The best mental breakdown I ever had…

Five years ago, I was preparing for j pouch surgery. I had a date booked in (ironically 30th April which is the date of my next surgery!) and I was mentally preparing myself for a big operation. When suddenly it was postponed by 6 weeks. All that emotion and adrenaline bottomed out and I was left utterly devastated. But in these dark times I ended up finding the most wonderful friendship.

I was so wound up readying myself for this huge surgery and when the plans changed it really knocked me and was a mess. I was crying and shaky, I couldn’t sort my head out and it was all a bit much. So I decided to run away from home! 

I spoke to my aunt and uncle in Spain. I booked flights to go have a week with them on my own to try to sort my head out. It was such a difficult time and I was overwhelmed by everything. The pain, the fear of surgery, the unknown were just all too much and I went into shutdown.

traveling with a stoma

A week in the sun

A week of sun, relaxing and time out was just what I needed. My family were so lovely to allow me to come stay with them when I was so down in the dumps.

“Just so you know” my aunty added “the boys will be here too!”

The boys are my cousins and I was thrilled that I’d be able to see them.

“And do you remember J from primary school? He is coming with his girlfriend and her daughter!”

Oh. I thought. That’s a lot of people. People I don’t know. And another woman. A stranger woman who might judge me. How can I have a mental breakdown in the sun with a strange woman watching me?!

Then I met her. Wrighty. And instantly fell in love.

Sam Cleasby friendship Sheffield lifestyle blogger

Friendship

Five years ago because of having a total breakdown and running away from home. I met one of the kindest, funniest, rudest, silliest, most loving women and gained a new friend for life.

She is so open and generous, kind and caring. She has an awfully sick sense of humour that makes me cackle. I feel so honoured and blessed to have her in my life.

Sam Cleasby Sheffield blogger friendship

The break was just what I needed, I came home feeling refreshed, positive and ready to face the surgery.

Over the years I have told Wrighty that I was dreading meeting her. That I couldn’t bear the thought of a strange woman being there in my lowest ebbs. And funnily enough she said that she thought ‘oh great! Some random cousin awaiting surgery! What a laugh this is going to be on our holiday!’

But we met and instantly connected. Sometimes you meet someone and know immediately that you’re meant to be friends. And I knew from the very first evening I met her that we are meant to be in each others lives. That our friendship was so real.

Sam Cleasby at Tramlines Sheffield

Though our friendship was so new, it felt like we’d known eachother a lifetime. She visited me in hospital weeks later. Helped me, Timm and the kids out and was there in the dark times of recovery when I just needed someone to cry at.

Love

And over the past five years, we’ve become firm friends. I’ve learnt so much from her, she’s so open with her love (that sounds weird) in that she is a very touchy feely person (I’m not making this better am I?) She made me realise how important it is to tell and show your friends that you love them and just how I probably had these walls up before that didn’t allow me to show my love so openly.

We’ve both faced good times and bad over the years and I just hope that I have been there for her as much as she’s been there for me.

It’s not often that you fing this sort of friendship. That you meet someone who you connect with so intensely, so when you do, hold it tight because that is bloody special.

Thank you Wrighty for being my friend.

✌🏽& ❤️

Sam xx

1 reply
  1. Judith Hunt
    Judith Hunt says:

    I love reading your posts… Memory is a powerful thing and it can make you happy or sad in a moment. Be grateful for the love of kind people you litter your life with Sam for it is a treasure not everyone can find. Hold on tight to those you share this gift with for they are the voice of reason when you have none, the shoulder to cry on when grey skies surround you and the provider of the best hugs to be swallowed up in when you feel you just can’t carry on. Wishing you and your beautiful family a happy Easter and peace and comfort as you countdown to surgery day. Love and hugs from the land downunder. xxx

    Reply

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