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“On a good day”

I was talking to a friend who has a young baby and we were discussing how tough breastfeeding can be in the early days.  She was saying that she has times of thinking about stopping breastfeeding but had some great wisdom that I have been thinking about recently.

She said “I may stop, but not on a bad day.  I’ll only stop on a good day and then I know it’s the right decision”

I think this is a wonderful mantra and one I am taking on board.  It is all too easy to make snap decisions when times are tough, but better to stop, get through it and make that decision on a good day.  Decisions made on a good day are filled with optimism and hope, they are made with a sense of calm and what is right.

Decisions made in anger, pain, sadness or frustration tend not to be the best for you, if a decision stems from pain, it may lead you to pain.  I know this sounds all a bit airy fairy, but think about it, when you are in a bad mood and try and get things done, how often does it go from bad to worse?  You stub your toe, you drop your tea, you lose your keys…

I am struggling at the minute, my health isn’t great and life is all a bit stressful with work, cars and family and I am having a hard time coping.  I need to make some big decisions but the motto of doing it on a good day is resonating in my ears.

Some decisions are difficult and you may not know the best path to take, but I do think that making those decisions on your better day is a more positive thing than making it on your worst day. 

Sometimes you may make the wrong choice but at least if you decided on a great day of happiness, you can feel it was just one of those things rather than if you made it on a bad day, you can end up feeling guilty and full of self blame. 

So, along with my life motto of “If you can’t sing well, sing loud!”I am adding “do it on a good day”! 

What is your motto? 

Sam x 

Pouch surgery after ileostomy – making the decision

I had my first surgery on 3rd September and that was a subtotal colectomy with ileostomy.

My options from that point are…

To keep the ileostomy permanently, this would mean one more surgery where they remove all my rectum and anus and sew everything up! (Barbie butt…)

To have a pouch made out of my small intestine that is attached to my butt so that I can then empty my bowels through my bum and not have an ileostomy any more. This is two more surgeries.

To wait. There is no immediate need to make the decision. I can wait till I’m entirely sure. They like you to make the decision within 3-5 years as the risk of cancer in the rectal stump (least attractive words ever…) increases after this point.

There are pros and cons to all options. I’m dealing with my bag well now, but I just don’t know whether I’m happy to have it forever. The surgery is so FINAL…

But the pouch surgery can be a difficult recovery. They say to give yourself a year to recover. The muscles in my arse haven’t worked for do long that it takes a while to re learn how to use them. The pouch is also quite small and so learning how to use it can take time.

There’s also the thought of two more surgeries which is pretty terrifying.

I’m scared of going back to hospital, I’m scared of being helpless again and I’m scared that the recovery will break me.

BUT I think I have made the decision.

I’m not ready to give up on my arse, as much as my bag is now easier to deal with I just don’t think I want to keep it forever without even trying the pouch surgery. So I’m going to see my consultant in a couple of weeks to let him know that I’d like to move forward.

My life is currently crazy busy, between our family photography business, family stuff, planning our wedding renewal, a summer working with our arts group Responsible Fishing around the UK and a million and one other things, I’m hoping that the surgery could take place after September when things should calm down a little!!

The decision is a big one and I’ve spent a long time deciding what I want to do as well as talking to my husband and a lot of people on forums around the net. Who knows if it’s the right one? If the pouch surgery didn’t work or just wasn’t the right option for me, I now know that I could deal with keeping my bag forever, but I think I’ll regret not trying to regain a more normal life and having the pouch.

I’ll post more after my hospital appointment!

Sam xxx