I just wanted to say a quick ‘I’m sorry’ for not blogging much at the minute. This surgery has hit me so much harder than last time and I just have no inspiration to write.
It’s an odd feeling for me as usually writing is my escape and feels so cathartic but right now I’m struggling to put pen to paper and I’m not sure why.
I think I’m filled with chaotic emotions at the minute and I’m struggling to share that with anyone. Everyone around me is being so kind, supportive and loving but a part of me still feels numb to it. I can’t really explain my feelings. I don’t understand them so it’s nigh impossible to get them out on paper in any way that makes sense.
I’m definitely starting to feel more human, the painkillers are working well and so at least I’m pain free, I’m still in the phase where I have to go to the loo every 3 hours, including through the night so I’m quite tired. But everything seems to have gone well, my pouch is functioning properly and my wounds are healing really well.
Physically I’m doing good but emotionally I’m a bit all over the place. I’m finding it really tough to communicate this with anyone though as I really don’t understand it myself. It’s easier to smile and say everything’s ok than to be a stuttering idiot who can’t explain how I’m feeling.
I’m just having to remind myself that I’m only three weeks out of major life changing surgery and so I’m bound to be a little mixed up.
I’ll get there. I know I will. I just need to take one day at a time.