I am home.

Thank you to everyone who sent me messages, cards and gifts. Who called, texted, visited and helped us out as a family this last 10 days.

I’m exhausted and still in pain, not ready to write down my experience yet but just wanted to do a quick post now I’m back home after my pouch surgery.

Everything has gone well though recovery is tougher than I could ever have imagined.

Thanks so much to my amazing husband Timm. For updating the blog, looking after the family, home and business whilst visiting me, being on hand constantly to speak to me and care for me. I honestly don’t have the words to say just how much I love that man.

Will update more when I can. Till then, here are a few photos from my week in hospital.









I've had a strong word…

With myself and all is good again… Still tired but not so Mardy (Grumpy for those not from Yorkshire) A good days work (Including welding and hammering, ALWAYS good) and a decent bit of time with Sam today has done the world of good… AND Ellie our fantastic daughter made buns… they we’re awesome.



So news from the ward, Sam’s doing ok, she’s having a lot of pain in the bum and its not me or the kids for a change… (sorry). She’s  finding it a struggle to put any weight on it. Not to surprising considering what it’s been through, but the doctors have been keeping an eye on it and as her temperature has been a bit up and down they have done blood tests and a CT scan. The blood tests came back with inflammation markers so they wanted the scan. The scan showed that the pouch was in great shape and there are no leaks but there is a small collection at the top of the bowels, we’re not too sure what that means but the docs didn’t seem too worried (Although they were talking of “releasing it” tonight, no idea what that entails).

In other news she had to have something put in her hand for the scan and it’s made it swell like balloon…. Look!

Big Hand

Big Hand

Apparently it doesn’t hurt, just feels weird…

So tomorrow I’m off to find a donut pillow so Sam can sit down and I’ll be seeing her 2 times too… happy happy.

Thank you to everyone who sent supportive messages and such like, everyone of then made me feel a bit better and they definitely helped raise my spirits.



Tired and Mardy…

The kids and I went to see Sam tonight and she’s doing ok. The sickness is easing but she’s in a fair bit of pain. They have set up a good pain management plan but if she leaves it a bit too long then it’s sore for a few hours, especially her bum…

To be honest there’s not much else to say really, the surgeon has been again and is very happy, he says everything is perfect really so it’s just a case of letting nature run it’s course on the recovery side.

The good news today is that IF and it’s a big IF… If she keeps improving at the same rate then Mr Brown is happy to remove the bum tube on Friday and IF she can then poo… she can come home… YAY!!! We all can’t wait to have her home…

This brings me round to the real theme of todays post.

I miss Sam… I miss her a lot and I know she misses me just as much. Todays visit was a more about the kids than me, it was about them seeing mum and knowing she’s ok and that she misses and loves them loads.

It leaves little time for me and Sam to have anything other than how you doing? Do you need anything etc… and the fact is I miss my wife. I miss hanging out with her, I miss laughing with her, I miss her sarcasm and wit, I miss her cuddles and kisses and I know she misses all these things and more too.

It’s crap!

I know that it’s important that she’s in hospital and I know that it’s important for me to be here for the kids / business / house / etc… but I feel like I’m in suspension, a bit numb, like everything is on hold, like I’m managing just to do everything before it’s time to pass out and start all again tomorrow…

Sam’s blog started as a way of her expressing how she’s been feeling whilst she has struggled with her disease and surgery and I thought that it seemed fitting that this side of things be put across too. I’m not complaining or moaning or saying poor me… I guess I’m just expressing the helplessness and loneliness we both feel as the recovery progresses.

So it’s almost time to pass out once again ready to do it all again tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll feel less tired and mardy by then.

Luv Timm.

I feel just like this...

I feel just like this…

Hospital Update… on the mend.

3 days after surgery and Sam is already well on the mend. Woohoo.

We’ve had some ups and downs, but now things seem to settling some what.

Sam’s blood pressure and temperature have both been a bit like a yoyo but she is settling down more and more with each passing hour.

Tonight she’s had her epidural and catheter removed and has been able to go to the loo on her own…

There’s been a few “interesting” things happened whilst she’s been recovering.

Last night, just before the kids were due to visit for the 1st time, a new lady was moved into the bed next to Sam. She was obviously suffering from dementia and had little control over her voice and spent a good few hours screaming and banging things… non stop. This was obviously upsetting for Sam, especially as the kids were coming to visit, we tried to get through the visit by taking her to the day room but she just wasn’t ready for that much stress so we only had 20 mins or so before we had to take her back to bed. The Kids were happy to see mum but it was hard on them seeing her in pain etc… When we took her back to bed the lady was still screaming and Sam was struggling with all her tubes and wires. This was a bit too much for the kids and we had a lot of tears and worry all round. I did speak with the ward staff (Who are all very helpful, friendly and attentive by the way) and they reassured me that they were finding her a bed in a side room so there would be less disturbance. We left all in tears but knowing that there was going to be a resolution soon. (They lady was moved shortly after we left and Sam managed some rest too).

This morning Sam was feeling sick still so the nurses gave some anti-sickness medicine and she had a reaction to it… not a good thing as she said it made her feel that she was going mad. She was trying to explain to the nurses and couldn’t find the words and wanted to call me but couldn’t work out how to use the phone… When I arrived for the afternoon visit she looked very shook up and stressed. She did start to feel more normal quite quickly tho whilst I was there and by the time I left she seemed fine.

Everything with the op seems to be working fine, she’s stopped hiccuping (This was happening a lot and apparently is quite normal) and has started burping (Normal too) and the Kids and I were hoping for the 1st trump whilst we were there (I’m expecting a text when it happens) we were going to give her a round of applause… Sam hasn’t trumped for 8 months so it’s kind of  a big deal.

So all in all everything is going well and she’s recovering fine. She wanted me to say thank you to everyone for the well wishes and messages. The internet signal and phone signal in the hospital is awful and she’s struggling to connect but she says thank you to you all. xxxxx (If you’ve sent a message she will reply no doubt once she can get online and till then she has asked me to say sorry – I know there is no need for her to apologise but she wants you all to know she’s grateful for your kind words, well wishes and healing vibes…

Quite a few folk have also sent well wishes for me and the kids and we thank you too for that. We’re doing fine but missing mum / wife very much…

So much love to you all from us all and do keep reading and sending messages, they honestly are helping us all through it.


photo 2 photo 1

Post Op News…

Hi Everyone, Timm here.

So yesterday Sam went in to theatre at around 8 am, she was 1st on the list so no waiting around. The op lasted around 4 hours and I called at 1pm and she was in recovery and  they said she was doing ok.

I finally got to see her in the evening and she looked ok… if a little grey. She was very drowsy and feeling sick but seemed to be coping fine. It was good to see her tho and hold her hand.

Barack O’Stoma has gone… she is now stoma less and has a brand new bum.

Mr Brown (Her surgeon) said that the op went as close to perfectly as it could have gone with everything going as planned. He has created a pouch around 15CM long, re connected everything and fixed her hernia.

As it’s a 1 step procedure she can’t eat anything solid for 10 days and she has a tube up her bum to remove the waste to stop any infection and pressure…

This afternoon she was in very good spirits and we sat and chatted for a bit with her mum but this evening she had started to feel a bit sick, hot and tired.

She has asked me to let everyone know that the internet signal in hospital is rubbish so she probably won’t be posting much (Although knowing Sam she’ll find a way around that soon enough) but for now you have to put up with me and my child like writing style.

She is getting all your messages though either from me or when the internet does work and they are making her feel very loved and cared for so please do keep them coming, although she may not be able to reply.

Right I’m off to sleep.

Mucho Love


PS She wanted a pic for on here so here it is…

Post Op

Surgery Eve…

Tomorrow is the big day, pouch surgery is upon me.

I’ve been so stressed and scared for weeks but now I feel quite calm. Still frightened but the shaky, out of control fear has stilled.

I have had so many messages, texts, emails and calls that I feel truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life.

I’m drinking my pre op drinks and chilling in the bath tonight, before finishing packing my bags and then settling in with Timm.


Timm will update when he can to say I’m out of surgery and I’ll be back blogging soon!

Thank you for all your amazing support, I feel stronger with every kind message I get.

Thanks the most to my awesome husband Timm, he is my rock and makes everything better.

Tons of love

Sam xx


Say 'I love you' every day

Im an emotional person and Im vocal with my love for the people around me, every night I say to the kids ‘Night night, I love you‘, it is just automatic and part of our routine.  But do we tell the people around us that we love, appreciate and care about them enough? Is it enough to just think ‘they KNOW I care about them’?

Recently I went and stayed with my aunty and uncle in Spain, it was a last minute trip and it was wonderful to get away from the stresses of life here, to sit in the sun and have a week with wonderful family and friends and just not think about surgery, illness or hospitals.  I was welcomed so warmly and they really looked after me, I am so grateful.

i love you

One thing struck me whilst I was there, my aunty told me every day, multiple times that she loved me.  She showered me in compliments and was so openly loving and caring.  She held my hands as we talked, hugged me, called me pet names and told me how much she cared about me.  I watched her do the same to her two adult sons, telling them how much she loved and adored them.  They rolled their eyes but you could see a small smile on their faces.  Because hearing that you are loved makes you feel amazing.

I had never thought about it before, I tell Timm and the kids I love them, but I don’t compliment them or gush with love as much as I could.  It is damn near impossible to be in a bad mood or feel sorry for yourself when you are being told how brilliant you are.  It is probably an ego thing, but it really went much deeper than that.

I felt warm and happy, my soul felt nurtured and my heart full.  It made me want to share that love and happiness, it made me feel open and accepting, contented and peaceful.

Since I have been home I make a point of complimenting the people around me and telling them I love them, especially the kids.  At first it felt slightly uncomfortable, they eyed me suspiciously when out of nowhere I told them how proud I was of them, that they were so talented, kind, beautiful and awesome, that I loved them so, so much.  This made me sad and made me want to tell them these things more often.  It isn’t enough to say ‘they know I love them’ and I certainly don’t want them growing up thinking “My mum rarely told me she loved me” I want them to be rolling their eyes and saying “Enough mum!!!” whilst secretly loving the fact they grew up KNOWING that I adore them.

love heart hands

It goes further though, I make sure I tell the people around me that I love them, even if it is in a card, or a telephone sign off.  When I believe my friends are courageous and wonderful I tell them, yes I sometimes worry Ill sound corny but Id rather feel like a cheese ball and them know I adore them than silently think it and them not know.

Think about it now, when was the last time you complimented your partner? A real heartfelt, honest, love filled phrase.  I saw my sister in law say on Facebook that she didn’t care if it were corny, but that she adored her husband and he was the best man in the world.  He replied with an equally loving statement and it was lovely.  They are two people who are so open with their adoration for each other that you can’t help but feel a bit smiley and coy when you are around them.  Its really beautiful!

Since being more open with my compliments and saying ‘I love you’ every day I can honestly say that I feel better, Im happier and I find that the more love you put out there, the more you get back.

My kids have stopped assuming that I am going to ask them to mow the lawn and have started telling me that they love me back.  Even the 13 year old lad and that is saying something!  We hug more, we laugh more and we love more.  All from those three little words…

Sam xxx



My stress levels are currently sky fucking high. My mind is whirring and buzzing, I can’t concentrate, my head just hops from one thing to another to another.

I’m due in for surgery on Wednesday and emotionally and mentally I’m all over the place.


I feel so fucking grumpy, and sad, frustrated, angry and out of control. Basically think of all the bad emotions and that’s where I’m at.

Logically I am ready for the surgery, I have no doubts and I know it’s the right thing for me. I have a fab, supportive husband, family and friends. I have managed to catch up with a lot of lovely friends in the past week so I should be feeling happy.

In reality the stress is just getting to me. I *think* it’s probably normal to feel stressed out and emotional before major surgery. But I just feel so shitty.

I’m exhausted, I could sleep 24 hours a day, I’m mardy and a little bad tempered.  But then at times I sit awake for hours during the night with my head going into overdrive.


Stress is an odd thing and affects everyone differently. I think I’m usually upbeat and good at dealing with it. But right now it’s affecting me physically, I have a headache EVERY day and I’m absolutely drained of energy. Mentally I’m very anxious, I keep thinking that I won’t wake up from this surgery, but more than that I’m worrying about everything else, for example I keep thinking that we’ll have a car crash or a house fire. I find myself panicking when I watch the news thinking it will happen to us.

I have a lot going on right now and so Im trying not to stress about being stressed! I think it is a normal reaction to a scary situation, so I am accepting my mentalness right now and just getting through the next couple of days till the surgery is done and dusted.


Love Sam xxx