Something that I have learnt over the past few years is just how tiring it is to be in pain. When you have ongoing, daily pain, it takes up so much energy both emotionally and physically. I don’t think people really understand just how exhausting it is to live in pain.
It is so hard to pinpoint which aspect of having a chronic illness that is causing fatigue and exhaustion. Is the tiredness a thing all on it’s own? Is it due to the sleepless nights, the pain or is it an emotional reaction? I think for me, it is a combination of a lot of things, but I am sure that the pain makes things so much worse.
I am in almost constant pain right now. The last surgery doesn’t seem to have worked and my stomach is swollen and misshapen. It feels like my insides are falling our both forward and downwards. I have to wear multiple support garments and take strong painkillers all the time.
I am so tired. I feel thoroughly exhausted. And I am sure that a lot of this is due to the physical pressure of constant pain. My body is working overtime to deal with it and the exhaustion of pain is so draining.
Tiredness and exhaustion is often overlooked as a small side effect, but it effects every single part of your life. Work, family, friends, intimacy, diet, exercise. How can you cook a healthy meal (even though you KNOW a good diet will make you feel better) when you are so tired, you can’t get out of bed, never mind get to the kitchen and stand and cook.
And it really effects my mood. When I am in pain and tired, I find it hard to be patient. I feel so down on myself and everything around me. I feel like I am weak and powerless and it sucks.
There are of course medical reasons for tiredness and if you are experiencing new tiredness with no reason, you should see a GP. Unfortunately for a lot of people with chronic illness, tiredness just becomes a way of life.
I suppose I am just trying to find a way to explain this tiredness to others. I worry people think I am lazy when I spend my time in bed. Or that I am rude when I am yawning and dropping off. But can you remember a time when you have been really poorly, and that draining feeling where it feels like every ounce of your body’s energy is being used up fighting illness? Well that’s how I feel most days.
Exhaustion is something I need to learn to live with, but today it all just feels too much.
Peace and love