We ask kids all the time what do they want to be when they grow up, they may answer astronaut or doctor or teacher and some of they may mean it! We ask again when they’re about to choose their GCSE options, the lucky ones will have an aim and know which road they’re heading down.
But for so many of us, we have no clue! Or we have a million ideas but struggle to know which one is right.
When I was younger I wanted to be a midwife though my dream was to be a writer but I didn’t think someone like me could ever do that. I didn’t feel very suppported in making decisions and certainly university was never suggested as an option for me.
I worked for a telesales company, in a bingo hall, in a restaurant and a clothes shop but I was living in and out of the family home, on friends sofas, with my sisters, my aunty, in a shared house and a brief stint in a terrifying flat alone and so life was tough. I started a-levels twice but honestly, it was tough to concentrate on studies when I was working and had zero money and often was just fucking hungry!
I met Timm and then two years later we had our first baby together, for the first time I felt settled and like I had achieved something (even though I was judged for being a mum at 19). I stopped working to be a stay at home mum and then we had Eli two years later and Thom two years after that.
I absolutely adored being a stay at home mum and though sometimes it was tough, I revelled in it and I was damn good at it! When Thom was 2 I decided to train as a masseuse, odd choice maybe but I went with it and really enjoyed it. I worked in a salon and also at festivals providing massage for the bands and singers backstage. I had an absolute blast doing this but I knew it wasn’t my forever job.
I then trained as a doula which was amazing and also worked as a breast feeding support worker. This was such a brilliant and special time and I really loved it. Unfortunately I started with a flare up of Ulcerative Colitis and couldn’t get it under control. I found it very tough to carry on working whilst basically shitting myself a few times a day. Work wasn’t supportive and told me I needed to manage my time better…
In 2010 Timm decided to stop touring, he was a tour manager for arctic monkeys but was away for 9-10 months a year and life was pretty tough. He wanted to go back to his former love of photography and so we set up Timm Cleasby Photography and I worked with him on the marketing side of the business. I took my love of working with babies and even did a few baby photo shoots of my own.
Then everything went tits up in 2013 when I started with the worst flare up of Colitis I’d ever had. After 9 months of medication and being in and out of hospital I had surgery to remove my large intestine and got my first stoma.
I started this blog because there were no uk based bloggers talking about it and after going on a marketing course by KeepYourFork I got the invaluable advice from Faye to write what I knew. It was never meant to be a business and I was totally shocked at how it took off. This filled my time whilst I was too ill to work and obviously I still adore it! I was approached by an agent who asked if I wanted to write a book and I felt like my dream to be a writer was coming true! Unfortunately it didn’t come off ( though I still want to make it happen!) but I did start writing for the Metro and magazines.
In 2015 I started working for Scope and I’m still there, I love my job, I feel like I get to make a difference every day and they are an amazing charity to work for. It’s perfect for me as I work from home and they not only accept my impairment and the effects of multiple surgeries but they embrace it.
Then earlier this year completely out of the blue I got a phone call that changed my life. BBC Radio Sheffield asked if I’d be interested in auditioning as a presenter and I leapt at the opportunity.
I started my show with my cohost Leesh earlier this year called NowtSoStrangeAsFolk. It was terrifying at first! Not so much the talking but the technical side, I really doubted my abilities and wondered if I’d made a big mistake. But as I settled into it, it dawned on me. This is what I’m meant to do.
I cant even explain how amazing it feels, I adore it!!! I feel completely at home on the air and I’ve never felt so right, so comfortable, so me. I’m always doubting myself, I always think someone is going to tap me on the shoulder and tell me I’m a fraud, that I’m not good enough. But presenting makes me so happy, comfortable and just right!
And at the grand age of 37, I finally feel like I know what I want to be when I grow up. Presenting is where I feel I should be, it suits me, it feels right and good and I’m starting to believe that I’m worthy.
I would still love to write a book and my blog will always be my baby and something that has my heart. But presenting for the BBC has given me the confidence to actually believe in myself and to dare to think that I can be successful in this.
Whatever your age, whatever your background, know you can make it happen. Believe in yourself and keep pushing, keep trying, keep moving forward. And if you don’t know what you want to do then try different things, you never know where every opportunity will take you.
I hope you’re enjoying the show, I’d love to know what you think so do let me know.
✌🏽 & ❤️