World IBD Day 2021 – I am not broken

It is World IBD Day today and to celebrate this day, I thought I would write a little about the journey I am on and have been on for so long. After multiple surgeries and when my body is scarred, in pain and struggling, it is easy to feel broken. But I am not broken. I am a survivor.

I am at art college in Sheffield and my practice this year has all been around trauma, especially the medical trauma I have faced. I decided to do a photography project with myself in the frame. I wanted to show a body that may be in the middle of trauma but is also healing, both physically and emotionally.

Sam Cleasby disability activist and blogger sits naked covering her body with her arms, she has an ileostomy bag and is covered in medical tubing

Wrapped in medical tubing, naked and baring my soul, I am defiant, I am fighting, I am a survivor. There are times when I feel so weak and afraid of everything, but this is my anger, my strength, my fight. My stoma and my scars are the war wounds of my life and I will wear them with pride, they are a visual reminder of the battles I have faced and won. Sometimes, it doesn’t feel like a win, but I am still here and every survival is a celebration of life.

My body has changed so much over the years, I am currently the heaviest I have ever been, I have hernias that jut from my belly like melons, I am covered in scars and take so much medication every single day. It wasn’t easy to shoot this, to shed my defence layer of clothes and sit naked and vulnerable. But I am so glad I did, I feel empowered and beautiful.

Today isn’t an easy day, I am in pain and the meds have kicked in meaning my head is fuzzy and my words may be a little jumbled, but I am here.

I am not broken.

I am a survivor.

Happy World IBD Day,

Peace and love

Sam xx

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