The best mental breakdown I ever had…

Five years ago, I was preparing for j pouch surgery, I had a date booked in (ironically 30th April which is the date of my next surgery!) and I was mentally preparing myself for a big operation. When suddenly it was postponed by 6 weeks and all that emotion and adrenaline bottomed out and I was left utterly devastated.

I was so wound up readying myself for this huge surgery and when the plans changed it really knocked me and was a mess. I was crying and shaky, I couldn’t sort my head out and it was all a bit much. So I decided to run away from home! 

I spoke to my aunt and uncle in Spain and booked flights to go have a week with them on my own to try to sort my head out. It was such a difficult time and I was overwhelmed by everything, the pain, the fear of surgery, the unknown were just all too much and I went into shutdown.

traveling with a stoma

A week of sun, relaxing and time out was just what I needed and my family were so lovely to allow me to come stay with them when I was so down in the dumps.

“Just so you know” my aunty added “the boys will be here too!”

The boys are my cousins and I was thrilled that I’d be able to see them.

“And do you remember J from primary school? He is coming with his girlfriend and her daughter!”

Oh. I thought. That’s a lot of people. People I don’t know. And another woman. A stranger woman who might judge me. How can I have a mental breakdown in the sun with a strange woman watching me?!

Then I met her. Wrighty. And instantly fell in love.

Sam Cleasby

Five years ago because of having a total breakdown and running away from home, I met one of the kindest, funniest, rudest, silliest, most loving women and gained a new friend for life.

She is so open and generous, kind and caring and has an awfully sick sense of humour that makes me cackle. I feel so honoured and blessed to have her in my life.

The break was just what I needed, I came home feeling refreshed, positive and ready to face the surgery.

Over the years I have told Wrighty that I was dreading meeting her, that I couldn’t bear the thought of a strange woman being there in my lowest ebbs. And funnily enough she said that she thought ‘oh great! Some random cousin awaiting surgery! What a laugh this is going to be on our holiday!’

But we met and instantly connected, sometimes you meet someone and know immediately that you’re meant to be friends, and I knew from the very first evening I met her that we are meant to be in each others lives.

Though our friendship was so new, it felt like we’d known eachother a lifetime. She visited me in hospital weeks later, helped me, Timm and the kids out and was there in the dark times of recovery when I just needed someone to cry at.

And over the past five years, we’ve become firm friends. I’ve learnt so much from her, she’s so open with her love (that sounds weird) in that she is a very touchy feely person (I’m not making this better am I?) She made me realise how important it is to tell and show your friends that you love them and just how I probably had these walls up before that didn’t allow me to show my love so openly.

We’ve both faced good times and bad over the years and I just hope that I have been there for her as much as she’s been there for me.

It’s not often that you meet someone who you connect with so intensely, so when you do, hold it tight because that is bloody special.

Thank you Wrighty for being my friend.

✌🏽& ❤️

Sam xx

Do you remember when you learnt fat=bad?

Though nowadays we hear that social media, marketing, films and TV are putting more pressure than ever on people to feel they have to look a certain way, we also are in a time when there are many voices standing up for body confidence which was something very lacking as I was growing up.

I was born in 1981 and so was a teenager in the era of Kate Moss, heroin chic and waifs. But I remember vividly the first time I realised that society equates fat with being bad.

And ironically enough it was a story about Princess Diana, someone who later we found out battled eating disorders and was also considered to be the most beautiful woman in the world by many, that first made me go on a diet and feel rubbish about myself.

It was 1996 and photos came out in the tabloid press of Diana leaving the Harbour Club fitness centre in London wearing shorts and the story said she had cellulite on her thighs. One newspaper called her Princess Lumpy Legs. Wow, just wow.

It was literally front page fodder and was on the tv news, everyone was discussing it. So much so that the princess denied she had cellulite publicly saying the dimples on her thighs were imprints from a bar stool she had been sitting on for some time before leaving the club.

Several tabloids then actually hired models and attempted to re-create the photographs to prove or disprove whether the bar stool could cause these marks.

I’d never even heard of cellulite before this, but suddenly it was all anyone could talk about. I remember seeing girls at school squeezing the flesh on their thighs to check if they had it and thinking to myself that it must be a horrific thing to get it if the worlds most photographed woman had to speak out and deny it.

It was probably the first time I really started judging my body, I was 15 and very skinny but these stories told me that even the slim Princess could have cellulite and be totally shamed around the world for it, so what hope did I have?

In the weeks after, every newspaper, magazine and tv show was all about what diets and exercise you should do to avoid this dreaded scourge of cellulite and I took it all in. I went on my first diet and starting buying fitness videos, I never had an eating disorder but the story really affected me and changed the way I viewed not only myself but other women and I dieted for the next 20 years.

Nowadays I have learned to love my body, whatever size or shape it is. I’ve been very slim and currently due to two hernias and extreme pain stopping me from even walking very far, let alone exercising, I’m at the heaviest I’ve ever been. I’m not actually happy with my weight and shape right now, but that’s down to feeling out of control and weak not the weight itself.

After surgery I will be working on getting strong, but none of this is for anyone else nor any other reason than I want to feel strength in my body, I am so looking forward to getting back out and walking my dogs, in dancing in bars and my kitchen, in swimming and kayaking and gardening and just being a happy, active me! I have no aims to lose a certain amount of weight or to look a certain way, I just want to feel strong and like me again and I know I can feel that at a size 10 or a size 18.

sam cleasby ileostomy colostomy bag blogger body positive so bad ass

I have learnt that fat does not equal bad or ugly or shame, it’s only hateful and hurtful words that make us feel those emotions. I have learnt that my body is beautiful and wondrous and my wobbly bits, my cellulite, my scars and my ostomy bag are all part of that. I’m beautiful because of those things, not despite them.

So though social media does expose us to so many more negative images and stories, I’m glad we live in an age where we hear the positive stories too. Where we can see women of all shapes and sizes looking fabulous and telling their stories of self love.

I saw this photo of Jameela Jamil in her Instagram this week showing her cellulite and it made me reflect on how differently that image was accepted compared to the photos of Diana and it makes me feel like things are changing and it is becoming easier to love your body, however it looks.

I’d love to hear your stories, do you remember a time when a news story changed the way you feel about your body?

✌🏽& ❤️

Sam xx

 

Handover documents for life

I’m due to have a big surgery on 30th April and I’ve been told I will need 2-3months off work, obviously this is pretty stressful and I’ve been spending time creating my handover document to give to my manager and colleagues so my work will still go on whilst I’m off.

Writing all this down has actually reduced my stress levels, I’d been feeling pretty upset as I love my job and a big part of it is managing volunteers. The thought of my volunteers not getting support was getting to me but writing all the tasks down on paper made me realise that it will be fine and other people will be there to do the jobs I can’t.

And so I started to write a handover document for home! Not that my husband is stupid and can’t do all the household chores but I thought it would reduce my worries of how life is going to continue with me in hospital for two weeks and then laid up in bed  recovering.

Its nothing mind blowing, but the jobs I do that Timm and the kids don’t. Cleaning the condenser on the tumble dryer, cleaning the oven, things in the allotment. Also things like doctors and dentist appointments, kids plans with friends, house and family tasks.

But it got me thinking about what advice and guidance we leave behind when we die. (Sorry, that got morbid quickly!!!)

What words of wisdom, what thoughts and hopes and dreams, what would you want your loved ones to know if you died suddenly? What would your handover document for life be? Here’s mine.

Success is not how much money you have in the bank; success is living a happy and fulfilled life surrounded by people you love and who love you.

Time is so valuable, so spend your time with the people who make you happy, doing the things that bring you joy. It’s so easy to lose hours, days, weeks on things that aren’t joyful, some things we just have to suck up and get through, I don’t find joy in cleaning the loo but I am happier in a clean home. But the time you do have, use it wisely.

Make the time for the things that make you happy, this is about those day to day events that make you relaxed and happy, for me it’s dinner with friends, reading, gardening, sewing, my kids, my husband, watching a movie with someone I love.  I know work is important but it’s not more important than friends and family.

Be kind. Kindness is the most powerful thing in the world. Give love, kindness and care to those around you. Not just people you know but to strangers. Try and think the best of others rather than falling into negative assumptions. Think about other people, their needs, their struggles and if you can help, help.

If something or someone makes you smile, tell them. Tell your colleague how great you think they are, tell that stranger on the train that you love their boots, tell your kids they are awesome, tell your partner you appreciate  them, tell your friend how special they are to you.

Travel as much as you can. Going to new places broadens your mind, opens you up to new opportunities and teaches you more than you can ever know. This doesn’t have to be far flung destinations (though I do love visiting new countries!) but it could be your own country, even your own city!

When you get into an argument with your partner, remember that you have the same goal, to resolve it and be happy. Even if you have totally opposing views, even when you both feel hurt, what you both want is for the argument to end and for things to be sorted. It’s easy to fall into negativity and wanting to be right, to “win”, even if this means you say something hurtful. Stop, breathe and think before you speak. Words hurt and are hard to take back.

If you stand for nothing, what’ll you fall for? Stand up for things that are important to you and for people who need your support. If you have privilege then use it to stand alongside those who don’t. Stand up against racism, sexism, hate and oppression.

Tell the people you love that you love them. You may think that they know you love them and they probably do! But give it a voice, tell your kids you love them every day. Don’t forget about your friends! Think about how nice it feels to be told you are loved and give that gift to someone else.

Make sure your partner knows that they are the most important and brilliant person in your life. It’s easy to take the people closest to you for granted, but let them know how much you love them.

Listen to music, read books, go to the theatre, go see some art. Creativity is what sets us apart from animals and it brings so much joy.

Follow your heart, is there something you’ve always wanted to do? Maybe you think it’s daft, beyond your reach or even have been told you’ll never be able to do it. Give it a go! I was told by my English teacher that I’d never be a writer, that people like me can’t write, yet here I am with a blog that’s been read over 3 million times! Ok, I’ve never written a book yet, but I’m going to keep trying!

Get outdoors. Nature, fresh air and being outdoors is so beneficial for your physical and mental health. Get outside whenever you can.

Be silly. Don’t be so serious, enjoy the ridiculous things in life. Laugh, giggle, sing, dance, do whatever makes you smile.

If you are struggling, reach out and ask for help. When times are hard don’t be afraid to ask for support, whether that’s friends and family or a doctor, support service or charity. Don’t suffer alone.

Whether it’s physical health or mental health, when you’re facing challenges it can be so tough. Over the past 6 years I have dealt with so many surgeries, so much pain, depression, anxiety and feeling totally overwhelmed and that it was all too much. I understand how hard it can be. But I also know that going through life challenges has also changed me in so many good ways and has made me a kinder, tougher, more empathetic person. Whatever life throws at you, learn from it and use it.

Be the best person you can be, life is short and we never know what is around the corner, so make your life the best it can be, do the things that make you happy, be kind, show love, try your hardest and find the joy no matter how difficult.

If you had a handover document for life, what would it be?

✌🏽& ❤️

Sam xx

 

When do morals matter more than money?

You may have seen the queen that is Jameela Jamil calling out the Kardashian’s and other celebrities for their promotion of weight loss products such as appetite-suppressant lollipops,meal-replacement shakes or “cleansing” teas that act as a laxative. Also her satirical video.

In response to Khloé’s promotion of Flat Tummy shakes, Jameela said “If you’re too irresponsible to: (a) own up to the fact that you have a personal trainer, nutritionist, probable chef, and a surgeon to achieve your aesthetic, rather than this laxative product…and (b) tell them the side effects of this NON-FDA approved product, that most doctors are saying aren’t healthy…then I guess I have to.”

Kim has said regarding her Instagram adverts “If there is work that is really easy that doesn’t take away from our kids, that’s, like, a huge priority. If someone was faced with the same job opportunities, I think they would maybe consider.”

No. Just no.

I’m a working mother living with chronic illness, I’ve got one kid going off to uni this year and a 14 and 16 year old who are all bloody expensive! If I can get work that is easy and doesn’t take me away from my kids then hell yes I’m going to consider it!!

But despite the fact that my families need for financial security is far more intense that the multi millionaire Kardashian’s, morals come first every single time.

If you are a blogger, an influencer, a public speaker, someone who has a following then you have a responsibility to use that privilege with care, sensitivity, thought and love. You have a responsibility to put your followers health before your own bank statements.

I have been offered money to advertise so many things; Diet shakes, miracle IBD cures, weight loss fads and more. Money that would make my family more financially secure, money that would cover the loss of earnings of having 8 surgeries in 5 years, money that would relieve some of the stresses of having to reduce my work hours because my body can’t keep up with the physical strain.

Ive been offered money by companies that may well believe in their claims that their products can reduce symptoms of IBD, but until I see doctors telling me that these things are safe, that they work and having the knowledge that they aren’t just out to make money from desperate patients, I ain’t going to advertise it!

I run this blog because I care deeply about raising awareness of chronic illness and disability issues, because I love sharing my story in the hope of making just one person feel less isolated. And I do it for free and out of my own pocket.

I do take adverts, but each request is only taken if I truly believe in the company and can find proof that they are decent businesses providing something that I know at least some of my followers will have an interest in.

If you take into consideration the hours and money I put into this blog and the So Bad Ass social media, I run at a loss. This blog will always be free to access, I always want the support offered to be available to as many as possible and yes, I am trying to think of ways to bring in some revenue so I can keep it going.

You may notice I don’t have many ads, this is because I’m so careful at what and who I will advertise here because my blog matters to me, it’s my baby. And my readers deserve the best.

So forgive me for not shedding a tear for a multi millionaire who chooses to promote potentially dangerous and certainly questionable weight loss products to their audience because it’s easy money.

When do morals matter more than money in blogging and social media?

Every. Fucking. Time.

 

✌🏽& ❤️

Sam xxx

I got my date for surgery

So I have a date for the next, sorry I mean LAST surgery! 30th April I will be heading in for what I hope and pray will be the last operation I have.

Ive been referred onto a doctor who specialises in complex abdominal cases and he is going to repair the two hernias and move my stoma again. I have been warned that it is a major operation, that my case is complicated and will be difficult and that he won’t really know his plan until he opens me up.

The parastomal hernia is huge, the opening is very big and measures about 15cm on my stomach and they know I have a lot of adhesions, that everything is stuck together.

They said it will be around 6-7 hours of surgery, 10-14 days in hospital and 2-3 months off work recovering.

Ive been told it’s risky, that I have a 75% chance of complications and that is terrifying me. I have stopped smoking though, I’ve moved onto a vape and this reduces my risks by 10% so that’s one positive.

Ill be going straight onto the POSU (Post Operative Surgical Unit) with the chance that I may need some time in HDU (High Dependency Unit).

Sam Cleasby Sheffield blogger chronic illness hospital surgery

How am I feeling? Well it feels very real now, though I knew it was coming, having a date has set it in motion and I’m feeling panicky and anxious. I’m scared of the complications, I’m scared of the long hospital stay, I’m scared I won’t come home.

I know I can’t dwell on thinking negatively but man, I just feel so frightened that this will be the one that it too much. This will be surgery number 8 in the past 5 1/2 years and I can’t shake the feeling that it’s one too many.

I’m in so much pain every day, it feels like everything is going to fall out of my stomach every time I stand up. I am struggling to function, I’m always in bed. Doing one thing means a week of being unable to stand. I’m always medicated and drugged up and I know I can’t live like this and that I need this surgery.

And so I have to try and think positively, I’m reading a lot about the mind body connection and how meditation and visualisation can decrease pain, stress and anxiety and can improve mental health, shorten recovery time and help you heal quicker.

I feel like I’m on a narrow ridge, on one side is positivity, strength and happiness and on the other is a swirling mass of anxiety, fear, sadness and panic and honestly, I feel like I could lose my balance either way right now. I’m trying to slide into the positivity but there’s this weight pulling me towards to shit storm of crapness.

All I can do is fight. I’m doing everything I can to be as strong as I can mentally going into this. I’m meditating daily, I’m spending time outdoors, I’m planning my recovery.

But there’s still a part of me that is planning to fail. The chest freezer I bought and filled with food so Timm won’t need to worry too much about big shops when I’m in hospital is also a safety net of me thinking they’ll have food if I don’t make it. The days out and nice things I’m pushing myself to do are because I won’t be able to do much for a couple of months will also be nice memories for the what if.

Fuck, that’s dark isn’t it!!

The thing is that keeping those dark thoughts to myself gives them power, it allows them to take over my head and drown out anything good and so I say them out loud and yes, they’re depressing and horrible and messed up. But then I see them written down and can separate myself from them, I can see them for what they are; my anxious brain coming up with a list of what ifs and plans for the worst.

And once they’re out there, maybe I can let them go and go into this surgery as positive as I can be.

Wish me luck, I’m going to need it.

✌🏽& ❤️

Sam xx

Big news! Nowt So Strange As Folk!

Some of you are listeners of my radio show on BBC Radio Sheffield, NowtSoStrangeAsFolk. I started last year and the past 6 months have been an absolute blast but now I have some big news!!

The show hosted by myself and co-host Leesh Desauzay is a modern family life show and we talk about everything from relationships, disability, food, kids and more and we love it so much!

I’ve always been a talker! And I love chatting with people and hearing their wonderful stories and so being a radio presenter is just a dream come true.

And so I can’t believe that our Wednesday evening show is moving to Saturday mornings!

From Saturday 6th April, you’ll be able to listen in from 10-12 in the morning each week! Prime time baby!!!!

You can find us on BBC Radio Sheffield, online or on the BBC Sounds app, id love to hear what you think! Have a listen and get in touch – NowtSoStrangeAsFolk 

✌🏽& ❤️

Sam x

 

When illness gets in the way of intimacy – how do you make it work?

Who we are and how we feel about ourselves is based on so many different things and can alter, move and change depending on what we’re dealing with at any one time.

Right now I feel that I’m a bit lost, I feel vulnerable and raw and in particular I feel I have lost my femininity and sex appeal. And by that I don’t meant how others view me but how I view myself.

I’m generally very much changeable, equally comfortable in make up and sequins as in joggers and a jumper but more and more I find myself in those joggers and less and less making an effort due to illness, pain and fatigue.

In a world of body positivity, we know we’re all meant to love our bodies. But when our bodies are broken, causing pain, are fatigued and disfigured, sometimes I don’t love my body and actually the body positivity movement make it harder to voice that.

Currently my stomach is swollen, it has one large protrusion on one side and a smaller one on the other. I’ve gained a lot of weight because I can barely walk. Im in pain every single day. I hate how my body looks naked and none of my clothes fit me properly.

Its hard to say that though, especially as a blogger without feeling that you’re setting a bad example, not a good feminist, being negative about disability or perpetuating body stereotypes! Dude, sometimes I just want to say I don’t like how I look without it being about society! Sometimes I just want to be able to say I feel shit!

I end up in joggers most of the time because it’s the one thing that fits me and is comfortable. But it doesn’t make me happy, I know I look like a scruffy, fat mess most of the time. I’m so tired and so often I just wear a beany hat to cover how bad my hair looks and naps win over make up any day.

I used to feel sexy. And by this I don’t mean a pouty, booby show for others. I used to feel powerfully strong and beautiful and sexual and in control.

Right now I feel a million miles from that and honestly? It’s only going to get worse for a while with surgery and recovery. My body feels like it’s all about illness and treatment right now with no time or energy for looking good, for sex, for intimacy.

But because I feel so different it’s like losing a part of yourself. Like feeling like someone completely different. Like you’re a stranger to yourself.

And it can be hard to feel sexy, to give yourself to another person when you are not entirely sure who you are yourself!

It’s hard to feel ‘in the mood’ when you’re either in pain or stoned on painkillers, exhausted or asleep, when your body looks and feels weird to you or you’re wearing three different hernia belts! As they say in Hamilton, “It’s hard to have intercourse over four sets of corsets!”

Joking aside, I just feel so lost. So sad. So empty today.

I have a really physical reaction to upset, my stomach turns and flips and it’s doing cartwheels right now.

I wonder how I can be a partner to anyone in this state? How do you cope as the partner? Can relationships survive when illness gets in the way of intimacy?

I get lots of emails and messages about this subject and I know it’s sensitive and personal but I’d love to hear your experiences and thoughts.

Chronic illness changes many parts of our lives in so many different ways and sometimes it’s embarrassing and difficult to discuss those changes.

Ive had a message this week asking about this subject and I realised what a taboo it is to talk about how chronic illness can and does effect relationships, yet it must be something that so many are dealing with.

I hope this can spark a discussion that could help so many.

✌🏽 & ❤️

Sam xx

When everything sucks, build a den

I am struggling right now with pain and everything feels kind of in limbo as it feels like  there’s so little I can do other than wait for my surgery date. It’s getting me down and then that brilliant husband of mine just made it all a little better.

I had the day off work as I’d swapped days with a colleague and so he decided to take the day off. And readers, he built me a den.

Gathering sheets and string and safety pins, candles and snacks and the telly, he built me a bed den for us to hide in all day and it was heaven!

Build a den in bed

It was just what I needed, to turn my bed which had begun to feel like a bit of a negative place of illness and pain into the most perfect hideaway for the two of us. (Well two plus two dogs and all the kids who came to hang out throughout the day!)

It was a lovely thing to do but more than anything else, just having him to myself for the day was the best. We are both so busy, he is self employed (running a photography business, an arts company and a festival!) and is constantly on the go, always working and rarely has a day off. I work three days a week for Scope and also have a radio show once a week. We have three teenagers, two dogs, a cat and 4 chickens and fitting in a chronic illness that often throws all that schedule out the window makes life a bit manic at times.

And so to have a full day of being together with no work has been pure joy. Just hanging out, talking, laughing, watching TV, reading, kissing, having that rare time when it’s been me and him.

Sometimes we wish for big things, a bigger house, more money, flash holidays or fancy cars. Sometimes we get caught up in life, working, chores, paying the bills, scrambling around just trying to make everything that needs to happen, happen.

But sometimes all we need are the simplest things that bring us joy.

And that Cleasby brought me joy ❤️

You can watch the video here.

✌🏽& ❤️

Sam xx

I had my pre op!

This week I had my pre op assessment for my upcoming surgery. Pre ops are for when you’re having a general anaesthetic, you have a hospital appointment with a nurse to check if you’re fit enough for surgery.

They check your height, weight and blood pressure, take blood and either take swabs to check for MRSA if you have your surgery date soon or send you home with a swab kit for you to do the week before surgery and they assess whether you’re fit to have a general anaesthetic.

Its also an opportunity to discuss the surgery and any concerns you might have. As I’ve mentioned before my biggest fear at the minute is that I won’t receive proper pain relief after the surgery as this has happened to me twice before in this hospital.

After a big op like the one I’m having, I tend to have an epidural in place that delivers pain relief for the first few days after surgery. When this is taken down it can be a big shock to the system and good regular pain relief is a must.

Unfortunately twice now I have been left in agony due to the ward nurses not giving me appropriate drugs on time and now I’m terrified it will happen again. So much so that I almost don’t want to have the surgery at all.

But I got time to speak to the nurse this week and share my fears. She told me that it was unacceptable that this had happened and that if it happened again, to immediately ask to see the matron who would sort it out and be majorly pissed off at nurses not doing their jobs.

As I’ve said so many times, I have huge respect for nurses and the vast majority are bloody wonderful! But there are some shockers.

In a book I read this week (healing from the inside out, Nauman Naeem) it talks about how ‘good patients’ as in those who don’t speak up, press the buzzer, complain when needed are at much higher risk of complications and that rather than being a patient we should be a respant – a responsible participant.

The nurse also has arranged for the accute pain team to see me ASAP after surgery and has made notes for the anaesthetist to let them know how nervous I am and my past experience. She said they will be able to write me up for decent pain relief before they even consider taking the epidural down.

She has reiterated just how complex this surgery is going to be, around 7 hours in theatre and a high risk of complications. They have booked me into the post operative surgery unit (POSU) for straight after where they’ll keep a closer eye on me and if I need to be transferred to the High Dependency Unit they can do that quicker and more easily.

I will need to be in hospital for at least 10 days and recovery will be 2-3 months.

They will be repairing the huge parastomal hernia, it’s a massive opening about 15cm and the incisional hernia on the other side and moving my stoma again. I have adhesions everywhere and so these may cause problems.

Its fair to say that I’m terrified.

Im trying very hard to stay positive, I have a new mantra (again from reading the book above) that I tell myself every day to fight against the feelings that everything is so tough right now and I hope that having more open and positive thoughts will aid in my healing.

“I am open and welcoming to healing, strength, love, joy and happiness”

 

✌🏽& ❤️

Sam xx

 

A day in my life

 

I thought I’d give you a glimpse into a day in my life when I’m presenting on the radio for the BBC.

If you don’t know me, I have an ileostomy because of Ulcerative Colitis and two hernias, I’m awaiting surgery to repair these and it’s going to be my 8th operation.

I’m struggling a lot with pain and fatigue and so it’s tough to be working right now but I’m plodding through and I love being on the radio so much! I talk about managing fatigue, counting spoons and weighing up whether I can take painkillers or drive a car.

You can watch a day in my life here.

You can find my usual weekly show Nowt So Strange As Folk here and the show I covered here.

Enjoy!

Sam x