Ostomy Explanations

Here’s a fab video explaining how your digestive system works and an explanation of colostomy, ileostomy and urostomy by Ostomy Lifestyle.



For more information, take a look at Ostomy Lifestyle.


Radar Key – disabled toilets

The National Key Scheme (NKS) offers disabled people independent access to locked public toilets around the country. Disability Rights UK believes that everyone who experiences ill-health, injury or disability should have the same freedom and independence as other citizens. An important part of that freedom is having the confidence to go out, knowing that public toilets will be available, accessible and will meet your needs.

You can also purchase the 2013 edition of the National Key Scheme (NKS) Guide which includes the location of the 9,000 NKS toilets fitted with the NKS lock.  This guide is the only one of it’s kind and really does open doors to independent living. As well as an app.

This information comes from NKS and you can purchase your own key for over 9000 disabled loos around the UK from them for just £4.00.  This can be a life saver if you suffer from Ulcerative Colitis or Crohns during a flare up or if you have a stoma, it enables you to have access to a toilet to empty your bag and have a sink or basin in the cubicle to be able to clean yourself.

disabled toilet key

Having to live with IBD or with a stoma can be difficult, if there is something that makes your life just a little bit easier, surely it’s worth it.  I haven’t had a key in the last ten years as I think I felt I wasn’t ‘disabled enough’ – I felt like perhaps Id be taking something away from others who needed it more.  Silly, I know.

Now I have the stoma and ileostomy I think Im going to get myself one of these.  Id rather have the key and not need it than need it and not have it!
For more information go and take a look at the Radar site.

Love Sam x

And sometimes you need to wear sequinned knickers…

Today I wore clothes for the first time in almost three weeks!

Three weeks of jamas!!!!

And to make me feel better I just had to wear the sequinned knickers…


You can see the top of my scar here now the staples are out. It’s pretty big but scars are cool, right?!

My bag is HUGE, they give you the biggest easiest ones to learn how to deal with them in the early days. I’ve seen the ones I could move onto and they look tons better, easier to disguise, easier to fit under clothes.

And sometimes you just need to wear sequinned knickers…

Love Sam xx

Self Pity Vs Staying Positive

I think in general I am a fairly positive person. I really try not to wallow in self pity and I always try and find the silver lining. Not always of course, but on the whole I really try.

I’m struggling at the moment. I want to shout and scream like a toddler. I want to bang my hands and feet on the floor and get all Chinese crying baby. I want to say ‘ITS NOT FAIR!’

self pity

I feel like I’m a fairly decent chap, I’m kind and caring and I love my friends and family. I try hard to be a good person, I think of others before myself and I try to put more niceness into the world than badness. So it’s hard when I feel like I’m getting dealt a shitty hand! If I believed in a God if be thinking that he had something against me right now!!!!

Part of me would find it so easy to sink into self pity. Part of me wants to lay in bed with my curtains closed, Alanis Morrissette on full blast, a bottle of red wine and a box of tissues… Crying, weeping, wailing. A good chunk of drama, hand to forehead, perhaps some swooning.

But you know what? Logically I know that’s not going to help ANYTHING! It won’t make me feel better. It won’t stop me being in pain. It won’t take away my stoma, it won’t heal my body from surgery. It won’t bring back my doggy.

It won’t stop me feeling sad. It won’t stop this deep grief inside. I’m grieving Elvis. But I’m also grieving my bowel – that’s an odd one!!! I’m grieving a ‘normal’ life without a bag.

So I make a choice. Every day I make a choice that however this day goes, I’m going to try to deal with it positively.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments. When I’m sad I will have a cry and a bug cuddle with Timm. We talk a LOT. About how I’m feeling, how Timm is feeling. About how I am physically, mentally and emotionally and that helps so much.

I’m not suggesting I’m a bundle of sunshine!! I think it’s really important that I talk about the negative things as well as the positive. This blog is helping me so much to be able to pour my emotions onto the page.

But I think the most important part of my recovery is going to be an emotional one. So I try. Every day I try to stay positive. To be mindful. To think of the good things in my life. To stay centred. To take ten minutes to meditate (yes really!!!!). To appreciate. To be grateful. To love. And to be loved.

Being happy is an option. No matter how shit life may seem, whatever is thrown at you. You can make the decision to try to be happy. Take control of whatever you can, no matter how small. I’ve realised control is quite important to me, I realised that when I lost it and suddenly was post op in a hospital and couldn’t move, couldn’t clean myself or do anything. But I can control how I react to it. So I try to realise that though I have had to rely on other in the last two weeks to do things that I wish I could do myself, that Blimey, aren’t I lucky to have people around me who are willing to help me!!!


I can’t control that Elvis, my awesome dog has died. So suddenly he is just gone!! I feel in shock. Timm has been to get his body from our neighbours and Ive had a few minutes with him this morning. He looks perfect, there is not a mark on him. If you don’t have pets, you may not understand just how heartbreaking it is to lose an animal. He was part of my family and we all loved him so much. I miss him. He has been by my side since I left hospital, I think he did know that I was in pain (either that or he was just enjoying the warmth and my allowing him in my bed!!) I feel like its so unfair that he is gone, and for it to happen now when Im already dealing with so much bloody sucks.

Its hard to find any positivity in the situation because there isn’t any. But I can make a choice, I can cry and say its not fair (and I have done that for a while!!) or I can cuddle my children and encourage them to talk about all the things we loved about him. About the funny way he scrunched up his nose so he looked like he was smiling. About just how greedy he was and how he’d do anything for a treat! About his soft ears, his helicopter tail and his big wide eyes. I know the kids will mirror our reactions, so its important that they see us smiling. We have all had a cry together. We have talked about how it is ok to cry, ok to be sad. But important that we think about the things we loved about him. The things that made us happy.

This weekend Timm had to work away again, he took our two eldest children and my amazing friend Caroline came to stay. We had our two youngest kids with us and she has cooked, cleaned and cared for me. She is an awesome person and just a truly beautiful friend. How lucky am I? I cant be grumpy and sink into self pity when I have people around me who are so caring and wonderful.

positive thinking

I’ve said before and ill say again. I am BLOWN AWAY by the messages, cards, gifts, flowers, texts, phone calls and visits I have had from you all. Every single one genuinely makes me feel better. With all the support and care I have had from so many people, I choose to stay positive…

Thank you for reading and for caring.

Love Sam xxx

Bad times

I’m so devastated to post this. Our darling little chihuahua, Elvis was hit by a car on Saturday tea time and was killed instantly.

I’m distraught, our poor boy is gone.

On Saturday I was recovering at home, Timm was working away for the weekend and taken the older two kids with him. Our youngest was with me and my friend Caroline came to look after us for the weekend with her youngest son. Our neighbour Tracy came to the door and spoke to Caroline who then came in and told me.

Where we live is very rural and our dogs have always just run in and out of the house as they please. The boys were playing in the garden and I let the dogs out for a wander. They would usually play in the garden or watch the kids.

Minutes later, Elvis ran up the lane. Another thing he used to do. He loved seeing our neighbour who lives at the top of the lane and would walk up to shout at the horses or play chasing the pigeons.

It’s difficult to explain as this may sound that they were running wild. Which to a point they were I suppose! But they always came straight back and I loved that they could explore!


So it seems our boy ran straight into the road into the path of a van. The lady driving the van was taking two disabled people to the supermarket. Both she and her passengers were distraught. It was an accident, she wasn’t at fault and I’m just glad that none of them came to any harm. She went to the nearest house for help and luckily that was our wonderful neighbour Tracy.

Tracy has been the most kind and considerate neighbour ever since we moved here. She is just a joy to have round. When she walks her dogs past our house twice a day she always gives the dogs a treat and if the doors aren’t open so the dogs are in and out, she posts the treats through the letterbox!! I’m so sad she had to deal with this but so grateful it was her.

I went to see him, he is in Tracy’s garage on a blanket. He hasn’t a scratch on him. He looks like he is just sleeping. I’m devastated. Tracy told me she loved him like he was one of hers which made my heart swell. My poor pup is no longer here.


When I came home from hospital on Tuesday, Elvis ran straight to me in bed, he scrunched up his nose like he was smiling which is what he’d do when he wanted to get up and then leapt in bed, snuggling into my neck. He’s spent the week right by my side, it’s like he knew I was ill and needed him near me.

He was naughty when he first came to us, he still was sometimes! But he had the BEST character, a proper cheeky little boy who made us laugh all the time. He had the softest ears and was turning into a portly young man (Timm called him the barrel)


He was just an awesome dog. I’m so so sad. If you’ve never had a pet it’s hard to explain that he was a part of my family. We’ve had him for two years and he was a Cleasby!!! He will be greatly missed and never forgotten.

We told the kids and they’re devastated. We’ve talked about what an awesome dog he was and how much we loved him.

Thom wrote a poem…

I loved Elvis when he sat down next to me

I loved Elvis when we used to play

I loved Elvis when we walked down the woods

We all loved Elvis as much as we could.









Sleep tight gorgeous pup xxxx

My Surgery – Subtotal Colectomy and End Ileostomy

After chatting with my mum, I realised that as I natter away about my surgery, that it can be quite confusing as to what I have had done, so with the help of google I thought I would do a little post about the surgery.

I had a subtotal colectomy and end ileostomy.  This is an operation to remove the colon, leaving the rectum behind. It is most usually performed for patients with inflammatory bowel diseases.  The surgeons removed my colon (also known as large intestine or large bowel) and then formed an ileostomy which is an operation to create a stoma or an opening in the ileum (last part of the small intestine), which is stitched to the skin.


subtotal colectomy ulcerative colitis




end ileostomy ulcerative colitis



So I have no colon.  My food goes from my small intestine out through a hole in my stomach (my stoma) and I wear an ileostomy bag attached to my skin at all times which collects all the poop.  I still have a bum but it isn’t attached to anything!! Which means I no longer fart or poo from my butt…

In the next 6-12 months I have a decision to make.  That decision is whether I have a further surgery that will remove the rest of my rectum and means I will have the ileostomy and wear a bag for the rest of my life.

Or whether I have an internal pouch made out of my small intestine which over the course of two operations would be reattached to my anus.  This would mean I no longer have the bag and that I would poo from my butt again.

I am currently not going to make that decision.  My goal right now is to recover from this surgery, get off all medications and get myself strong, fit and healthy.

Some people decide that the stoma and bag are just so convenient and easy for them to live with that they would rather not have more surgery and deal with all the consequences of reattaching the bowel.  For others it is entirely the right thing to do.

For me? Im not too sure right now.  I can’t even begin to think about these things and so Im not going to stress about it.  Ill make that decision in the coming months with the support of my doctors, nurses and family.

So I hope this helps a little to explain what I have had done!  For more information take a look at the NHS website or feel free to ask my any questions and Ill do my best to answer them!


Love Sam xx