I had my 6 week post op check up today with Mr Brown, Timm took the morning off work to come with me as I had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn’t going to be good news.
My stoma and stomach is still very swollen and with exertion it really pops out and my stoma disappears inside my body. I have New deeper convex bags which are really helping with the leaks but it’s still not great.
So Mr Brown said that the op didn’t go as planned as he was thinking it was going to be a really simple incisional hernia repair but when he opened me up, the hernia was originating from the stoma and had spread up to the incision site. He fixed it as much as possible but unfortunately things haven’t solved the issues.
And so I’m going to have to have another operation.
I’m absolutely devastated. I really thought the surgery 6 weeks ago was going to be my final one and now I’m heartbroken at the thought of more.
The options are to have a parastomal hernia repair, this is the easiest op but carries a 50% chance of reoccurrence, or we can totally resite my stoma on the other side, which is a much bigger op but only has a 10% chance of reoccurrence.
I decided I need some time to think about it, we have a big holiday planned for August this year and so I don’t want to do anything before then. So I’m going back to see him in July and we’ll look at scheduling it then. We all think that the stoma resiting, though a scarier op is probably the better option but I’ll give it some real thought and research over the next few months.
Im really tearful now, I just can’t believe I’m going to have to have another surgery. I can’t believe my husband and kids are going to go through it all again. I’m worried about work, taking more time off for yet another surgery, and Timm’s business which is in the first stages of expansion and the effects my illness will have on us.
I know in the grand scheme of life, this is small fry. It’s an operation to fix a problem that isn’t life threatening. I know I’m lucky to have the health that I do have and so don’t want to be too ‘poor me’, but man, I’m gutted.
I had a big cry in the hospital car park and then another big cry in the car. Then an even bigger, snotty wail at home.
It’s not bloody fair! I’ve done my share of hospitals, I want some time off now!!!
Work have been great, I spoke to my manager when I came out of hospital and he’s told me to take the rest of the day off. So I’m going to have a bath, take some meds and get in bed and read a book.
Im going to take today as a mardy day, wallow, eat pancakes, cry and feel sorry for myself.
Then tomorrow I’ll pull on my big girl pants and get on with it…
I read a quote recently, it said:
And it made me realise you have to make the most of your time here.
Things are pretty shit with my family relations, but I have the best husband, wonderful children and some really loving and supportive family members.
I have THE best friends in the world, so many friends who are bloody brilliant. Especially our Caroline and Jim who are the best friends Timm and I could ever wish for, they’re always there for us and make us so happy.
I have a great job who are understanding and supportive with my illness, Timms business is thriving. I have a lovely home and an allotment which is my happy place.
So if I have to have another op, then I think I’ve got this. Maybe we’re only sent the shit we can handle, and maybe that shit sometimes teaches us we can handle more than we believe.
Love Sam xx