sam cleasby ibd blogger

When you can’t hold it…

I have seen two stories today about different situations where institutions have put rules in place regarding toilet breaks and it really got me thinking about how distressing this can be for those who can’t just hold it.

The first was regarding comedian Frankie Boyle and how his shows have put restrictions on people leaving the auditorium during his 70 minute show.  Security staff at the King’s Theatre in Glasgow were ordered to escort fans to another part of the building until the performance was over if they left to use the bathroom.  According to the Mirror, the general manager James Howarth said “The show is only 70 minutes long so it’s not an unreasonable request.”

The second story was about St Teilo’s Church in Wales High School in Cardiff that sent out text messages telling parents their children must have a doctor’s note if they want to go to the toilet regularly during lessons.  It said: ‘If your child needs to be allowed out of lessons to go to the toilet then please provide a medical note in the next week so they can be issued with a pass.’

public toilet sign

 

Now I understand that disruption of shows or classes can be annoying to others, but as a person who regularly has to use the toilet and can’t always hold it, believe me, it is more annoying to me than anyone else! I have two different view points on the two stories though.

Regarding the show, it is just so disheartening to know that these rules are in place, though it isn’t great to disturb a show, it is sometimes a necessity.  There is nothing that sets more fear into my heart than the idea of being unable to get to a loo in time.  Take off and landing during flights make me sweat because as soon as I hear the words that the toilets are out of bounds, my stomach churns, my guts cramp and my body panics!

Rules like this exclude people with bowel or bladder conditions from these social occasions.  They increase anxiety and add to isolation.  If you struggle with toilet issues and need to go regularly, then it can be very difficult to mentally deal with being out in public and if you cannot access toilets with ease then it can rule out certain events altogether.  The quote from the manager REALLY pissed me off. It IS an unreasonable request to expect some people to not be able to use the loos for over an hour.  Every theatre/comedy/music show I have been to also tend to have huge queues so leaving it as long as possible just isn’t an option when you know you could end up in a 20 minute queue afterwards.

Invisible disability is everywhere and there are many people with needs and issues that can’t be seen easily and these people shouldn’t have to explain to a theatre attendant their complex medical needs.  Places need to be more inclusive not be excluding people based on disability.

The school story initially upset me a lot more.  The idea of kids having toilet access restricted was quite disturbing as children with bowel or bladder issues have a hard enough time as it is let alone having to produce a doctor’s note.  But in reading the story I think it was just a badly worded text with a genuinely caring message at heart.

The school appears to be putting into place a system where those who have genuine medical issues can have the ability to go to the toilet unchallenged as the school will know which kids have a need to go.  It must be very difficult for teachers to know who is really needing to go and who is doing it to waste time/mess about.  I remember when I was at school that a toilet break was often used to go for a wander/grab a drink/raid the chocolate machine/chat to my boyfriend… (Don’t tell on me!!!)

I suppose the problem with this is that some kids may develop symptoms of illness and need to suddenly go often and without a doctors note they may not be believed.  Children, especially teens tend to hide symptoms of what they deem as embarrassing illnesses.  They may have not even told their parents, let alone been to the doctors yet!

ibd blogger office loo toilet ulcerative colitis

 

The other problem is that sometimes it takes a long time for doctors to correctly diagnose these illnesses, I speak to so many people with IBD who were initially fobbed off with a diagnoses’ of everything from piles to anxiety.  Perhaps we just need to trust that some students will sometimes need to go to the toilet more often than others in order to not isolate, embarrass and upset those who have a genuine need.

If you have ever soiled yourself in public you will know that this isn’t a joke.  It is mortifying and can make you feel that you should stay home forever, it can make you feel embarrassed, humiliated and inhuman.  It can make you feel life isn’t worth living.

Are these things worth it to stop some minor disruption to classes and social events?

I think not.

 

Sam

5 replies
  1. Donald
    Donald says:

    I’m from Ottawa Canada because of financial hardship I go shopping at Salvation Army stores things are all donated and sold at dirt cheap prices but for some unknown reason they don’t have washrooms at all if the needs arises you need to go outside and walk to the nearest store to find a washroom and if your early in the morning some of the others stores are not open yet what then …. You jump in your car and drive to the nearest gas station . I will be looking into it to see with the law you can have a store that doesn’t have washrooms . THIS REALLY PISS ME OFF !

    Reply
  2. AngelFrouk
    AngelFrouk says:

    I must say I’m quite upset by reading the school story. It seems ridiculous to me that one can’t go to the toilet when needed without having a pass.
    It brings back so many bad memories for me.
    I’ve been challenged so many times about why I needed to go to the toilet again, just because I was on my period. My periods have always been very bad and I had to use the toilet at least every hour, most of the time every 30 minutes. Last year I was in a course for work when the teacher told us that we could only go to the toilet in the break. Which was two hours away. I put my coursematerial back in my bag and stood up to leave. She then lectured me about how I needed this course to continue doing my job. I screamed at her (yes, hormonal) and told her that I would be needing the toilet probably every 30 minutes or so. She said I couldn’t so I left and made a formal comlaint about it. Lets just say shit got real for her…
    Thankfully the problems I faced for the last 25 years are now gone, together with my uterus!

    Reply
  3. Natalie Johnson (@AfricanDream01)
    Natalie Johnson (@AfricanDream01) says:

    Hi Sam

    Thank you for another wonderfully written post. This topic is so close to my heart. Your post reminded me of the time I wet myself in the doorway of my classroom because I had waited to long to ask the teacher permission to leave the room. Being physically disabled and always mocked and teased at school for the way I walk (I walk with a limp) I usually avoid leaving a room when nobody else is leaving because then all the attention is on me instead of me just disappearing in the crowd. This has even followed me into adulthood where I still hold back as long as possible in the hope that I can last till the end of the meeting or event or till intemission so I can “go”.

    All this holding back as a child has resulted in me developing Lymphadaema as an adult which means I have to take a diuretic daily to help move the fluids along because they accumulate at my ankles. Taking a diuretic has its own challenges because when you need to go you need to go – there’s no time to wait. This means that if I’m not sure how accessible a toilet is going to be I rather stay home for the day or not take my tablet for that day. This also limits outings like going to the theatre, cinema etc Sometimes even going shopping is a challenge.

    Thanks again for the post and making me realise that I’m not alone.

    Reply
  4. Nat Nat
    Nat Nat says:

    I think the world’s gone mad!
    This is the first time I’ve heard of the appalling attitude of Frankie Boyle.
    IF ANYONE IS UP FOR ATTENDING ONE OF HIS NO TOILET GIGS PLEASE GET IN TOUCH!
    A ROW OF OSTOMATES CHANGING/EMPTYING THEIR BAGS IN THE THEATRE/ARENA SHOULD SOON CHANGE HIS ATTITUDE TO THIS RIDICULOUS REQUEST!!!!!!!!!!
    I’m up for it! Anyone else got enough “GUTS” (left) xxxxxx

    Reply

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