Dear Santa,

Hey there big man, I thought I’d better jot down a quick note to say hi.  It’s that time of year again so I know your inundated but here’s what I’d like for Christmas.

My first wish was going to be for me to have no surgeries in 2016, but this damn illness of mine has scuppered that already and I’m going in January for a biggie!

They’re removing my Jpouch and creating a permanent ostomy. Some people might wish for Barbies at chrimbo, me? I’m getting a Barbie Butt.

barbie butt permanent ostomy

They’re going to remove everything and give me a new stoma, as well as sorting the other issues caused by all this illness.

It’s a long and complicated surgery, so Father Christmas, can I ask to come through it safely.  I’m scared you see and I just want to know that I’ll be ok and come home to my babies.

It would be nice if I had no other operations next year too, if you can manage it.

I’d also like to ask for an easier time in general. This year has been tough, I’ve been ill a lot and I hate the pressure it puts in my husband and kids.  They deserve a wife and mum who isn’t always ill, tired or in bed.

Whilst you’re at it, keep them healthy, happy and ridiculously weird.  They’re my favourite people in the world and I want to see them smile more.

family days out sheffield

Please let this surgery work. I just want to be well and not exhausted. I don’t think it’s too much to ask at 34 if you could stop me crapping myself.  I just want to be normal.  Not too normal!! I just don’t want to be sick any more.

Better treatments and a cure would be good too! Crohn’s and Colitis UK are doing well but a little festive, magical boost wouldn’t go amiss!

Help me to deal with all the new year is bringing me. I know I’ve had an ostomy before but this is all so permanent and to be honest, I’m scared I’m not going to deal with it very well. A sprinkling of bravery from you would help.

sam cleasby parenting blogger fathers self esteem

Santa, please bring me the courage to keep speaking out. Give me the ability to help others who are struggling and be a beacon of confidence, weirdness and hope for those following my footsteps with shitty chronic illness. Help me to carry on being The Poo Lady with pride.

I may not have been all good this year, but fingers crossed, I am still on the nice list!
Sam xx

8 replies
  1. Donald
    Donald says:

    Dear Samantha you are the best you are very resilient thank you for sharing those feelings and emotions you have a beautiful family .I wish I could take some of your pain away but I have my own to deal with . I wish you the best year ever in 2016 and many to come.
    Donald From Canada

    Reply
  2. Gail
    Gail says:

    I am concerned to see that Crohn’s and Colitis wish to employ another 6 people. How much money are they wasting on wages now? Seems very wasteful.
    Love Gail. xx

    Reply
  3. Alice
    Alice says:

    Sam, I want to tell you something you might not have come to grips with yet. It’s okay to be afraid. I was when I got my permanent ostomy after my j-pouch failed me. I was frankly, scared shitless (pun intended). After having this permanent ostomy for almost 20 years now, I know my life is better and more controllable overall. Yeah, I have the occasional bag crisis in a public place, but it’s why I carry a spiffy looking Vera Bradley mailbag purse, because it’s perfect for ostomy supplies. You are one of the primary reasons I now will talk about this part of me in public. Sign me “No longer worried about my ostomy!”

    Reply
  4. Nat Nat
    Nat Nat says:

    To Sam
    MERRY CHRISTMAS to you and all your family xx😍☃🍷🍾🍹🍻
    & A HAPPY HEALTHY NEW YEAR XX 🍷🍾🍻

    Lots of love hugs & kisses from Nat xxxx💩

    Reply
  5. Millymollymandy
    Millymollymandy says:

    I hve a barbie butt although I don’t call it that; it’s not as pretty as Barbie’s. I still can’t sit without donut cushions 10 months later and have all sorts of problems with nerve damage to bladder, vagina etc, not to mention something like an abscess which formed after the surgery on my perineal scar and it opened up and it took three months to heal up wih a nurse coming in daily to clean and dress the wound.

    This is not an easy surgery but it’s the problems AFTER that are worse than the surgery itself. Make sure you are well informed beforehand because if your surgeon/docs are anything like mine they tell you nothing about the afterwards. You have to find it all out yourself on the internet,. That’s why I put it all on my blog, even though it’s a nature log but I do a health update at the end seperately. I hope it is easier for you as hopefully they will chop less out as you don’t have a tumour like I did but it’s still very radical surgery. Wishing you all the best. xx

    Reply

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