Disappointment
I’m feeling pretty down today and it’s because I feel really disappointed. My mum said earlier something that struck me, “you throw yourself into things and people 100% and then you’re disappointed when others don’t do the same.”
I think she’s right and I think that’s my problem rather than other people’s.
I am an enthusiastic person and I probably have too high expectations of others. I believe in people and then I feel let down when they aren’t what I thought.
I get cancelled on a lot. And I do wonder whether it’s just coincidence or whether I’m doing something wrong? Am I over the top? Am I too open? I try and please a lot, I know that. I want people to like me and I feel sick to my stomach when I think someone doesn’t like me or when they walk away.
A lot of it probably comes down to my dad leaving. I think I have abandonment issues, then in the past few months three close family members have decided they don’t want to be part of my life and that’s tough.
I have been trying to arrange an event for Crohns and Colitis UK and have found myself overwhelmed with the work and lack of support. Today we’ve had to cancel the event because we didn’t sell any where near enough tickets. I am absolutely gutted and feel I’ve let down the charity. But I also feel really disappointed that others didn’t really pull together to get it off the ground.
This is probably unfair of me, again my expectations of others have led to my own disappointment. I have to take responsibility for this, no one else has the ability to make me feel disapointed, it’s my own ideals that have done it and I don’t have the right to put expectations on other people.
I think I’m just feeling a bit sorry for myself, I know I am so lucky to have some wonderful friends and family and I think I need to focus more on the people who care about me than on those who don’t.
Sam X
Oh Sam, I sing off the same hymn sheet everyday. My expectations of the people in my life and around me are just way to high. It really soul deep hurts when people let me down. It is something I am working on as not everyone is like us. We are a special breed of people, feel proud and never let anyone drown your sparkle.
I am so sorry to hear your event had to be cancelled so last minute. You did nothing wrong honey. Dust your self off and start planning the next one. Do not feel defeated by it. And just to note it is perfectly OK to have a moment and feel sorry for yourself.
Hey, If we don’t none else will!!!
Big love
Alex xxx
This article could literally have been written about me! Minus the family issues, but the constant feeling of being let down and ‘flaked’ on is a constant feature of my life. I have MS and I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant and have been unable to work since around 20 weeks pregnant due to health problems. I have for all intents and purposes (and whether this is true or perceived) have been completely forgotten about by a great deal of people I thought were friends. I’m not one for asking for help and fear I’ll be seen as needy if I’m asking people to come and see me or asking if they want to go out for lunch or whatever just to catch up. I feel that I would do that without question for them. I’ve come to the conclusion that most people are a bit shit to be honest and I’m slowly coming to terms with that and relishing the time I get to spend with the people who I adore and who adore me back. Chin up lovely Sam and don’t change for anyone xxxx
I lost all my friends and my fiance. The friends didn’t even enquire as to why i had disappeared. Im friendless now. The fiance new i was ill when he met me but left it four years to tell me he wanted to be with someone who could do more things.. Arse-smear. I am the same same, very disappointed in folks. When i was younger i was a bit of a doormat but i grew out of that. Hugs xx
Awe Sam, don’t give up Hun, life is a roller coaster and doesn’t always go up but are a wonderful and passionate person who will always have loads of friends around you ❤️ I felt like this when I started doing the SC&C coffee meet-ups as I expected a lot more people to turn up and felt a little disappointed, but now I don’t mind because I know I am helping a few people which is the important thing and they have become good friends too ?? Families are always tricky and I think every family has 1 or 2 members who distance themselves from the rest but that’s their loss at the end of the day. Live your life for you Hun and your own beautiful family ?? Nic x
Oh you remind me of me in grad-school! In undregrad it was so much easier to overlook and be resilient towards such behavior from others but I hear you. I hope you can take a stand in letting others know how valuable you are and your time. Wishing you all the best!
Hi Sam
I can only echo everybody else’s comments . As I’ve said before I’ve been through a lot and my sister has stood by me and taken me to appointments and I have another test to go through but my family don’t see me or my children even on Mothers Day. I do so much for them but I feel when they are happy I don’t exist. Because I have severe anxiety disorder and I am agrophobic due to the way an ex partner has treated me after 11 years of leaving me alone to cope after major op and cancer involving a stoma and all the nightmare that went with that I can’t go out so I do not have one good friend. I live alone and might just as well not be here as nobody would miss me. I feel hated by every one and my neighbours as there are so many people who hate me due what the ex has done and I can’t pick myself up. I was up all last night in pain and alone with nobody to talk to. My only thought is apart from Crhons desease, ulcerative cholitis, what category do I fall into as I have had my rectum removed but enough left to have stoma taken away but it stil isn’t easy as I have ulcers and inflammation around the area which I had the operation and in so much pain and so I have a bowel disorder and I am going through all this Ali e and I live alone. Every day is a dark day for me. Very similar to you my Dad died when I was 16 and I always wanted to be accepted by him but feel he didn’t like me so I understand where you are coming from totally. Is this why I’m alone because I also have high expectations of others ? I do feel I shouldn’t be abandoned and my heart goes out to you and your words sum up exactly how I feel and struck a chord with me. It’s bloody unfair and life is shit. Don’t give up fighting Sam as you have more support than you think. Sue
Hey sue, that sounds really tough. I can relate in some ways about having high expectations and all that. Nowadays I try to change and be more easygoing. It’s better I guess, and I guess we have to accept that everyone different and their love language is different? My dearest wishes for you to have the strength to fight on and dearly hope the best between you and your family. Your Sister still there beside you?
My hubby often says I’ve got high expectations but it’s a matter of opinion I guess. I don’t expect anything of others that I wouldn’t of myself.
I’m sorry you feel low and let down by other people. That’s
your problem and you have to deal with it in a way that suits you and you can manage. perhaps now is a time when you should/ could take a step back from being responsible for people outside you and your family and just focus on yourselves for a while … Just until you get your sense of balance back. Remember everyone who thinks well of you, all those who support you and what you’re trying to achieve … Stay close to smaller challenges … Don’t take on too much … Bake a cake, watch TV, read a book, love the children, smile at your husband. Then say how well you did at all those. the day will come when you want to try again. Don’t beat yourself up in the meantime, just live in the moment. You are doing a good job and there are moments when I read your blog when you help me to do a better job. Thanks.
Been there. Done that. You’d think I’d learn my lesson about letdown and expectations. I’m in the process of disolving my marriage of 24 years for just those reasons. I’m tired of meeting my spouses expectations and catering to her emotional whims. Yet she feels no need to give me the same level of emotional support. Meh! It’s the lot of empathic people. Feeling too much from others colors my perceptions. I become emotionally invested in people until they leave me bankrupt of feelings.
Hang in there SamX. You do good work.
Jack Merica
This was a great read Sam. I am currently in the same boat and feeling the same right now. Sometimes it feels like a vicious cycle because I feel like my compassion is constantly jepordized and it’s unfair. Currently experiencing this with my relationship atm. I give so much of myself to make others happy; or I’ll have expectations and when they’re not met. It takes a toll on me. Mentally and emotionally.
I sincerely admire your courage, and the effort you put into informing people about inflammatory bowel disease – not irritable bowel. Real, incurable inflammatory bowel diseases like Crohn’s and Colitis – it involves gut surgeries, and pain, fatigue, scars – inner and outer. It can mean being in hospital a lot, losing friends because they are afraid of the unknown – family may not understand or be supportive – it is really, really hard. Yet, you brave it all and tell the truth, and you make hard decisions – you truly are the most loving and courageous woman I’ve met – besides my daughter who has Crohn’s – she leaves me in awe. You both amaze me! I wish I could be half as brave, half as resilient, and half as open about the reality of autoimmune diseases and the pain that goes with. Pain can take you down, and some doctors fail to provide help with pain – nothing I think about that can be written down in public forums. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being so brave – thank you for inspiring me! Thank you for supporting every person with Crohn’s and/or Colitis – you rock! You save lives…
You got a good point there: You have some great friends and family. They probably give you what you give them too. I think though, that you also have to see that some people look at things slightly different and they might think that what they give you is their 100% although you might not see it. I’m like you. I do give 100% and I always expect the same to receive as well. I had a friend and thought that she would not give me 100%. Over the years though I learned that she did. In her way. I learned that she is actually one of the friends I can always count on and who was always there for me. I learned that although she does not keep in touch the way I want her to do, she always thinks of me and she knows how I am. They way she is, what she gives me is her 100%. I see it now.