Things aren’t brilliant at the minute. I’m still really struggling with fatigue, I am so exhausted all the time, and this brings my mood crashing down, I feel sad, guilty and useless. I am still waiting for a date for my hernia operation, the hernia isn’t too big but it aches constantly and I have to wear a big support belt to hold it in if I exert myself. My anxiety levels are sky high when I think about going under the knife yet again. We are dealing with some really stressful parenting problems that are filling my head with stress and making me feel quite isolated.
And then two days ago, whilst washing the pots, I cut the back of my hand on a glass quite badly. After a four hour wait in A&E with the skin flapping off my hand, doctors glued it up and strapped up my hand. They said I was very lucky and only just missed the tendons, as they lifted the flap of skin, you could see all the tendons and muscle moving and the bone of my knuckle!
It’s all strapped up now, but is very, very painful, my hand is swollen and I can’t move the first finger at all meaning I am pretty one handed at the minute. I can’t believe how difficult life is with one hand!
And this may sound pathetic, but it has been the straw that broke the camels back. I am done in. I felt useless enough with the hernia and fatigue, I am doubting myself as a good parent and life is kind of crap, but now not being able to use my right hand has floored me. I know it will heal quickly and within a week or so I am sure I will be fine, but I am gutted how little I can do for myself.
Even typing this is a nightmare, I am one fingered left hand typing and so I will keep the post brief as it is taking so long.
I’m afraid I have little to be positive about today. Life is pretty sucky and though Im sure there is a silver lining somewhere, I can’t find it right now.
The only positive is that I deal with everything with the awesome and unfaltering support of my husband, and though things aren’t great, at least we are together.
I will try and be back soon with a more shiny, happy outlook!