Back to work!

At six weeks post surgery I made the decision that I wanted to start working again. Luckily I work from home, I run a photography company with my husband Timm called The Picture Foundry Timm has been carrying the weight of the business for the last couple of months and so I wanted to try to get back into the office.

It was great as there was no pressure from Timm, I knew I could do just as much as I felt comfortable with and could go back to bed whenever I needed to.



It feels good to be back in the office, laying in bed all day may sound heavenly but when it is not through choice it isn’t much fun.  Its lonely and doesn’t help self esteem.  I needed these six weeks as before now I just haven’t been able to think about anything other than pain, tiredness and poo.  I have been on heavy painkillers that make my mind fuzzy and running to the toilet frequently.

But now things are starting to improve massively and so I want to be back in the chair. I want to be working and I want Timm to have a tiny bit of pressure taken off him.

It is so easy to get into a habit of not moving about and by the end of my first day in the office I was in quite a bit of pain just from being sat up rather than laid down.  The muscles in my stomach, back and legs have already forgotten how to just be upright for most of the day!! I am sat on my frankly hilarious donut cushion which really helps in the butt department.

I know I am so lucky, I have worked for other people before and it hasn’t worked out due to my illness and toilet issues, I honestly couldn’t imagine having to go back to a full time external job right now, but as a self employed person I have the benefits of being at home and having the full support of my husband in our day to day work.

I am taking it easy and Im not taking on too much, I will be sensible and Timm wouldn’t let me do anything he thought would hinder my recovery.  It feels good though.  I feel like I have a worth and Im not just a patient…

Love Sam xx

On the mend and my first day out

It’s been six weeks post pouch surgery and since I started on the loperamide last Monday, things have improved massively.  Last week I was going to the toilet around 20 times a day and having 2-4 accidents a day which was heart breakingly depressing.  Dr Brown said I needed to figure out how much or how little of the meds to take to slow down how often I need to empty my pouch, I started high at 4 tablets which was too much, I ended up with a lot of bloating and terrible stomach pains.

I have brought it down to 1-2 tablets and this seems to be working well for me, I am now going about 5 times a day and accidents are a lot rarer! I have found that most days I am ok in the mornings as my stomach is empty but it gets worse in the evenings and so I’m taking the loperamide at tea time.

It is embarrassing to talk about this, I cringe at the thought of people knowing how it has been but this blog is about honesty and I am going to document the bad times so I can appreciate it when the good times come.  There is also a lot of bad press about j pouches, I have seen in many forums people saying they wouldn’t ever have pouch surgery as it’s too much like going back to illness with the recovery.

I still have some discomfort but I am down to just occasional pain relief rather than every 4-6 hours as I have been.

On Sunday I had my first day out. It was tough mentally, I had a little cry as I tried on forty outfits to find something I was comfortable. I’ve lost quite a bit if weight and everything just looked ODD. I’d developed a good wardrobe that worked well with my ileostomy bag but now I’ve lost my way a little. Wearing pyjamas for six weeks does that to a person!


We had a family day out at Cliffhanger, a family activity festival in Sheffield and then on to L’eroica in Bakewell, an Italian bicycle event with music, food, drinks and general loveliness.



It felt weird being out in public and I felt quite self conscious and a bit fearful. I was very glad to have Timm’s hand to hold, which is an odd feeling for someone like me who is usually confident and independent. But it was really lovely. A tiny bit of normality in a family day out and it lifted my spirits hugely.

Even having to use outdoor portaloos was ok. I felt the urge to go and panic washed over me a bit, but is told Timm and he just took my bags and said “go! We’ll find you!” So I set off on walking, fast enough that I wouldn’t shit myself yet nonchalant enough that I didn’t look like I was about to! It was all fine though and it felt like a little victory for me.


It was a big step for me to be out for the day. I felt quite emotional, it just felt so good to feel like a real family after weeks of me being a patient whilst Timm cared for me and the kids. It reminded me why I have gone through the last year, that I wanted to get to a point in my life where it wasn’t all just about illness.

I still have a long way to go,but this first day out felt like a really great first step on that ladder.


Love Sam xx

Turia Pitt on Womens Weekly Australia cover – Inspirational!

I saw this story this morning and was struck by the idea of having inspirational real women on magazine covers rather than air brushed celebrities.  Australian Women’s Weekly have Turia Pitt, a burns survivor who was injured in bush fires on the cover and it makes for a striking and beautiful image.

turia pitt burns survivor womens weekly australiaPhoto via Womens Weekly Aus

Editor in Chief Helen McCabe said

“For eighty years the Women’s Weekly has been celebrating inspirational Australian women, when Turia was photographed as part of our Women of the Future judging panel among a group of similarly impressive Australian women, it was clear from the moment she sat in front of the camera that the July cover had to belong to her.”

“Any attempt to describe the magic and beauty of Turia seems to get lost in platitudes or clichés. Yet I have never met a more remarkable person.”

Seeing images like this accompanying an inspirational and positive story just make my heart soar.  This isn’t about feeling sorry for her, its not a poor me story.  I LOVE her headline of “Im the luckiest woman in the world” – this woman is my hero! She isn’t complaining, there is no martyrdom.

Turia was caught in a bushfire whilst running a marathon in Western Australia, suffering burns to 64 per cent of her body.  Doctors gave her a slim chance of recovery yet she defied that expectation and recovered amazingly. 

She said “For me, it sends the message that confidence equals beauty. There are a lot of women out there who are so beautiful but don’t have the confidence, and that’s what gets you over the line.”

I believe that 100% – Confidence equals beauty

Well done Womens Weekly – this cover is just a start and hopefully other magazines will follow suit.  Women aren’t stupid, we aren’t just drawn in by seeing yet another picture of a perfect celebrity.  I for one would be much more likely to buy a magazine whose cover was showing true beauty and inspiration rather than a celeb who I have seen a million times before!

I would love to see a women with a stoma or scars being portrayed in magazines more, the more we see images of people who have physical scars the less taboo it becomes.  For many women who have an ostomy bag or large scars thy can feel that these things take away their femininity and sexuality, thats the reason I decided to do my photoshoots with my ileostomy bag. I wanted to put out there some positive images that show my bag and scars as just a small part of me, that they do not make me less of a woman.

I think the media could be a great tool for promoting positive images of women who have faced illness, surgery or modifications and I hope that this Women’s Weekly cover is just the start of something brilliant.

For more information on Turia’s story, see the Women’s Weekly website

To the imperfect mothers…

I was 19 when I had my first child and I felt the weight of the eyes of society watching me and waiting for me to fail, the pressure of being a teenage mother statistic sat in my chest like a bowling ball.  I was throwing my life away, they said.  I was foolish, immature and had no idea what I was getting into, these were the whispers that surrounded my trimesters.  The sly glances from the ‘proper’ mums in Mothercare as my bulging stomach stretched out my Oasis tshirt and over the jeans I had borrowed from my boyfriend.  Maybe some of it was in my head, perhaps I imagined the looks, the judgement, the eye rolling.

teenage pregnant mum at festival

It made me want to be a perfect mum, I would make no mistakes, I would dedicate every waking hour to being the best mum in the world.  No one would be able to judge me because I would give them no reason to, I’d change the perception of young mothers and Id show them all.

Only all that pressure, on top of the sleepless nights, the crying, the breastfeeding, the nappies, the sheer tiredness, it got too much.  I was paying so much attention to being perfect that I was forgetting to enjoy it.  The stress of appearing to have all my shit together meant I became a swan.  Gliding serenely on the surface, but peddling like fuck under the water.

The doctor saw through it.  After he dutifully gave me a prescription for the reason for my trip to the GP, he said gently, almost sadly “and how are you doing?” I burst into tears and said that I wasn’t a good enough mum, that maybe my baby would be better off with someone who knew what they were doing, that I loved him more than anything but what if that wasn’t enough?

He told me his wife had just had twins.  He said she feels the same sometimes.  He said HE felt the same sometimes.  He told me that being a parent was so hard, but all you can do is get through every day, that what a baby needs is food, warmth and so much love.  That it was ok to feel overwhelmed, it was matter of course.  I wasn’t feeling this because I was a young mum.  I was feeling it because I was a mum.  Full Stop.

teen mum red hair struggle

That conversation sparked a change, I became more honest and spoke to those around me about how I felt.  I opened up to the mums at the baby groups and found the woman who terrified me the most, a doctor who had a little girl the same age as my son, who was so together and wore the right mum clothes, drove a nice car and had a husband and posh house was as terrified as me.  She held my hand and burst into tears and said “But it’s all so HARD!”

Becoming a mum is scary. At any age, it is such a huge change that you can’t be prepared for it.  You love your baby and though the physical aspects are tough, the feeding, lack of sleep, you don’t count on the emotional aspects being so hard.  The sudden realisation that you are entirely responsible for this tiny person, the pressure of trying to conform to societies notions of the ideal mother.  You are surrounded by other peoples opinions constantly.  This rehashed argument of working mums versus stay at home mums… There should be no argument, we are all just trying to do our best.

It’s this whole new world and it is filled with ‘experts’ who seem to know it all.  They all seem to have studied for this test and you are still flipping through the text book and needing a dictionary to just know what the words mean.  Its a world of those who know and those who don’t, your new mum friends know it all, your old childless friends don’t care!  You are stuck in the middle feeling overwhelmed.

I suppose the purpose of this post is that it is easy to lose your way in the quagmire of emotions and opinions, my assumption that I needed to be a perfect mother was so flawed, you see, no one is a perfect mother.  We all just try and get through the tough days and relish in the good days.  In my quest for perfection I forgot about enjoyment.  I worried so much about following the ‘rules’ that I misplaced the notion of enjoying my baby.

That baby is 13 now.  I tell you, those baby days pass so quickly, I look at my 5′ 9″ son now becoming a young man and smile as I remember his tiny soft hands and that new smell of his  newborn head.  When he winds his hair around his finger when he is tired I see how he has done that for all of his life.  I rejoice that I didn’t waste too much time worrying what others thought and revel in the knowledge that we were happy.

teen mum difficult imperfect so bad ass sam cleasby

My house was messy but we played.  Dinner wasn’t organic but it was fun.  He didn’t have matching socks but we didn’t care in the park.  My attire was 90s indie tshirts and things from charity shops but there is no dress code in my garden.

I love to think of all the fun we had, that dirty faced little boy and I.  I got tons of old wallpaper and we painted it with poster paint and our bodies. The hours spent with the wooden train track that he insisted I left for weeks and had to step over it to get in the kitchen.  Bath time together where there were more toys than water in the tub.  His giggles when he was on a swing.  His made up words (agosha meant I love you).  Building dens.  Quiet bed times as he lay in my arms and we fell asleep together.  Watching him learn new things.  His imagination.  Fun.

teen mum difficult imperfect so bad ass sam cleasby

Forget perfect.  Forget public perception.  Think fun.  Laughter.  Excitement.  Silliness.  Wonder.  Love.  Love. And more love.

Mums, you are enough.  You may not be perfect by the unobtainable standards of some, but you are perfect for your child.

Enjoy it because in the blink of an eye they grow up and that time is gone forever.


baby hendersons hendos sheffield




Love Sam xx

5 ways to keep a relationship strong through chronic illness

All relationships have ups and downs, it can be hard work to keep a strong relationship when times are tough.  I thought I would write about how chronic illness can affect a relationship and ways to get through the shitty times to stay strong together.

I met my husband Timm 15 years ago in a nightclub in Sheffield called The Leadmill , (Im sure EVERYONE in Sheffield met one partner or another there…) we married 10 years ago shortly after I had been diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis so it is a disease we have learnt about together through the years.  Last year I had a subtotal colectomy and lived with an ileostomy for nine months, then just weeks ago I had pouch surgery to reverse my ileostomy and create a new bowel pouch.

subtotal colectomy end ileostomy surgery ibd ulcerative colitis sheffield sam cleasby

During my ten years of illness I have faced extreme fatigue, bleeding, aching joints, diarrhoea 30 times a day, incontinence, so many different types of medicines and treatments, endless doctor and hospital visits and stays, two surgeries, a compromised immune system that means I pick up every bug going and more days than I can recall that I just couldn’t get out of bed.  During this article I am talking about Ulcerative Colitis but the same goes for anyone living with chronic illness.

1. Be honest with one another

Being chronically ill sucks, it makes you feel alone, and filled with anger, sadness, guilt and hurt.  It is so important to be able to share how you are feeling with your partner and for them to share with you.  It is hard to share those feelings with someone, and even harder to hear them from someone you love, but you need to make time to share honestly and openly.

Without honesty it is easy to start to assume how the other person is feeling.  Right now I am recovering from surgery and I am so exhausted that I spend a lot of time in bed.  I lay here thinking “I bet Timm is feeling pissed off that Im just laid here.  I wonder if he is angry with me? Maybe he thinks I am lazy.” These thoughts tumble round my head and can make me feel shit.  I don’t allow them to though and I spoke to him, explaining my worries.  His answer was that he is a little quiet at the moment because he feels under pressure to be working, looking after the children and caring for me and he was worried he was failing at it all.

Open, honest communication really is the key to any strong relationship.  It may not be easy, but it is vital.

honesty ibd ulcerative colitis crohns

2. Grieve together.

After my surgery I felt a deep, heavy loss.  I mourned the loss of the body I had, the life I had.  My husband mourned the loss of the wife he knew before illness.  We had to face this together so that we could support one another and learn to accept the new body and new life we had.

To move forward together you need to face your joint fears, get through the sadness and feelings of loss together so you can learn a new way to cope.  Your life after diagnosis may be completely different to your life before but it doesn’t mean it has to be worse.

ibd so bad ass sam cleasby sheffield colitis

3. Step into each others shoes.

Life may suck hard for you if you are chronically ill and facing a life that you never planned for, but you need to take a step back and think of things from your partners point of view.  Think about how difficult it is to see the person you love in pain, how it feels to have to take on the lions share of work or household responsibilities, how it could feel lonely or frightening, how you may feel you have to be the strong one all the time.

On the other side partners of those who are ill need to try and look through the eyes of someone who is chronically ill.  Imagine having constant pain and stress, of having continence issues and the whole host of shame and guilt that comes with that, think how it feels to be ill but feel guilty for it, to feel helpless and useless, frightened of both the illness and the affect it has on the people around you.

If you can both do this, then it is an amazing starting point for discussions about love, support and care.

step into my shoes

4.  Stay intimate

Chronic illness means different levels of illness at different times, it is easy to push away your partner, especially when the issue is IBD as having problems with diarrhoea and bleeding don’t really put you in the mood for sex!  But its really important to make sure your relationship with your partner retains some level of intimacy.  A relationship without intimacy is a friendship, which may be fine for some couples but if that isn’t what you want then you need to address the issue.  Its not just about sex, it is about being close, hugging, kissing and showing each other love and care.

Talk openly about what you want and when.  Sometimes I feel that my illness takes away my sexuality, when Im very ill I just don’t feel sexy, I don’t feel desirable or have any interest in sex.  But thats ok when I tell my partner that, when I explain why Im feeling the way I do it is easy for him to understand and respect.  Without talking it is easy for him to feel pushed away and uncared for.

Equally you need to accept that your partner may have fears or issues with being close to you, they may worry about hurting you or making you feel uncomfortable.

The answer is always to talk, talk, talk.

sam and timm cleasby

5. Enjoy the things you have

Ok, things are different, this may not be the life you planned but it is the hand you were dealt so learn how you can make the most of it.  If you are with the person you love then you are lucky, make it work for the two of you! When you are ill then plans of nights out and country walks may be out of the question, but you can replace them with movie nights in or hanging out in the garden.

Show each other that you love one another, there needs to be no grand gestures, this isn’t about diamond rings, it is about saying ‘I love you’, ‘I appreciate you’ ‘You make my life better just by being in it’

enjoy the little things relationships and chronic illness


My husband and I have faced the toughest year of our lives, two surgeries, multiple hospital stays, meds, recovery and a lot of tears.  It could have torn us apart, we have been under so much pressure, emotional, financial and physical but it actually has brought us closer together.  We have never been closer in the whole 15 years of our relationship and that has come through us both taking on board these five rules, talking, loving and appreciating one another.


Love Sam xxx


ibd and junk food get your belly out

The truth





Here is the response from Crohns and Colitis UK


“Junk Food and Crohn’s disease” – Our response:

Crohn’s and Colitis UK welcomes the discussion that today’s BBC coverage has created as it generates greater awareness of these often invisible inflammatory bowel diseases (IBD).

However, the reference to Junk Food being a possible cause of Crohn’s disease is a controversial subject and potentially unhelpful as many patients eating healthy diets have strongly disagreed with the junk food comment.

At this point there has been no definitive scientific link made to any particular diets or food additives as being a sole cause of the disease. There are many possible reasons why a patient may develop Crohn’s or Ulcerative colitis, including genetic and various environmental factors, and each patient’s case is individual.

The reason for the increased numbers of hospital admissions over the last ten years may reflect the increasing numbers of patients, often young people, being diagnosed with IBD. An estimated 10,000 young people are diagnosed with both Crohn’s and Ulcerative Colitis every year.

The increased admissions figure may also reflect the fact that hospitals are improving their data information capture systems. We need more studies and information to offer a more definitive answer.


IBD and junk food – a big rant!

I had another post planned today but I am so incensed by the news report I have head today that I had to write this.  The report said that IBD is caused by junk food and is on BBC’s newsbeat, you can read it here.

“Dr Sally Mitton says she and her colleagues at St George’s Hospital in Tooting, south-west London, have seen a rise in the number of young people with Crohn’s.  “We know that there are many genes that predispose someone to get Crohn’s disease.  But we also know that lifestyle factors like eating a lot of junk food or taking many courses of antibiotics may make it more likely to happen.”


junk food and ibd

This quote has led to news reports leading with ‘news’ that junk food causes Inflammatory Bowel Disease.

I am seething, the NHS say:

The exact cause of ulcerative colitis is unknown, although it is thought to be the result of a problem with the immune system.

Autoimmune condition

The immune system is the body’s defence against infection. Many experts believe that ulcerative colitis is an autoimmune condition (when the immune system mistakenly attacks healthy tissue).

The immune system normally fights off infections by releasing white blood cells into the blood to destroy the cause of the infection. This results in inflammation (swelling and redness) of body tissue in the infected area.

In ulcerative colitis, a leading theory is that the immune system mistakes “friendly bacteria” in the colon – which aid digestion – as a harmful infection, leading to the colon and rectum becoming inflamed.

Alternatively, some researchers believe a viral or bacterial infection triggers the immune system, but for some reason it doesn’t “turn off” once the infection has passed and continues to cause inflammation.

It has also been suggested that no infection is involved, and the immune system may just malfunction by itself.


It also seems inherited genes are a factor in the development of ulcerative colitis. Studies have found that more than one in four people with ulcerative colitis has a family history of the condition.

Levels of ulcerative colitis are also a lot higher in certain ethnic groups, further suggesting that genetics are a factor.

Researchers have identified several genes that seem to make people more likely to develop ulcerative colitis, and it is believed that many of these genes play a role in the immune system.

stoma ileostomy bag woman junk food ulcerative colitis crowns ibd

Environmental factors

Where and how you live also seems to affect your chances of developing ulcerative colitis, suggesting that environmental factors are important.

For example, the condition is more common in urban areas of northern parts of Western Europe and America.

Various environmental factors that may be linked to ulcerative colitis have been studied, including air pollution and certain diets, but no factors have so far been identified.


I have had Ulcerative Colitis for ten years and so this blog revolves around my experiences, I know a lot more about Ulcerative Colitis than I do Crohns Disease but the plight of anyone with IBD is so important.  Apologies to any Crohnies who feel I am biased towards UC, I just don’t know as much and have no personal experience of Crohns.  I hope you read this knowing that I support Crohns and Colitis awareness and only talk about UC more as it is what I know.

Leading a report by putting the blame on patients is unfair, damaging and really upsetting to the hundreds of thousands of people with IBD in the UK.  Diet “may” be linked to IBD in some way, but as the NHS website says so could air pollution! Yet we don’t see reports blaming the environment.

Putting the blame on the patient leads to a public shaming of patients, it is bad enough to have to deal with a disease that causes pain, bleeding, diarrhoea, fatigue.  Having to take multiple drugs that each have their own set of side effects, facing many surgeries and possible death! But to then make the patient feel that it is their fault is heart breaking.

The report also says “there is no cure but many patients learn to manage the symptoms, often by altering their diet.” – I would argue this point too.  Patients HAVE to learn to manage their LIFELONG INCURABLE disease through medication.  A flare up CANNOT be controlled by diet alone.  During a flare I have always been advised to eat a low fibre/low residue diet.  A low residue diet involves avoiding roughage (insoluble fibre) that your body struggles to break down. Roughage is found in skins, pips, seeds, whole grain cereals, nuts and raw fruit and vegetables.

stoma ileostomy bag woman junk food ulcerative colitis crowns ibd

This makes it very difficult to have a normal healthy diet as you have to avoid a lot of fruit and veg and are encouraged to eat only white bread/pasta/rice.

Perhaps the rise in the number of patients could be to do with patients with IBD being a lot more open about the illness, blogs like mine and many other fantastic IBD blogs are demystifying the disease and perhaps this is making it less taboo so people having symptoms are more likely to go to the doctor?

There are many unknowns about IBD and I welcome any debate and discussion but blaming the victim by putting this onto junk food is unhelpful and damaging to all the people who are currently working so hard to raise awareness and provide support.


Love Sam x


*UPDATE* I got this response from @BBCnewsbeat on twitter…

newsbeat twitter junk food ibd

newsbeat twitter junk food ibd

newsbeat twitter junk food ibd

newsbeat twitter junk food ibd







Hospital check up

I had my four week check at the hospital yesterday with my awesome surgeon Mr Brown. Everything is looking good!

At some point I need to learn when it’s not ok to make inappropriate comments though. He needed to *ahem* examine me and so a nurse was present. She was asking me to assume the usual lay on you left side, knees up position when I said “yep I’ve been here before!”
“Oh” she replied sympathetically “have you had problems and had to come in after surgery?”
“Nah I’ve just had years of this so I’m used to literally being in this position”

Anyway, Mr Brown was happy that everything seemed ok with my pouch. But when we discussed my bowel habits (actually is it still correct to say bowel habits? You know what with me missing my large bowel…) he wasn’t happy with the amount of times I’m going.

It’s currently around 15 times a day, it’s very sudden and urgent and I’m having continence issues. I’m having to wear pads to deal with that and it makes me feel like absolute shit (excuse the pun) My confidence is very low and I feel embarrassed and really fucking sad about it.

Anyhoooo Mr Brown asked how much loperamide I was taking, the answer is I’m not because no one told me I should be or prescribed anything. He wasn’t happy about that and said I should have been taking it. So he prescribed that and was hopeful that it would solve a lot of the issues I’m having, which would be AMAZING!

He then asked if I knew someone who runs a certain shop in Sheffield, I said I didn’t think so but that I did run this blog so perhaps they had read something here. He said they had told him that and so he’d better do a good job incase I wrote anything mean about him. I assured him I had only put lovely things about him!

It was a bit weird to know people are talking about this place and that it’s got back to my surgeon!! But it’s all good and I can hand on heart say, without any persuasion from him, that Mr Brown has been fantastic from the beginning. He always comes across really caring and like you are important, I’ve never felt like just a name on a sheet and his care has been amazing.

Going from 8 years at Rotherham hospital to asking to be moved to Sheffield my care had improved so much. Both the Hallamshire and Northern General (with the exception of bitch nurse from last year!) have been awesome and I can’t thank them enough.

You know you have a good doctor when both nurses and other patients have nothing but good words to say about them. When I speak to other IBD patients in Sheffield, everyone gushes about him and one nurse in hospital said “Ohhh he’s like a fine wine, he’s just getting better with age!”

So Mr Brown, if you happen across my little blog (because let’s face it, most people would DEFINITELY google themselves if they heard they’d been blogged about!!) you are doing an awesome job and I thank you from the bottom (fnarrr!) of my heart for your care over the last year.

I have to say loperamide isn’t the instant cure I was (stupidly) hoping for, it made me feel quite queasy last night and there was no impact on the amount of times I’m going to the loo. But obviously it’s something that’s going to take time to get in my system.

I had a pint of Orange juice yesterday as I was craving for it but it was not good. At least I’m assuming it was the juice! It passed thru my system in about an hour and left me on the loo about 10 times in an hour. OJ is now on my pouch kill list…

But I have to keep reminding myself that it’s early days. I’ll keep plodding on and I’m sure things will get better soon.

Love Sam x

Tales of the embarrassed…

This is for Corinne from the ever awesome Motherhood Journeys who told the twitterland about her having to stick a cardi on as her shopping arrived and she was in her jamas with no bra… (Sorry Corinne but if I’m sharing then so are you!)

Anyway I thought I’d make her feel better by sharing this story. Anyone who knows me is aware I have a million embarrassing tales as in general I am a bit of a fuckwit…

So shortly after the birth of my third child, with my husband working away and my other kids being 2 and 4, we all came down with a tummy bug. I abandoned our usual cloth nappies as there was just So. Much. Shit.

So with two kids in nappies I just tried to muddle through the days. One morning I had changed both kids and lay exhausted on the sofa breast feeding the baby when I heard the bin van.

“Oh shit!” I thought, I haven’t put the bin out!!! So I laid the baby on the mat and went to dash out to drag the bin to the roadside. I was still in my nighty but I didn’t care, the bin was full of nappies and had to go.

As I went to run I stood in a shit filled nappy I had put beside the sofa after I’d changed the kids and then quickly fed Thom as he was screaming. I skidded across the floor, shit shooting UP my leg and ran outside like a maniac.

The bin men looked up in shock at a mad woman running towards them dragging a wheelie bin with shit up her leg!

“Don’t judge me!” I shouted. “The kids are ill!! There’s shit everywhere!!!!”

It was at that point I realised my left breast was hanging outside my nighty swinging in the breeze for all the world to see.

I slowly popped it back in and with my head held high walked back to the house like it was the most normal thing in the world…

Worst. Day. Ever.

Ok, now I’ve laid my soul bare, please share your worst embarrassing story so I don’t feel like a total moron alone.