Hello you lovely lot.

Firstly thank you all so much for all the wonderful messages I received after my last post (Going Dark), it means so much to know that there are so many people thinking of me.  I felt a little embarrassed after hitting send, I worried that I came across mardy and miserable.  But I felt mardy and miserable at the time, so it did the job!

I’m not really feeling much better, I am thoroughly exhausted and still having the aching joints, dry eyes and skin.  The blood tests results didn’t show any remarkable inflammation markers and the Rheumatoid Arthritis test came back negative which is great news as I was really unhappy at the thought of more steroids and a RA diagnosis might have pushed me too far!  I’m having some more tests to check my iron stores, Vit B 12 and Vit D levels as well as thyroid tests and coeliac disease tests.

Someone suggested that perhaps the exhaustion was just part and parcel of life now and the joint pain could be due to all the steroids I’ve had to take in my life.  I know fatigue can play a huge role in the life of IBD patients and this makes me sad.

Emotionally, I suppose I’m not quite right.  I feel ever so sad and quite anxious.  I don’t know how to react to these feelings, people ask me how I’m doing and my instinct is to say ‘fine’.  I smile, I laugh, I join in.  But inside I am struggling.  I don’t really know what else I can say.  I’m trying to get back to business as usual.

Anyway, I just wanted to update you all and thank you for your kindness over the past week.

Sam xxx