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Things I hate about IBD

Although Im a big believer in positivity, I also think it is healthy to expel all the things you hate, to write them down and cast them out and so I though Id do a list of things I hate about IBD, ileostomies and chronic illness.  With my surgery looming I am possibly not feeling at my most upbeat so bear with me…

I HATE not being a ‘normal’ person.  Not in the personality stakes as Im ok with being a bit odd and weird but in the health stakes, I HATE that I can’t just have normal bodily functions, that I have to have medication or surgery or different treatments to just function the way everybody else does.

I HATE being flaky.  By this I mean backing out of plans at the last minute because I don’t feel well, being unable to fulfil responsibilities whether they are family, work or friendships.

mr grumble hate ibd

I HATE that I can’t plan things in advance due to not knowing how I will be health wise on any given day.

I HATE that I feel weak.  That sometimes I can’t do the things I want to do and I have to ask for help.

I HATE that my illness becomes all I talk about.  Sometimes the last thing I want to do (believe it or not!!) is talk about my arse.

I HATE that my kids see me ill and unable to do the things I need and want to do.  I HATE that they miss out on things because of me.

I HATE that my illness and treatment upsets those around me.

hate IBD

I HATE that sometimes, no matter how confident I am, that slight rustle of my bag can, at times, make my self esteem plummet.

I HATE that my husband becomes my carer.

I HATE that I feel exhausted and broken a lot of the time.

I HATE that sometimes my disease makes me selfish, I am so snowed under by how the illness is affecting me that I am not aware of the people around me.

I suppose the key thing in all those things is the word ‘sometimes’.  Life isn’t always shit, most of the time I can overcome anything! But ‘sometimes’ these things get to me and it is easy to think life sucks.  When I feel like this I let myself have a good old wallow, because we do need to lay and weep eating our own body weight in ice-cream whilst watching a box set of My So-Called Life (or is that just me?) then I make myself think of all the awesome things in my life and I suck it up buttercup and move forward.
Love Sam x

Let the haters hate

I get so many wonderful messages, emails, tweets and Facebook messages – every one means so much. I write this blog as a means of therapy for myself but when I get messages saying that it is helping others it just makes me feel so amazing.  It’s not been an easy ride and writing So Bad Ass reminds me daily of the importance of staying positive, of sharing my stories to raise awareness, talk honestly about my illness and stop poo being a taboo.

I love hearing other peoples stories and it makes my pain, hardships and the general shit I have to deal with from my illness, ileostomy and surgery kind of worth while. Like it has a meaning, you know?

So it was tough to read a recent message where the author wanted to let me know that I’m really not all that and to question who I thought I was.  There was mention of my weight, that I should know Im hardly a model (No shit Sherlock!)  This person believed that what I was talking about was gross and that no one wanted to read that shit.   (My 30,000 + views in the last six months beg to differ)

let the haters hate

For a second, I felt sick. I read and re-read the message feeling gutted. I couldn’t believe someone was being mean to me, I’m generally a kind person, what had I done to make this happen? Then I pulled on my big girl pants, shook my head, deleted the message and went back to my fairly awesome life! (The best revenge for haters is to just be FABULOUS!)

It’s easy to feel hurt by mean words but you know, haters are gonna hate, man. A valid argument, a debate, I thrive on those things but a little person sat behind their computer screen taking their time to write something spiteful? Nah, I’m alright for that.

The fact is that I put myself out there,I write openly about my life, speaking about things we don’t usually discuss, I dare to show photographs of myself with my unperfect body that has (gasp!) wobbly bits and (shock horror!!) scars…  I show confidence despite all this because Im a fucking warrior.  I guarantee that there is little anyone can throw at me that is tougher than having a chronic illness for ten years, surgery and living with an ileostomy.

ibd warrior inner strength confidence ostomy ileostomy bag

I debated whether to post about this, whether or not to give this bully airspace but I thought it was important to say that there will always be someone who dislikes you, especially if you put yourself out onto the internet to be judged, but those people are the sad ones, the folk who have so little else that they feel the need to put others down.

Let the haters hate and move forward with life with a smile…

And if all else fails, just pretend you are Beyonce.

beyonce single ladies

Love Sam xx