Are bloggers self important egotists?

This was originally a post on my old blog, I found it recently and thought it deserved another share, let me know what you think…Sam x

So bloggers, how big is your ego??

I recently went on a large local forum to advertise the Sheffield Bloggers Meet Up (an event I played with for a few months), just a small post saying that I was setting this group up and asking if anyone was interested…

The first reply made me raise my eyebrows, a poster said;

“The only problem with bloggers is that they only care about their own opinion, thats why they  think it’s important enough to blog.  So I doubt there are going to be many who wanna sit around with a coffee listening to other people’s opinions, when they only care about their own.”  

I ignored the post and a couple of weeks later posted a small update saying that the first meeting had gone well and the date of the next meet.

The moderator of the group then post a fairly offensive remark saying

“Yes; many bloggers do need advice, esp. from suitably-qualified mental health specialists.”  

Followed by another post by a different user who said

“Bloggers are just the 21st century equivalent of the pub bore ranting on and on about their personal opinion, not realised that no-one cares what they think. If I ran the internet I’d shut down all bloggers sites as they serve no useful purpose other than to remind us how many self-important egotists there are in this world!”

Blimey! I was genuinely shocked at the comments, I know blogging isn’t for everyone but I couldn’t understand the vitriol.

I pointed out that the poster who said bloggers were pub bores and egotists had over 1000 posts on the forum and questioned what the difference was between that and a pub bore.  He retorted that a forum was a discussion and a blog was a lecture.

When I said that I didn’t force anyone to read my blog and that it was a choice to read my opinion the same way it is a choice to read a newspaper, the lovely poster took the time to apparently read my blog and said;

“As you helpfully provided a link I’ve just had a brief look at your blog and it’s exactly the sort of egotistical self-importance I mean. I know it sounds harsh but all your blog says to me is “look at me, look at me, aren’t I interesting?” There’s nothing wrong with showing your holiday snaps or favourite recipes to friends but you have to be a bit of an egotist if you think complete strangers might be interested!”

So are bloggers all self important egotists?  I love writing and I blog about things that interest me, my life  and things that make me laugh.  I would blog if no one was reading it but as it happens, people seem to like to read my mutterings.  I suppose I do think I have something to say, something to share and maybe you could say you have to be a little egotistical to put yourself out there and think that others will find your blog interesting.

But you could say the same about every writer, author, journalist, mp, actor… Anyone in the public eye really.

I spoke to Violet Fenn from Sex, Death, Rock n Roll who said

If you think blogs are tedious and egotistical, then you are probably reading the wrong blogs.”   

The internet is a big place, and there is room for everyone.  If you don’t like blogs, don’t read them.  It’s really simple!

I think blogging is a really social thing, to me it is like an interactive magazine.  I write an article about something I find interesting and others can respond.  I used to buy a lot of magazines and would never write in about an article that I enjoyed, hated or felt strongly about as it just seemed like such a faff.  Now I buy a lot less magazines but I read a hell of a lot of blogs and at a click of a button I can comment, question or let the author know I loved or hated their work.

People blog for all manner of reasons, some for fun, some to keep up with family and friends around the world, some for business and marketing, some use it as a form of therapy and some to share their interest.  The point is that each one is doing something, they are writing, creating and sharing.  They are making connections both locally and internationally.

Isn’t that the amazing thing about the internet??  Today I have had people from 16 different countries around the world reading my blog, I have had tweets, emails and comments from them.  I have made connections with people I would never have had any contact with were it not for my blog.  I love that, I think its exciting.

So if that makes me an egotist, I suppose I’ll take that label.

I’d love to hear your thoughts (as this is a discussion, not a lecture!) so please let me know what you think.

 

Love Sam x

When the dark cloud hits…

I don’t suffer with depression.  People I know who do, have educated me about the soul crushing symptoms of true depression and so I don’t want you to be under any impression that what I’m talking about here is the same as that.  But sometimes, without warning, I get this dark cloud that floats along and then sits heavily on my shoulders.  It is like a deep sadness and it is hard to shake.

My blog is about positivity and finding the silver lining in all situations, and I do genuinely believe in that.  I practice what I preach, I try to deal with the hand dealt to me in the best way I can.  But sometimes that makes it difficult for me to admit when this cloud approaches.

Things aren’t bad at the moment in my life,  I was on the radio and had a brilliant interview about Ulcerative Colitis and ostomies.  I had some fantastic feedback from this and have been invited back to be on Radio Sheffield again soon.  I went to London at the weekend to do a talk at the Sunday Assembly about IBD and body image.  I have a few more events coming up and I’m off to the gorgeous Clumber Park Spa this week to review it, a day of relaxation is just what I need right now!

So why is it that I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat? Why do I feel so sad and low?

I think most people have the odd ‘off day’ and I am sure that is all this is.  I have had a really hard year and have had to overcome a lot and so I accept that I will have times when it is all a little overwhelming.  I think it is really important to learn to accept this, to be ok with having moments where I want to build a duvet fort and hide from the world.

I am very good at painting a smile on, this is both a good thing and also a curse.  Despite how easy I find it to share my feelings through writing words, I sometimes struggle to speak those words to the people closest to me.  I find it easier to make a joke and act the fool.

But sometimes the weight of that painted smile becomes a heavy cross to bear.  The feelings of sadness, guilt and anxiety swirl away just under the surface.  I feel overwhelmed.

My pouch is still playing up, new meds made me into a zombie and so it is back to the drawing board.  Oh, and my hernia is back.  The only treatment is surgery which I just can’t face right now so I am going to just have to deal with it till it gets too painful.

I feel like I have been through so much this year and I hoped that I would feel better by now, I was told it was a long recovery period from the pouch surgery (18 months to 2 years) but I thought I would be doing ok.  Instead I feel like I have taken a big leap backwards.  I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Timm is, as ever, being awesome.  He tells me to rest and leaves me to sleep in whilst he gets up with the kids and sorts them for school.  He then goes and does a full days work before heading home to look after kids and me… I can’t help but feel sorry for him.  He deserves better.

When I say this, he gives me a hug, then tells me to stop being a dickhead.

So there it is.  My whinge is out.

I am trying hard for normal service to resume, so please bear with me.

 

 

Love Sam xxxx

 

IBD and body image – Sunday Assembly Film

I was thrilled to be invited to talk at Sunday Assembly in London at Conway Hall, their theme for the day was ‘I’m alright, me!’ and so my talk on Inflammatory Bowel Disease, Ulcerative Colitis, Ostomies and body image fit in perfectly.

 

 

sunday assembly london conway hall

 

Sunday Assembly is a “godless congregation that celebrates life”, basically a ‘church’ without a deity, a weekly meeting of atheists who live by the motto of Live Better, Help Often and Wonder More.  Conway Hall is a great venue and home of the Ethical Society and so it was great to talk poo in such a fantastic surrounding with a group of lovely chaps!

sunday assembly conway hall london sam cleasby

 

I had a great day with Sunday Assembly and look forward to working with them again in the future!

Here is the film of my talk, enjoy!

 

 

 

sunday assembly conway hall london sam cleasby

 

To book me to speak at your event, get in touch.

 

Love Sam x

Christmas Gifts for people with an ostomy or IBD

It is coming up to my favourite time of the year, I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! And so I thought I would pull together a few ideas for christmas gifts for friends or family with IBD, especially those with an ileostomy or a jpouch.

 

SPA TREATMENTS

I love a massage and adore a relaxation day in a spa, but with an ostomy there were a few alterations I needed to make.  I could never feel comfortable laying on my front, the weight pressing on the bag made me nervous about leaks and the pressure on my stoma was uncomfortable.  But there are tons of other treatments that would be great.  Just be aware that some treatments require you to fill out medical forms before hand and may not offer treatments if surgery was recent.  It is best to give them a call and chat with the therapist.

I would definitely recommend the Clumber Park Hotel and Spa, there are a variety of spa packages to all different budgets and the setting is gorgeous.  I have been invited to spend the day at their spa and so look forward to giving you all a full review of the experience soon!

climber park spa

FOOD AND DRINK

A christmas hamper, bottle of fizz or box of chocolates are usually an easy gift, but it is worth considering that some people have to alter their diet quite a lot with IBD.  Many people with an ostomy avoid nuts, some avoid carbonated drinks, some avoid dairy and some really struggle with fruit and veg.

It is such a minefield that it may be worth asking them first if there is anything they don’t eat or drink.

 

CLOTHES

If you are buying for someone with an ostomy, you need to be aware of waistbands, and unfortunately not all stomas are in the same place so it can be difficult to gauge.  When people have asked me for advice I tend to go for the simplest option, so when asked which pyjamas to buy for a woman with a stoma, I suggested a nightie instead.  For men I would go for a dressing gown and slippers.

stoma ileostomy bag woman junk food ulcerative colitis crowns ibd

Again everyone is so different, I didn’t mind wearing tight fitting clothes where you could see the outline of my bag, for others they may prefer something baggy and loose fitting.

 

GIFTS TO PASS THE TIME

For someone who is often ill and sometimes spends time either as an in patient or at many hospital appointments, items to pass the time can be a life saver.  I bought myself a kobo e-reader last year and people bought me kobo vouchers so I could buy whichever books I wanted.  It was fantastic to be able to have so many things to read on hand in a package that fit in my dressing gown pocket!

Other things could be a magazine subscription, my favourites are Psychologies (currently £22.85 for 12 months with a great free gift!) and National Geographic (currently just £19 for 12 months with a free fleece jacket)

App vouchers

Itunes vouchers

kobo e reader

 

PAMPER TIME

For women I don’t think you can go wrong with some great beauty products, I ADORE L’Occitane hand creams, they are a bit of a luxury treat that always make me smile.

Lush also do some amazing ranges and I find the staff instore so helpful, go in and ask for help and advice.  When I had my stoma I was very careful about using any bathing products or cream around the ostomy that could dry out or irritate the skin but found their products really lovely to use.  Plus any gift given to me that is wrapped in a gorgeous scarf will always be a winner!

LUSH GIFTS FOR IBD

USEFUL GIFTS

I recently spoke to a reader by email who wanted to do something nice for a friend who was in hospital after having an ileostomy formed.  She asked for advice on a gift and I suggested an IBD Hospital gift hamper including the following;

Eyemask and earplugs – Essential for getting any sleep in hospital!

Nice hand cream

Organic, non carbonated dilute squash

Notepad and pen

Slippers – the ‘slip on’ kind as you don’t want anything that you need to bend down to put on

A home made voucher offering a cooked meal/house cleaning/babysitting/movie night – just to remind them you will be there when they get home.

 

FUNNY GIFTS

I would definitely laugh at a poo based joke gift.  Only you know your friend/family member and so if you think they have a sense of humour about it all, what about something a little bit funny?

52 Things to Do While you Poo perhaps?

A Bristol Stool chart mug?

bristol stool chart mug

Anything from poopsoap.com…

 

POO POURRI

Yep, you heard me… Poo pourri is a toilet air freshener with the BEST EVER ADVERT…

 

A MEDICAL ALERT BRACELET

Read about why these are a good idea here, I especially like the ones from Twisted Typist.

medical alert bracelet for ibd jpouch

 

And finally…

 

If you have a spare £500, how about a heated toilet seat bidet magical loo thingamabob? Yes, really…

With a hot seat, bum wash, massage and a blow drier, this is the ultimate toilet for your IBD mate!

bidet heated toilet seat

 

 

If you have any comments or suggestions, please let us know by using the comment box below.

Happy shopping!

 

Love Sam x

 

Books from Santa

I am an avid reader, I have always had a massive love for reading from a very early age and will read pretty much anything.  I love modern fiction, horror, comedy, biographies, non fiction… I am not bookist!

And so I thought I would do a post about some books I am hoping Santa will bring me this year.  Let me know your thoughts and also any books you have on your ‘to read’ list.

 

Vivienne Westwood by Vivienne Westwood and Ian Kelly

This looks AMAZING, she is an inspirational and outstanding woman and I can’t wait to get my hands on this one.  She has led such an interesting life and this is the first time she has written a personal memoir.  A living legend, I think this book will become a must have in the lives of British women.

vivienne westwood book

 

 

Not That Kind of Girl by Lena Dunham

I don’t have Sky TV and so missed the whole ‘Girls’ phenomenon, but Lena Dunham has been on my ‘bad ass woman’ radar for a while and so I am looking forward to reading her book on how to be an awesome modern woman.  The book hit the headlines recently after she was accused of abusing her sister as she describes a memory of seeing her sibling’s vagina, I was impressed with how she dealt with the (ridiculous) criticism.

“I am not a sexpert, a psychologist, or a dietician. I am not a mother of three or the owner of a successful hosiery franchise. But I am a girl with a keen interest in having it all, and what follows are hopeful dispatches from the frontlines of that struggle.”

lena dunham not that kind of girl

 

 

The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August by Claire North

“Harry August is on his deathbed. Again. No matter what he does or the decisions he makes, when death comes, Harry always returns to where he began, a child with all the knowledge of a life he has already lived a dozen times before.” 

And with that sentence, I am hooked! The book was promoted by both the Richard and Judy book club and Radio 2 and it just sounds like the sort of great contemporary fiction that I like.

harry august claire north books i want for christmas

 

 

Ayoade on Ayoade by Richard Ayoade

Richard Ayoade is possibly one of the coolest men in the world.  I just read that back to check if I was exaggerating and I stand by it… A conversation with himself this book looks fantastic.  Worth a buy just based on this AMAZING interview with Krishnan Guru Murthy.

richard ayoade book christmas gift for readers

Revolution by Russell Brand

I am not a massive Russell Brand fan, I liked his comedy a few years ago but his political shouting over the past year has at times seemed ill thought and attention seeking.

But obviously that has worked because despite my feelings I am still intrigued enough that I would like to have a read of his latest book!

“Russell Brand wants you to join the revolution… This book makes revolution not only possible, but inevitable and fun.”

russell brand book

The Art of Asking: How I Learnt to Stop Worrying and Let People Help by Amanda Palmer

“Imagine standing on a box in the middle of a busy city, dressed as a white-faced bride, and silently using your eyes to ask people for money. Or touring Europe in a punk cabaret band, and finding a place to sleep each night by reaching out to strangers on Twitter. For Amanda Palmer, actions like these have gone beyond satisfying her basic needs for food and shelter – they’ve taught her how to turn strangers into friends, build communities, and discover her own giving impulses. And because she had learned how to ask, she was able to go to the world to ask for the money to make a new album and tour with it, and to raise over a million dollars in a month. In The Art of Asking, Palmer expands upon her popular TED talk to reveal how ordinary people, those of us without thousands of Twitter followers and adoring fans, can use these same principles in our own lives.”

This just sounds awesome…

amanda palmer book

There we go folks, if anyone fancies buying me one or two (hint hint Timm… Or Santa), or just a big, fat Waterstones voucher,  they would be gratefully received!

So what books are you hoping to find in your stocking on christmas morning?

Love Sam x

My favourite IBD websites

When I started this blog last year, I did so because I couldn’t find anything that I wanted to read, which was a personal account of real people with IBD, I wanted to know I wasn’t alone, to feel supported and learn more about the illness, recovery and life with Ulcerative Colitis or Crohns.

I came across Inflamed and Untamed run by the marvellous Sara Ringer and was blown away, I was massively inspired and for the first time, felt like there was a community of people out there who were like me! It is an American site though and so I thought why not start something like this here in the UK.

I love running So Bad Ass and I am thrilled that every day I receive so many wonderful messages from people all over the world and every week  I have thousands of views! I wanted to make a difference and I really hope that through my writing and public speaking I am doing that.

I saw yesterday that Bethany Townsend was voted in the 100 most influential people in the UK promoting disabilities for the image of her in a bikini showing her ILEOSTOMY* bag that went viral.  Hooray for more media coverage about IBD and Ostomies but I was wondering if she’d done anything else apart from share her holiday pic?

No offence to her at all, but it seems a shame that the bloggers/writers/public speakers/activists who write/speak/blog every day don’t get more recognition.   If you want to be properly inspired go check out the people who inspire, support, raise money and are so bad ass!!!

woman showing ileostomy colostomy bag

There are lots of IBD blogs now and there are more and more people speaking out and sharing their stories with the world and I think it is amazing.  The more we talk, the better it is for the millions of sufferers worldwide.

And so I thought I would compile a list of some of ten of my favourite and most inspirational IBD blogs, please take a look at them and get involved.

Big up the everyday IBD warriors who don’t get the recognition they should!!!

 

INFLAMED AND UNTAMED 

THAILA SKYE

BLAKE BECKFORD

COLITIS AND ME (Founder of #GetYourBellyOut)

UNCOVER OSTOMY

THE CROHNS COLITIS EFFECT

VEGAN OSTOMY

COLITIS NINJA

ADVENTURES OF A BAG LADY

THE CHRONIC ADVENTURER

 

There are so many that I just couldn’t name them all and so had to limit myself to my very favourites.  All these people take a lot of time and effort to talk about Inflammatory Bowel Disease, they join me in my quest to #stoppoobeingtaboo and make a difference to people all over the world.  If you are reading this and have crohns or colitis I hope you can see that you are part of an amazing set of people! Get reading, get commenting, get involved.

We all have the ability to act as advocates for IBD.  Let’s make the IBD community proud.
Love Sam x

 

*Can we all please teach the media that not all bags are COLOSTOMY bags??!!!!

8 ways to stop procrastinating and get s**t done

My name is Sam Cleasby and I am a procrastinator.  Don’t judge me, because I bet you do it to.

I run a photography company The Picture Foundry with my husband, I work with arts group Responsible Fishing, run this blog and I’m in the process of setting up a new business (launching December 2014… EEEEEPPPPPPPPP).  Working a portfolio career means I need to be organised and motivated.  Now I am an organised person on the whole, I love a list, hate being late and generally keep on top of things.

But now and then the old procrastinating demon sits on my shoulder whispering “Google images of funny talking dogs, Sam”

I stand firm at first, “NO demon! I have deadlines!”

“Sam, Mishka loves you” (if you don’t get this reference, click here.  But be warned, you will lose the next hour of you life…

The next thing I know, I have spent two hours on youtube watching goats screaming like humans.

But I am learning to curb my procrastination habit and thought I would share my hard earned wisdom to improve productivity and teach you all how to get shit done.

 

1. TURN OFF THE SOCIAL MEDIA

This has to be number one.  Whether it is Facebook, twitter, vine or tumblr, social media is the nemesis of productivity.  It is great fun and all, but it sucks you in and stops you from doing what needs doing.  Don’t have the pages open in the background, because it Will ping and you WILL click and next thing you know you are watching a girl being woken up by a hoover attached to her face

Set times to check your social media and don’t fool yourself into thinking that if you have your work Facebook page open, it means you are working.

 

facebook dislike

 

 

2. MAKE A LIST

I LOVE lists, I get a massive sense of achievement in crossing things off lists.

The important thing is to not over face yourself, as a ten page list will be overwhelming, stressful and not helpful at all.  I have a weekly list of the things that need doing and then a day to day list.  It keeps me on track and I feel good when I know I have completed it.

lists of note johnny cash

 

3. REWARD YOURSELF

Make a decision that when you have completed X, you will treat yourself to Y.  Be that a cup of coffee or ten minutes on candy crush.  It doesn’t have to be anything major, but a small treat will be that dangling carrot that can get you to finish the job in hand.

sam cleasby so bad ass ulcerative colitis blog sheffield

 

4. GET ORGANISED

It is really difficult to be organised and productive if you are working in a total mess.  Sort out your desk and clear out the crap.  Give yourself 10 minutes at the start of every day to make sure your workspace is clear and easy to work at.

 

 

5. KNOW WHEN YOU WORK BEST

I am not a morning person, BUT I know I feel guilty working in the evenings when the children are about and so I start my day early, but leave creative tasks which require more effort to the afternoon.

Work out when you work the best.  I have a friend who wakes a couple of hours before his kids because he works best in the silence of the morning with a big coffee.  Other friends swear by not starting till midday.

 

 

6. TAKE A BREAK

Sometimes your brain just doesn’t want to get into gear.  If you are really struggling to concentrate, take a break.  Go walk around the block, get some fresh air or a drink.

There are times when there is no point in forcing it, you won’t be creating the best work and will probably need to re-do it.

kobo e reader

 

7. MAKE YOUR WORKSPACE SOMEWHERE YOU WANT TO HANG OUT

If you have to spend 8 hours a day somewhere, then make it look pretty/awesome/inspiring… You are never going to work your best if you are in a hovel.  Make it personal, make it creative, make it you.

I have images I love, photos of friends and family and things that make me smile around my desk.  It cheers me up to have those things in my eye line.

 

 

8.WORK WITH SOMEONE

If you are a homeworker, it is really easy to end up feeling isolated, bored and fed up.  Make a point of getting out and working in the same space as someone else.  Do you have any home working friends? Can you team up and work in the same office?  I am lucky that I work with my husband and so we share an office, but on the days he is out on assignment I HATE it and get so much less work done.

 work with chronic illness

Love Sam x

Speaking

I did a talk at the Crohns and Colitis UK South Yorkshire Autumn lecture, I joined Mr Brown, consultant and surgeon at Sheffield Hallamshire and Northern General hospitals and we gave a patient/surgeon take on Ulcerative Colitis, surgery and treatment.  I had a brilliant time, the talk was filmed and I will share that with you when I get hold of the final cut.

I received this from Sandra Capewell, Chair of the South Yorkshire Crohns and Colitis group and was blown away.  I work hard to make a difference to the lives of people with IBD and to hear that I am helping just means so much.

 

“I discovered Sam Cleasby in an accidental kinda way and boy am I glad I did!  She’s an extraordinary woman… mother, homemaker, photographer, writer, public speaker, blogger… is there no end to Sam’s talents?  I first started reading Sam’s blog earlier this year and was blown away by her honest, open writing style (it does become addictive!).  She shares everything with her reader – all the ups and downs of her health along with stories of her loving family and views on self esteem – her words take you on a roller coaster ride in your own armchair.  You start to believe you know everything about her!  Sam has such a positive outlook on life – there’s glass half empty people and glass half full people but Sam is in a different league altogether… she’s the glass overflowing person.
Sometimes when you discover something good you want to keep it for yourself but I would have been doing a disservice to many if I had not shared Sam with others…  I asked Sam to give the lecture at the South Yorkshire Crohn’s and Colitis UK (CCUK) Autumn 2014 meeting and she was more than happy to oblige.  The old girl didn’t let me down.  The lecture covered her operations, positive body image and, as always, the continued support of her husband.  Her energy is boundless and her positivity is infectious – it gave people hope, even those experiencing different problems.  Just by being in a room Sam makes people feel happier.  And it wasn’t just me who was impressed with her lecture – here are a few comments from CCUK members:
“Very inspirational”
“The lady advocate for acceptance, self reliance and not giving up was the best speaker on positive behaviour and attitudes I’ve ever heard in my experience of 20+ years of IBD.”
“Interesting and informative”
@so_bad_ass you were brilliant!  You made me and another girl get teary (in a good positive way).  Poo shouldn’t be taboo!  Thank you.”
Read her blog.  Arrange for her to speak to your group.  Follow her story.  You won’t be disappointed!”
– Sandra Capewell (Chair – South Yorkshire Crohn’s and Colitis UK)
If you would like me to speak at your event, get in touch now
Sam x

A love letter to myself

Dear Sam,

This is a little awkward but here we go, this is a love letter to you because you need to hear this.  Society tells us that it is immodest to love yourself and the marketing people of the world don’t want you to love yourself but after a really shitty year, let’s just go for it.

You have been through so much and I am really proud of you, you battled so hard and I am amazed that you have come through this experience a stronger person.  Though at times you are frightened, angry and distressed, you have taken it all on board and made something amazing from a terrible situation.

I know you feel you have to always have a smile on your face, that you created this public face of positivity that sometimes makes it difficult to admit when you are struggling.  But you have had to learn let yourself be sad, let yourself cry, let yourself be angry.

I love that you love your friends, that you care about them and try to be there, your kindness has been repaid 100 times over during your recovery and you are lucky to have such wonderful mates around you.  I love that you want everyone to be happy but you know that sometimes you need to take some time for yourself.

You have learnt that you need to look after yourself, that your body is the only place you have to live, that means accepting it’s weaknesses and recognising when you need to stop and rest.  You realise how important you are, and that you can’t help others if you are broken yourself.

I love that you have learnt to love your body, that you have accepted your new shape, your scars and your modified self with pride and joy.  It hasn’t been an easy path but your new found happiness has not only benefitted yourself but has become a role model for others.

I love that after a long time of feeling that your career path was lost in the woods, that you have cleared the trees and discovered these strengths that you didn’t know you had.  Your childhood dream of being a writer that you thought was a silly fantasy is coming true through your own hard work and you are carving your own career and making your own opportunities.

I love that you are silly. That you are ok with playing the fool and know that your laughter is far sexier than any pout.  I love that you did a ropy poly across a dance floor just to see the look on all the “beautiful people’s” faces.  I love that as you grow older and relax more, your humour grows without shame.

I love that you are learning that you can’t fix everyone and that sometimes, no matter how hard it feels, you need to cut people from your day to day life who don’t bring you anything positive.  I love that you are learning that you shouldn’t be a doormat and that ‘no’ is a full sentence.

I love your interests in penguins, dinosaurs, collecting found shopping lists, learning about obscure, random things, knitting, reading and whatever else takes your fancy.  I love that you like these things despite others mocking you for them.  You know your interests should make you happy, not anyone else.

I love that you adore your children.  That you accept that being a mother means constant adapting and learning, you know you aren’t a perfect mum but you try your best and know that is enough.  I love that your children haven’t been scarred by your illness but it has taught them to be more empathetic, caring and open.

I love that you have found a man who makes every part of your life better.  Though you have had really tough times over the last 16 years, the past year that would have broke some people has just brought you so much closer together.  You are a lucky woman to have a person in your life who sees through everything and loves your soul.

I love that you are learning that the hard shell you put up for years didn’t just keep out the hurtful words but it kept out some good people and so you have learnt to drop the shield.  Your path hasn’t always been easy and I know you have anger and hurt when you think of your youth but I love that you are learning to deal with that.  You have been rough on yourself but you are learning to be kinder.  I know you didn’t always feel like you had people to guide you towards making healthy decisions, but that has made you the person you are and I forgive you for all the mistakes you have made along the way.

Your decision to take the last difficult year of illness and recovery and make something positive of it is a real achievement.  This love letter is just one way that you are hoping to teach others to love themselves and I hope you continue and make a difference to the lives of other people.  I love that you blog your journey without shame or embarrassment in the hope that it will help others.

So here we come to the end of this awkward letter of self love, all I can finish with are the words of the great Dory.

Just keep swimming…

 

Love Sam xx

J pouch truths

I ‘met’ a man called Darrell on a Facebook group for people with a jpouch.  Social media is brilliant for this, for the ability to speak to people all over the world with the same issues as you.  Darrell has been a real inspiration to me, I LOVE his attitude.  He is so strong, honest and positive, he writes with such openness and passion and it is a pleasure to be his Facebook pal.

He wrote a bit of a tongue in cheek post today about life with a j pouch and it had me howling as it is all so true, and so with his permission I thought I would share it here for you all.

 

1. Every bathroom trip is an adventure.

2. Stomach gargles while in bed and you have no idea if that’s going to haunt you later.

3. Using wet wipes as an adult and feeling no shame.

4. Having no idea what effect the food you are putting in your mouth, at any given time, will have on your ass later.

5. The ability to make such an enormous amount of noise in the bathroom stall that you know the person next to you is wondering if a gorilla is shitting beside them.

6. Knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt you are the toughest person in any room you enter.

7. I love the fact that I enjoy every moment more than anyone I know because I have been to the abyss.

8.Understanding the digestive tract better than many medical students.

9. Being the only person in a 20 mile radius who has shat every color of the rainbow and not feared for their life.

10. When your friends or family complain of indigestion, heart burn, acid reflux, stomach viruses, constipation, diarrhea or said, “I’m not sure I should eat that, it could upset my stomach”, and all you can do is look at them and think, “Pussy”.

 

 

Sam x