How do you define beauty?

We all know the old sayings of ‘beauty is skin deep’ and ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ but do we actually live by them? Beauty is a billion dollar industry, we are sold images of beauty every day, studies say we see over 3500 marketing messages a day designed by marketing execs to show this narrow western ideal of beauty.

My talk last week for International Women’s Day was about chronic illness and body image and so it got me thinking about beauty, how we see ourselves, how the world defines beauty and where we fit into that concept.

My friend Helen sent me a message telling me to take a look at motivational speaker Lizzie Velasquez, she has an extremely rare disorder which means she cannot gain weight and I watched a video of hers called ‘How do you define beauty?’ where she talks about how she found a youtube video of herself naming her as the worlds ugliest woman.  I was blown away.  Watch this video and then think about it next time you want to make a ‘funny’ comment on a youtube video or random photo on the internet.  Remember her words ‘I felt like someone was reaching through the computer screen and punching me’, think about that before you post a comment about a celebrity or an unflattering picture of a stranger.

The amazing thing about Lizzie is her positivity, she accepts the life and the body she has and makes the absolute most of it.  Her strength, humour and positive attitude are BEAUTIFUL.

So how do you define beauty? Is it flawless skin and a size 0 figure? The perfect gym body? Toned arms and a six pack? Big pert breasts?  Or is it more than that?

Beauty to me is confidence, uniqueness, pride, kindness, positivity.  Beauty can be found everywhere if you are open to seeing it.  Size 0 or size 30, beauty is inside us all.  We just need to accept ourselves and let the awesomeness inside shine through, I KNOW that is easier said than done.  But we need to change the nature of society where we as women constantly put ourselves down, we are our own harshest critics and we need to be kinder to ourselves.

Its a shame that it took major surgery and living with an ileostomy bag for me to recognise and voice my wonder of my body.  It shouldn’t take such a drastic thing to see beauty in oneself.

We need to stop with the negative comments we make into the mirror and start with positive affirmations.  Say to yourself  ‘you are amazing’ ‘you are beautiful’ ‘you kick ass’ – say them enough times and you may start believing them.

self esteem quotes sam cleasby so bad ass

Think about the people in your life who are truly beautiful.  Do they fit into the tiny select package that beauty magazines tell us is beautiful? I have this friend and she is beautiful, but you would never hear her say those words because sadly she doesn’t believe them.  I wish she could see herself through my eyes, I see her as this magnificent person, she is kind hearted, open with her emotions, has  these gorgeous eyes that break my heart when they shine with tears.  I love her hair and she has an awesome rack… She has an amazing style, one of those annoying people who throw on several things that layer up like she’s just walked off a quirky fashion show.  Her heart is so big, she cares ferociously about those around her and has the most beautiful aura.

That is beauty.  That is what counts.

We need to stop giving ourselves such a hard time and be more ready with compliments for ourselves and those around us.  I am learning to accept compliments, I used to be embarrassed by them and make an argument as to why the person giving them was wrong…

Nice person – “I love your hair!”

Me – “Really? Have you not seen my roots?”

Nice person – “Your dress is beautiful”

Me – “This? It was really cheap.  And Im wearing massive fat pants to fit into it”

WHY???? Why do we do this? And so I make myself accept a compliment graciously with a “Thank you, that’s so kind” It doesn’t feel right, perhaps immodest to do this but I know I need to learn to be kind to myself and so if someone is nice enough to be kind to me, I have to learn to accept it.

If you do only one thing today, make it something good for yourself, tell yourself you are awesome.  Find just one thing that is amazing about you and say it out loud to yourself. (Perhaps do this at home rather than on public transport though as shouting “I have amazing breasts” on the bus is generally frowned upon)

Love Sam xxxx

IWD talk at Barnsley Town Hall – Body Image and Self Esteem

On Saturday 8th March I was invited to talk at Barnsley Town Hall as part of International Women’s Day by Experience Barnsley.  My talk was about my journey of ten years of chronic illness, surgery and living with a stoma.  I talked about Ulcerative Colitis and how my colectomy and ileostomy affected my life.

It was about raising awareness, trying to stop poo being taboo and relating my story to the average woman.  It was about body image, self esteem, confidence and positivity and how we need to both learn how to love ourselves as women and how to pass these things onto the young women of future generations.

Have a watch and please feel free to leave me a comment telling what you think.

Thanks for watching!

Sam xx

When things aren't going so well

It’s hard to be positive all the time, in fact it’s damn near impossible. The last couple of weeks have had ups and downs and I’m feeling the strain.

I blogged about Fridays events, Saturday we had friends over for dinner and had a brilliant night, it felt great to have a relaxed, fun dinner party with some wonderful mates. Overnight on Saturday I struggled to sleep,  having aches and cramps and just not feeling too good, Sunday was a chill out day but in the evening I was making dinner with Timm when the hernia struck again.

I went straight to bed and laid down, took my bag off and saw this big hard lump in my stomach right behind my stoma.  It was my insides coming through the hole in my muscles and it was fucking agony.  It was the same pain as Friday night so though it was extremely painful, it was slightly less scary as I knew what was happening.

chronic illness quotes

It felt like labour pains, a huge pressure in my abdomen and an unrelenting pain.  I was crying and panting and just couldn’t catch my breath, after an hour of this I asked Timm to call the hospital but with it being a Sunday night, my usually contacts of the stoma nurse, or stoma team at the hospital were unavailable.  In the end he called NHS Direct who seemed not to really understand the situation (they kept asking if I were opening my bowels and Timm kept explaining about the ileostomy).  Eventually after drinking peppermint tea, laying flat and having a heat compress on my stomach, I managed to massage and maneuver my intestine back through the muscle wall and the pain stopped.

I have seen my stoma nurse since who confirms that it is a hernia, and that the lumps and pain is due to my intestine squeezing through the hole in my muscles and getting kinked and stuck.  She says that hernias happen in around 40% of people with an ileostomy and that now the weakness is here, it won’t go away on its own and will just keep getting worse.

I have been in touch with my consultant who sees no point in performing a hernia repair operation as I am planning to have the pouch surgery this year anyway.  Originally I had asked if this could be performed in late September to fit around a crazy busy summer with work and our wedding vow renewal on September 6th.  This probably isn’t going to happen now, Mr Brown wants to bring the surgery right forward and I am seeing him this Friday to discuss.

The other thing I am struggling with at the moment is insomnia and tiredness.  Im struggling to fall to sleep and some nights Im up till 4 or 5am and then I feel exhausted all day.

I feel like I have taken a big step backwards in my recovery at the minute.  Everything seemed to be going so well, I recovered brilliantly and traveling in December and January was amazing, yet now six months down the line problems are sneaking up on me.

worrying quotes

Im not great at the minute emotionally or mentally.  I have been so busy with the talk at IWD and work as well as moving house this week that Im running on adrenaline I think, but in those quiet times at home I am feeling quite down.  I feel disappointed that I am struggling, Im a little angry that I have this hernia and I feel quite guilty that I have slipped back down the road of recovery and Im back to having to rest a lot and leave Timm to much of the things that need doing.

My sleep patterns are a problem, I just can’t fall asleep but then in the morning I am so exhausted that I can’t wake up, this teamed with the hernia means that Timm is doing 90% of the school runs, Im missing out on our family swim each week and I don’t feel confident enough to exercise, go to the gym or go out walking which isn’t helping my mood.

Im really anxious about bring surgery date forward, I have made the decision that I am going for the pouch surgery but thought I had six months to prepare myself physically and mentally for it.  Im stressed that bringing the date forward is going to make things really difficult for work and worried that I won’t be well enough to enjoy our second wedding.

feeling stressed quotes

But I do know that it is a particularly stressful time in my life.  This year I am moving house, getting married, running one business whilst working for another AND trying to build a brand for this blog and myself.  All this on top of not being in great physical shape and facing more major surgery.  Oh and raising three kids and running a house…

So I suppose it is normal that Im feeling weepy, stressed and frustrated.  It would probably be weird if I wasn’t worrying about the ton of things going on in my life.  Im trying to keep things in perspective though, accepting my feelings rather than swallowing them down.  Talking about the stresses Im feeling rather than pretending everything is ok.

Ill update more at the weekend when I have seen my consultant and know what the next step is.

Thanks for reading

Love Sam x

My brave body is no less beautiful because of its scars

My ileostomy is part of me and my scars , stoma and bag make my body no less beautiful than a body without.

If you have an ostomy, be proud of it, own it, love it. It probably wasn’t part of your life plan but it’s here now and you need to accept it and know it is saving your life.

My ileostomy bag is not unattractive, it’s not scary looking or disgusting.  I love the softness and femininity of these images, the lines of my body and lines of my bag become one.

I’m proud of my body and it’s strength, I celebrate my ostomy by showing the world that beauty is not about perfection, beauty is in everything, if only we can have a mind that is open to it.

woman with ileostomy bag beauty art empowerment confidence

woman with ileostomy bag beauty art empowerment confidence

woman with ileostomy bag beauty art empowerment confidence

Love Sam x

Thank you

I just wanted to say a massive thank you to Experience Barnsley, especially Jemma and May for inviting me to talk at International Women’s day yesterday, to Mel Dyke for her warmth and support, to everyone who came to support me and to my husband Timm who filmed the talk for me and is always my biggest cheerleader.

Thanks to the awesome Katie Edwards who was a fellow speaker, thanks for joining me in silliness and Obama selfies and your brilliant talk, Admen and Eve. It was great to meet you!

Thanks to Lorna Warren and Anne Fay for their interesting talks too.

I had an amazing day and despite my nerves, I LOVED it and can’t wait to do it again!

The film is being edited now and so I’ll get it up on the site ASAP!

sam cleasby blogger sheffield ulcerative colitis stoma body image

Love Sam xx

Keep Your Fork – Brand Booster – a review

Last year I went on a PR and Marketing course called Brand Booster run by marketing consultancy Keep Your Fork.  Run by the thoroughly charming, infectiously positive and wonderfully inspiring Faye Smith it was a six week course run once a week in Sheffield.  This is a review of the course, I have not been paid for this article and all opinions are my own.

I met Faye at a networking meeting, she is one of those people who walk in the room and bring with them such a massive personality and confidence that you are immediately drawn to them.  As I listened to her talk, I was drawn in by her and felt I wanted to talk to her more.  She later told me about her workshop on PR and marketing and I thought it would be great for our photography business The Picture Foundry.  It was £397 for the six week workshop and after careful consideration I decided to go ahead and book on.

keep your fork brand booster

I know this seems like an awful lot of money, but I compared it to paying for an advert in a good magazine and thought I could learn more and earn more from gaining this knowledge and skills.

It was held at a lovely pub on Ecclesall Road in Sheffield, on my first week I was terrified as I walked into the room, but I was warmly welcomed by Faye and immediately felt settled.  I had emailed Faye beforehand and told her about my Ulcerative Colitis, that I was having a flare up and explained what that meant.  I told her about how I may need to leave the room suddenly as I didn’t want it to be awkward on the day.  She emailed straight back and was so understanding and compassionate, saying anything I needed she would sort.  So when I walked in the room and realised just how narrow the route to the loo would be if I was at the end of the table I had a slight panic, but she had thought it through and had nonchalantly put her coat and bag over the chair nearest the toilet, she then said “Sam, why don’t you sit here!”

It sounds like a really small thing, but when you are in a flare, things like access to a toilet becomes vital.  It almost stopped me attending as I was terrified of being embarrassed by running to the toilet or even worse, having an accident in front of a room full of business people!!

Over six weeks Faye teaches you about the following topics; Creating your personal profile, Writing a press release and handling the media, creating a PR plan for press, radio and TV, developing a marketing plan, developing a sales plan and contact strategy and your person style, image and photos.

sam cleasby blogger writer self esteem body image womens health and happiness

You get an email each week with all the notes from the day along with a piece of homework to develop your skills.  Along with this you get Faye as your personal PR machine, sending you all her press requests and supporting you in finding journalistic opportunities for your business.

Its the sort of course where you have to work at it.  She isn’t a magician and isn’t going to make money just fall into your lap.  But what she does is inspire you, teach you and support you in learning everything you need to know about PR and marketing for your business.

Some of it is common sense.  But that sort of annoying common sense where you know you SHOULD know it and be following the rules but just don’t.  Other things are just a real insight into how to push your business PR ahead of your competitors.

There is a little business speak, but on the whole it is really easy to understand and clear.  If I didn’t understand anything I felt completely confident to raise my hand and ask a question without feeling silly.  It was just a really friendly yet professional course, not at ALL stuffy like some business workshops and conferences I have attended before.

So results? Within three months of the course I had got myself, my photography business and the arts group I work for into local and national press and even a 4 page spread in a national magazine.  In the eight months I have got both businesses on Radio Sheffield as well as other local radio stations.  It gave me real life skills of how to make the media work for me in a simple, easy to follow format.  I keep my notes and refer back to them all the time.

It did one other thing.  Faye inspired me to start this blog and really push it forward.  She told me that everyone has a story, something unique and interesting about them that the world wants to hear about.  I had never thought about using my illness and my experience in this way before.  Since starting this blog I have had well over 30,000 views, hundreds of emails and messages of support.  I have been featured on other blogs and I was invited onto BBC radio Sheffield to talk about my International Women’s Day talk.

international womens day 2014

I wouldn’t say its all down to Faye and the course, like I said it isn’t magic.  What I have achieved is down to my hard work, innovation and stubbornness but the skills I learnt have been invaluable.  I now know how to contact journalists, how to write my press releases and I have a solid marketing, PR and sales plan.  I left the course feeling confident and inspired and ran with the ideas, skills and support given to me.  It has changed the way I do business for the better, and things are really going from strength to strength for me.

Just so you know, the amount of free advertising we have had through the skills I learnt on the course outweigh the cost of the course many, many times over.  But you have to be prepared to work at it, if you need some guidance on PR and marketing for your business I would wholly recommend Keep Your Fork and the Brand Booster, but you have to take what is given and make it your own, then work your arse off at it!

Ill give you one example, Faye talked about tying an event to an ‘international day’, she gave us a link to a website with all the weird and wonderful days on it (http://www.national-awareness-days.com/), we talked about different ways to use this to your business’ advantage.  I took a look and realised that a couple of weeks later was Yorkshire Day and started plotting.  With the confidence and skills I had learnt along with a shed load of initiative and probably a couple of loose screws I decided I wanted to do an event on Filey Beach for Yorkshire Day with the arts group Responsible Fishing.  I got on to councils, leapt through hoops and skipped with the red tape and pulled off an event that they said was just too short noticed.  I then got on to local newspapers and radio and got the event covered by several newspapers, three different radio stations and got local councillors to come down to support the event.  You can have a look at the day here.

responsible fishing yorkshire day sand art

responsible fishing yorkshire day sand art

responsible fishing yorkshire day sand art

From this, the group got a huge boost to their audience, Facebook and twitter followers increased and traffic to the site was up.  I was happy with this, we hadn’t been paid for the day, but had managed to get free accommodation from the lovely Filey Brigg campsite.  Then we got a message from somebody who’d seen the day and commissioned the group to do a big paid piece of land art on another beach.  This one event sparked from an idea from Faye has grown into a lot of well paid work and a TON of free advertising.

I think this is a great example of the results of the course.  Like I said, nothing is handed to you on a plate, but it is what you make of the advice given.

For more information on Brand Booster and Keep Your Fork, see the website.

If you would like me to review your product or event get in touch now for details or see the Writing page.

Sam xx

Interview on BBC Sheffield – International Women's Day

I was thrilled to be asked to go on to BBC Radio Sheffield to talk about my part in International Women’s Day with Experience Barnsley.  It was on the fabulous Paulette Edwards show and I had a great time.  It was totally nerve wracking but Im so glad I did it and can’t wait to go on again!

bbc radio sheffield

sam cleasby so bad ass

bbc radio sheffield

sam cleasby so bad ass

It was my first ever time in a radio studio and I think you can really hear the nerves for the first half of the interview but I relaxed into it and had a fantastic time.  Thanks so much to Paulette!

You can listen to the interview below.

Love Sam xx

Why EVERYONE should be a feminist

Ahead of my talk at International Women’s Day on Saturday I got thinking about what the day stands for.  Annually on 8 March, thousands of events are held throughout the world to inspire women and celebrate their achievements.  It’s a celebration of women.  A  day when we can all come out and blow our vuvuzellas, join together in strength, feel good, celebrate being women, a day of recognition of women and solidarity.  A day of feminism.

But are we all feminists?

“Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies aimed at defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, and socialrights for women.  This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment. A feminist advocates or supports the rights and equality of women.”

this is what a feminist looks like

Yet feminism is sometimes seen as a dirty word, there comes a sly snigger and talk of hairy armpits and lesbians when conversation turns to feminism.  People fearing to identity themselves with the word lest is taints them, makes them seem aggressive, political or in some way trouble.

Here are some (quite astonishing) quotes from celebrity women regarding feminism.

Geri Halliwell, she of “girl power” said this

“It’s about labelling. For me feminism is bra-burning lesbianism. It’s very unglamorous. I’d like to see it rebranded. We need to see a celebration of our femininity and softness.”

When Bjork was asked if she were a feminist, she replied

“No, because I think it would isolate me. I think it’s important to do positive stuff. It’s more important to be asking than complaining.”

Lady Gaga

“I’m not a feminist – I hail men, I love men. I celebrate American male culture, and beer, and bars and muscle cars….”

Madonna

“I’m not a feminist, I’m a humanist.”

Let’s go back to that definition – “A feminist advocates or supports the rights and equality of women”

So what makes Madonna et al so afraid of being a proud, badge wearing, card carrying feminist? Are the negative connotations so strong that the word stokes fear into the heart of some of the most famous women in the world?

Luckily there are many who will proudly speak out.

kate-nash-quote-feminism

I am a feminist, my husband is a feminist, my three children are feminists.  I would go as far as to say that I really wouldn’t want to talk to anyone who doesn’t identify themselves as feminists.

If you are questioning now whether you are a feminist or not, luckily there is a online quiz for that, take the test and come back to me…

http://www.amiafuckingfeminist.com/

Clear now? Good.

I read this quote from an article by Laurie Penny in the Guardian and it really struck a chord with me.

“The stereotype of the ugly, unfuckable feminist exists for a reason – because it’s still the last, best line of defence against any woman who is a little too loud, a little too political. Just tell her that if she goes on as she is, nobody will love her.”

I am a strong, bold woman.  Im a married mother of three. I am many things and one of them is a feminist.  I have no fear in saying that loud and proud.  What about you?

People who shout down feminists, who mock, berate or fear them need to realise that feminism isn’t about that stereotype, its about your daughter, your sister, your mother, your female friends.  It is about every person in this world having equal opportunities whatever their gender.  If you honestly do not believe that women deserve equal rights to men then you are, well, I can’t even think of the words.  Ill just suggest you go and educate yourself.  Or perhaps go and explain your beliefs to your mother or daughter, that you don’t believe they are worth as much as a man…

If you DO believe in equality for women then identify yourself as a feminist.  Be proud that you are a good and decent person and don’t be afraid to speak out.

We’ll end this sermon with a picture of pretty much my favourite celebrity fella, Patrick Stewart

Patrick-Stewart feminist

Love Sam x

stoma funnies

Stoma lols

Fashion tips for women with ileostomy or colostomy bags

One of the questions I get asked a lot is how do you choose clothes to wear with your ileostomy bag, and so I thought Id do a little post on the question…

Its a funny one because my first reaction is ‘Wear whatever the hell you want to” and that is my general rule.  But there are a few things I wear for comfort and ease…

1. Maternity trousers

I know, I know, wearing maternity trousers when you aren’t pregnant seems awful, but they are FANTASTIC.  You can get a ton of different styles these days from most high street stores and they are really affordable.

I went for maternity jeans because from the crotch down they look like any other pair of trousers, but that soft stretchy band above makes them super comfortable and holds your bag snugly against your stomach so it just feels so safe.  Wearing these means I happily wear jeans and a vest and don’t even think about my bag.

2. Don’t feel that you have to hide it

The fact is that sometimes you will be able to make out the shape of your bag under your clothes, but seriously who cares?  What is the absolute worse that will happen? Someone will ask you what it is, you tell them.  The End.  Wear what make you feel good, if you can see the bag, own it and make it awesome…

ileostomy bag and fashion

I love this tshirt and didn’t want to go bigger and get a baggy top, I know you can see the shape of my bag through and so what!

ileostomy bag and fashion

I bought this is Australia and its totally see through… I think Im rocking it!

3.  In there like swimwear

I looked at a few ileostomy swimming costumes and never found one I liked and so I just wear what I already have! On the beach or sunbathing I am happy to wear a bikini and just let is all hang out…

ileostomy bag and fashion swimwear ileostomy bag and fashion having fun swimwear ostomy stoma

If I want to cover up on the beach, or at the local swimming pool I wear a one piece, if you are bothered about people seeing it, go for a large pattern.

ileostomy bag and fashion swimwear

4. Tight fitting clothes.

You had your bowel removed, you did not become a nun.  If you liked wearing tight fitting clothes before there is no reason you can’t still wear them.  It comes down to confidence and self esteem – your bag has probably saved your life, its not something to be ashamed of, wear what makes you feel amazing.

ileostomy bag and fashion

5. Loose women

If you want to go baggy then do it, but do it because you love the dress, not because you want to cover everything up.

ileostomy bag and fashion

6. In the bedroom

I don’t usually talk about ‘bedroom stuff’ just because it isn’t really something I want my mum or kids to read, but regarding clothes Ill talk a bit.  There are some specialist lingerie sets for ostomates, I have had a look and to be honest they aren’t for me.  There are specialist wraps but in a way I find them a little bit offensive, its like saying I need to cover up my bag for my partner to find me sexually attractive.

I tend to wear a vest in bed because I feel more comfortable when my bag is close against my skin, but honestly, with the right partner, you really don’t need to worry about what you are wearing in the bedroom.  I think sex is about trust and respect, if my partner didn’t want to see my bag during sex, he probably wouldn’t be the right partner for me.

7. Underwear

I tend to wear big panties, you know the high waisted ones, I do this because I prefer to have the cotton between my skin and the bag.  Its total personal preference, you can buy specialist underwear that has a pouch in it for your bag.  I haven’t bothered with these so far as Im comfortable in what I have.

8. Wear what makes you feel amazing…

This is the main point.  Clothes are such a personal choice, there is little reason for you to change your style because of your bag.  There are a few things I avoid nowadays because of the position of my stoma, waistbands need to go above or below my stoma to feel comfortable.  I’d never stop wearing something that I loved unless it was ridiculously impractical or uncomfortable.

ileostomy bag and fashion

Wear what makes you feel awesome and amazing, you deserve it xxx

Love Sam xxx