some amazing couples right now.

    Reply
  4. Brian
    Brian says:

    There’s a formula for this! The socially acceptable formula is… half your age + 7. i.e. a 26 year old could date a 20 year old and it “sounds” fine. But a 19 year old, it “sounds” wrong. Or a 50 year old could date someone 32. But 31 “sounds” too young.

    I’m very glad that people don’t listen to this made up formula though. The world would be missing some amazing couples right now.

    Reply
  5. Renee
    Renee says:

    Well said Sam! I’m 40 & my husband is 68. Everyone said we wouldn’t make it, but we’ve been together 17 years and couldn’t be happier.

    Reply
  6. Renee
    Renee says:

    Well said Sam! I’m 40 & my husband is 68. Everyone said we wouldn’t make it, but we’ve been together 17 years and couldn’t be happier.

    Reply
  7. Madie_H
    Madie_H says:

    Your thoughts on this are very open-minded and kind. I feel like it’s patronising to Kylie when people assume she ‘doesn’t know any better’ or hasn’t factored in whether he’s truly interested in her or not. I appreciate the concern due to her age – she is young, but she’s still a person capable of love and so is he. Hopefully people will assume women have the intelligence to look after themselves one day, without people judging them in the name of ‘looking out for them’.

    Reply
  8. Madie_H
    Madie_H says:

    Your thoughts on this are very open-minded and kind. I feel like it’s patronising to Kylie when people assume she ‘doesn’t know any better’ or hasn’t factored in whether he’s truly interested in her or not. I appreciate the concern due to her age – she is young, but she’s still a person capable of love and so is he. Hopefully people will assume women have the intelligence to look after themselves one day, without people judging them in the name of ‘looking out for them’.

    Reply

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