Posts

When do morals matter more than money?

You may have seen the queen that is Jameela Jamil calling out the Kardashian’s and other celebrities for their earning money from the promotion of weight loss products such as appetite-suppressant lollipops,meal-replacement shakes or “cleansing” teas that act as a laxative. Also her satirical video.

In response to Khloé’s promotion of Flat Tummy shakes, Jameela said “If you’re too irresponsible to: (a) own up to the fact that you have a personal trainer, nutritionist, probable chef, and a surgeon to achieve your aesthetic, rather than this laxative product…and (b) tell them the side effects of this NON-FDA approved product, that most doctors are saying aren’t healthy…then I guess I have to.”

Kim has said regarding her Instagram adverts “If there is work that is really easy that doesn’t take away from our kids, that’s, like, a huge priority. If someone was faced with the same job opportunities, I think they would maybe consider.”

No. Just no.

Momma’s gotta work

I’m a working mother living with chronic illness, I’ve got one kid going off to uni this year and a 14 and 16 year old who are all bloody expensive! If I can get work that is easy and doesn’t take me away from my kids then hell yes I’m going to consider it!!

But despite the fact that my family’s need for financial security is far more intense that the multi millionaire Kardashian’s, morals come first every single time.

If you are a blogger, an influencer, a public speaker, someone who has a following then you have a responsibility to use that privilege with care, sensitivity, thought and love. You have a responsibility to put your followers health before your own bank statements.

I have been offered money to advertise so many things; Diet shakes, miracle IBD cures, weight loss fads and more. Money that would make my family more financially secure, money that would cover the loss of earnings of having 8 surgeries in 5 years, money that would relieve some of the stresses of having to reduce my work hours because my body can’t keep up with the physical strain.

Ive been offered money by companies that may well believe in their claims that their products can reduce symptoms of IBD, but until I see doctors telling me that these things are safe, that they work and having the knowledge that they aren’t just out to make money from desperate patients, I ain’t going to advertise it!

Money and my blog

I run this blog because I care deeply about raising awareness of chronic illness and disability issues, because I love sharing my story in the hope of making just one person feel less isolated. And I do it for free and out of my own pocket.

I do take adverts, but each request is only taken if I truly believe in the company and can find proof that they are decent businesses providing something that I know at least some of my followers will have an interest in.

If you take into consideration the hours and money I put into this blog and the So Bad Ass social media, I run at a loss. This blog will always be free to access, I always want the support offered to be available to as many as possible and yes, I am trying to think of ways to bring in some revenue so I can keep it going.

You may notice I don’t have many ads, this is because I’m so careful at what and who I will advertise here because my blog matters to me, it’s my baby. And my readers deserve the best.

So forgive me for not shedding a tear for a multi millionaire who chooses to promote potentially dangerous and certainly questionable weight loss products to their audience because it’s easy money.

When do morals matter more than money in blogging and social media?

Every. Fucking. Time.

✌🏽& ❤️

Sam xxx

Weight Loss – Operation No Operations – Week 1

So after my news last week that I now have two hernias, I decided to try and lose some weight.  I am adamant that I do not want surgery until it is absolutely necessary and so I spoke to my doctor about the benefits of me losing weight and we agreed that it would really help with the hernias.  Thus begins Operation No Operations!

I looked at groups such as Slimming World and Weight Watchers and though I know that they are great for some people, I thought they weren’t for me for a couple of reasons.  One is that I don’t want to go to classes and two is that my medical history scares the bejesus out of most people and I wasn’t sure as to whether they would understand.  On a side note, if you are interested in Slimming World, take a look at the very lovely Wit Wit Woo and her 5 month weight loss journey.

I bought myself a fitbit that tracks my steps, heart rate, sleep and through the app, I can log my food and track my calories.  I aim for 1400 calories a day, but I don’t freak out if I go over and I am doing 10,000 steps a day.  I am finding that the fitbit and app are keeping me on track, on days where I am well under on my steps, I am forcing myself to get out and get my steps up.  It is a huge boost to my will power to have a watch that is gently reminding me to get moving.  I even filmed one of my dog walks when I had to force myself to get out even though it was raining!

I haven’t been hungry this week at all, I am making sure I eat three meals a day and just avoiding snacks, though last night the desire for a Feast ice cream was just too strong and so I had one and enjoyed every bite! I have been really shocked at how many calories are in things, it has made me realise why I am overweight.  170 calories in a gin and tonic, yo!!!

I am also looking at my portion sizes and weighing out my food, I realised that my average bowl of cereal is twice the recommended portion size! I am finding that I appreciate my food a lot more and I am enjoying eating.  I have always had a thing about clearing my plate and so often would carry on eating even after I felt full just because there was food still on my plate.  Smaller portions mean I eat well and then if I am still hungry, I can always go back for a little more.

The thing that is important to me is not denying myself anything that I really want.  I was so limited with what i could eat when I had my jpouch that now I hate to be told I can’t eat something.  I am very lucky with my current ileostomy that there is nothing so far that I can’t eat.  I just chew everything well and drink plenty.  Even though I am limiting calories, I have found it quite simple to still eat filling and delicious food.

So how has it gone? Well here’s the numbers.

Starting weight – 16th May 2016 – 13 stone 13 lb

Week one – 23rd May 2016 – 13 stone 8 lb

fitbit weight loss blog

I lost 5 lb this week!!! I can’t believe it! I have eaten well and never once felt hungry, an example of my diet this week…

Breakfast – Granola with 0% fat natural yoghurt and sliced mango, strawberry and pineapple

Lunch – Salami, parma ham, mozzarella, feta, humous and fresh bread

Dinner – Baked potato and sausage casserole

Snack – satsuma

I am drinking plenty, either water or no added sugar squash, tea and coffee.  I do like fizzy pop and I am trying to reduce the amount I am drinking, but it is sugar free. (I know, I know, it’s still bad!!)

I don’t feel strong enough to exercise yet, my hernias scare me and so I am walking a lot, I am aiming for at least 10,000 steps a day and also doing some work in the allotment.  I am trying to be active every hour, which is something the fitbit encourages.  I am wearing support garments from Vanilla Blush or just a pair of strong support ‘fat’ pants, you know, that underwear that is supposed to suck you in?

sam cleasby blogger allotment operation no operations

So there we go, that was week one of weight loss.  I wasn’t sure whether to blog about this, I am not an advocate of dieting and think women are pushed into weight loss all the time.  I am a size 16-18 and classed as overweight, my BMI was 28.7 which is on the verge of obese (which I find ridiculous as I do not think I am obese!)  Despite what society tells me, I love my body, I don’t mind that I am bigger than some, I genuinely feel happy in my own skin.

But this weight loss is for my health and so I feel I must go ahead with it.  I am so terrified at the thought of more surgery that I really want to do everything I possibly can to have positive affects on my health.  I don’t think we all need to be the same size and shape but I do think we all need to be responsible for our own health and for me, right now, this means dropping a few pounds and putting less strain on my stomach and hernias.

 

For anyone thinking of losing weight, especially those of us with IBD or other medical needs, do speak to a health professional first and make sure the changes you make are healthy and positive.

 

Sam xx

 

Fat is not sexy…

These are the words of Steve Miller, do you remember him? He did a show called Fat Families where he basically bullied people into exercise and eating salad by calling them “massive fatties” at every opportunity in order to motivate them to lose weight.

Well I unfortunately stumbled upon his twitter feed yesterday and unsurprisingly it is filled with fat shaming posts.  What does surprise me is how far he is willing to push his condemnation of overweight people.  His feed is filled with venomous statements labelling people “fat” “lazy” and stating that they aren’t curvy, just fat.

steve miller twitter fat shaming

Here’s the charmer himself telling the world about the “reality” and “truth” that fat people are unattractive and aren’t able to be in a loving relationship.

steve miller twitter fat shaming

Also fat people don’t have sex.  It’s the truth, it must be!!! This vile Alan Carr wannabe said so!!  All I can think is that he has been taking a leaf out of the Katie Hopkins school of fame and hopes that if he can be as offensive as possible then he will gain fame.  He extolls himself as ‘the Simon Cowell of the slimming world’ with his Mr Nasty character and believes that fat shaming helps to motivate people to lose weight.

What a dick.

I really want to post an intelligent and reasoned argument as to why this vile toad is wrong, but I only have expletives!  How very fucking dare he?  His ‘reality’ and ‘truth’ is bullshit.  He doesn’t get to judge others on their outward appearance and assume that his fucked up, warped view of the world is the truth.

“The reality is; most men don’t want an overweight lover so as soon as they begin to get heavier their partner begins to look elsewhere. After all, who wants a fat woman on top of them in the bedroom?”

What world is he living in? His assumption that all women want to be a size 6 and all men would baulk at the sight of a woman larger than a supermodel is fucking ridiculous.

You know what is sexy? Confidence.  There is nothing hotter than a person who glows with self love, who is happy, joyous and loving life.  You know that person who lights up a room when they enter, who is interesting and clever and witty and you are drawn to them.  And they may be a size 6 or a size 26, the outer shell doesn’t matter when you are in the presence of someone awesome.

You know what isn’t sexy? A person who tries to make money from shaming people into feeling bad about themselves, who name-calls and belittles others.  Somebody who takes their own hurt and pain and puts it onto others.

Worry not, because they amazing world of twitter has responded with vigour.  Awesome blogger and fat activist Daisy replied.

steve miller twitter fat shaming

Whilst I pissed myself at Fat Becky‘s response…

steve miller fat shaming

Yeah, yeah I know lowering ourselves to mocking his appearance isn’t the most adult thing to do, but sometimes, some people are so vile that they kind of deserve it…

There is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight, get fitter or change your lifestyle, but how many really believe that someone bullying them will help? No one should lose weight because someone else makes them feel bad about themselves, weight loss and getting fitter should be a personal choice and one that is emotionally healthy for them.

And that personal choice goes both ways, a friend told me recently that she had been dieting for years and had started a new regime, her husband sighed heavily and told her that he would rather her gain another 5 stone than him have to see her punish herself any longer.  Not everyone wants to be thin, nor does every partner care what size their loved one is.

After my surgeries I was a little shy in front of my husband, I wore long vests in the bedroom to hide my changed body, this became a habit that I eventually tired of.  I realised I wasn’t fooling him, he didn’t think I was a size 0 under my size 16 vest!!! And so I rid myself of the garments and shook what my momma gave me… The result? An honest conversation where he told me that when I covered up it made him worry that I didn’t trust him to love me, it also made him think I couldn’t be enjoying myself if I was thinking about my stomach.

This vile man, Steve Miller, would like you all to believe that if you are fat, no one will love you.  I call bullshit.  If the people around you only care about the number in the back of your dress then dump those fuckers NOW.  True friends, partners, lovers care about you as a whole package and your size and shape pales into insignificance when it comes to your self esteem, confidence, joy and character.

Sex and love are about respect, trust, fun and excitement.  These things come through self esteem and a great relationship not through salads and treadmills.

Fat is not sexy? What a load of shit!!!

IMG_3648-0.JPG

No make up, no photoshop, size 16 and in the words of the amazing Amy Schumer, I can catch a dick any time I want…

Steve Miller, go fuck yourself!

 

Sam x

Talking to children about their weight

We all want the very best for our kids, we want them to be happy and healthy. But what about if you have a child who gains weight easily? How do you best broach the subject without making their weight an issue?

One of my three kids gains weight easily, all three eat the same things and live similar lives yet two of them are beanpoles who don’t have an ounce of body fat and one is bigger and puts on weight quickly and easily. I’ve googled and asked around and can’t find an answer to how to deal with this.

I don’t want weight to become something they think about but equally I don’t want them to be overweight and have to deal with all the issues that surround being overweight, both health wise and socially. As part of my blog I am all about loving your body whatever size you are, but I do feel it’s my job as a mum to make sure that while their eating and exercise habits are under my control that they are as healthy as possible.

But the line is a difficult one to tread. I want my children to love themselves, to be happy, healthy and live good lives. And as hypocritical as this may seem coming from an overweight woman, I don’t want them to have weight issues. So how do you talk about weight without making it an emotional and mental issue?

We have tried talking in general terms about health. About eating healthy, colourful and tasty foods and limiting sweeties. We have talked about how we need energy to move around and be fit and that if we take on more energy than we burn that it is turned to fat stores. But this hasn’t sunk in to a child who will eat half a packet of biscuits when I’m not looking. Or the child who only wants to sit and watch tv and play on a DS. A child who is classed as overweight.

Tonight it came to a head after my child ate a tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream to himself. I had said they could have a little bit each which two of them did, the third ate the rest and when I saw the tub had all gone, I admit I was annoyed and the awful words came out of my mouth “this is why you’re getting fat”

The child’s face crumpled and I felt like shit. I sat and cuddled and told them I loved them more than anything. That they were beautiful and awesome and I thought they were fantastic. I said that I was sorry if I’d made them feel bad and that my intention was only to make sure they grew up healthy. I feel terrible. I feel like I have scarred my child and given him a weight issue.

Am I a total hypocrite to write about loving the body you are in whilst not wanting my kids to be overweight?!

The reality is that being overweight isn’t healthy, it causes health and social problems and I would rather my children not have to deal with those things through their lives. If there is a way to ensure they are the fittest they can be then that is what I want. But am I causing problems by bringing it up?

We talked tonight about how everyone needs to eat yummy healthy food and that exercise is about doing the fun things you enjoy and getting moving. We talked about starting swimming again weekly, something we stopped with my surgery and we made a plan that we would walk the dog together every day and it would be ‘our thing’.

You see some children who are very overweight and I wonder whether parents need to be a little harder on diet and exercise. Is it mean to discuss the child’s weight and risk them feeling sad, or is it worse to say nothing and allow them to gain weight?

After my almighty gaff, my child and I had a chat and lots of hugs. I used lots of positive words and we talked about all the fabulous qualities. Then tonight my kid came in and said “mum I’ve made a plan!” I was shown a list of all the fun things that could be done instead of sitting on a DS ( which we agreed should be limited to one hour a day) including den building, walking the dog, playing with lego, swimming and writing stories. There was also a discussion on what healthy meals we could all eat together. I’m hoping that our chat has made a positive impact and that my awful comment can be forgotten.

So dear readers, have I screwed up my amazingly awesome son by using the f word?

Do you agree that we are responsible for our children’s weight? Or should we allow our kids to settle at their own desired weight?

Is discussing weight going to cause problems with self esteem and confidence?

Please comment and let me know what you think because I am at a total loss and feel like the worst mum ever. I’m so confused as to the best way to deal with this situation and would appreciate any advice or comments.

I’m aware this is an emotional and contentious issue and hope I haven’t offended anyone as that was never my goal. Equally please be kind and know that though I have messed up tonight, I’m just a mum trying to do her best.

Love Sam x

Losing weight

With my pouch surgery coming up in the next month or so, my consultant has asked me to try and lose some weight. Since January I’ve lost 12lbs and so I’m doing quite well but seem to have plateaued.

He has asked me to try to lose another 6 or 7 lbs as people carrying less weight have fewer problems and a better recovery than those who are heavier.

My problem is that because of the hernia I’m really struggling to do any physical exercise. I’ve stopped swimming because I’m scared of my hernia twisting and ending up not being able to get out and dressed as when this happens it’s agony and I’ve also stopped going to the gym.

My plan is to walk the dog every day, I can’t go fast but it’s better than nothing! I also struggle with some fruits and veg with my stoma but I’m going to try and just cut out all the sweet stuff and watch my portion sizes.

I really feel the pressure to lose this weight, I’m so scared of the next surgery and if I end up having any complications I know Ill blame myself if I don’t lose it.

So if anyone has any suggestions or tips for someone with a stoma and hernia to lose half a stone in a month they will be gratefully received.

Sam x

Weight loss for surgery

At my surgical appointment this week it was suggested that I should lose some weight to increase my chances of my pouch surgery going well.

Since the birth of my kids I gained a lot of weight and then have yo yo-ed since then. I’ll lose weight during flares then gain it back. Last year I had months of steroids which caused me to gain a lot and surgery where I lost weight. Then during my recovery where I couldn’t do much physical exercise and being unable to eat much fruit or veg but encouraged to eat white bread, pasta and rice I then gained more!

I have been looking at my weight since January and I have lost 10 lbs, but I know I’m still probably two and a half stone overweight.  My BMI is currently 28 which puts me near the top end of overweight.  Ill be honest, it doesn’t bother me massively, I like the way I look, I know Im not stick thin but I think I look fucking good! (and Im SO modest!) But I do want to be fitter, healthier and stronger.

stoma ileostomy photo shoot woman beauty

The doc was really nice about it and was simply telling me how to increase my chances of a better outcome.  I know a lot of crohnies really struggle with being underweight but for me it’s the other way.

So I need to get on it, it feels very much like when I stopped smoking.  I liked smoking, I know that sounds bad and isn’t the right thing to say these days, but I did like it.  I knew it was bad for me and I knew that Timm and the kids hated me smoking but I never really wanted to stop.  Then my consultant told me that I was five times more likely to have a flare up of ulcerative colitis if I was a smoker.  I quit that day.

Id been a smoker for 15 year and I just stopped. I felt that if I continued smoking after Id been told this and then had a flare up, that it would be my own fault.  Every time I put a cigarette to my lips I thought about how sick I was during a flare up, I thought about being on medication and having to stay in hospital and funnily enough, it made me not want to have that smoke!

I feel the same now, I know that by my BMI I am overweight, I know that my health could be better and I could be fitter if I lost some weight.  I have dieted over the years and never really got on top of it.  Ill lose a stone or two and then slowly gain it back.  Also whilst I was ill, my weight just didn’t seem like a priority. But now I feel that if I don’t lose weight and something goes wrong with the surgery or my recovery, that it will be my own fault.  I feel that I have to do this now to give myself the best chances of an easy recovery.

I know it isn’t as simple as that and that complications can arise whatever your weight, but now I have heard it, I feel its something I must do.  It feels easier to say no to that slice of cake or takeaway because the fear of surgery going wrong is far higher than my desire to eat fatty foods or chocolate and sweets. I have six months to lose the weight, so Im just getting back on the healthy eating, going to the gym and getting more exercise.  Wish me luck! getting fit after surgery

I think a lot of this has to do with control too, I have little control over what happens with my body at the moment, the surgery isn’t what I planned for my life but I need to have it and so it is out of my hands.  I can’t control the disease or treatment, but I can control how I treat my body, what fuel it gets and how I exercise and so that is what Ill do.

I need to know I am going into the surgery match fit and so if that means cutting out the cake and hitting the gym hard, that is what Im going to do.

Sam xx