My stress levels are currently sky fucking high. My mind is whirring and buzzing, I can’t concentrate, my head just hops from one thing to another to another.
I’m due in for surgery on Wednesday and emotionally and mentally I’m all over the place.
I feel so fucking grumpy, and sad, frustrated, angry and out of control. Basically think of all the bad emotions and that’s where I’m at.
Logically I am ready for the surgery, I have no doubts and I know it’s the right thing for me. I have a fab, supportive husband, family and friends. I have managed to catch up with a lot of lovely friends in the past week so I should be feeling happy.
In reality the stress is just getting to me. I *think* it’s probably normal to feel stressed out and emotional before major surgery. But I just feel so shitty.
I’m exhausted, I could sleep 24 hours a day, I’m mardy and a little bad tempered. But then at times I sit awake for hours during the night with my head going into overdrive.
Stress is an odd thing and affects everyone differently. I think I’m usually upbeat and good at dealing with it. But right now it’s affecting me physically, I have a headache EVERY day and I’m absolutely drained of energy. Mentally I’m very anxious, I keep thinking that I won’t wake up from this surgery, but more than that I’m worrying about everything else, for example I keep thinking that we’ll have a car crash or a house fire. I find myself panicking when I watch the news thinking it will happen to us.
I have a lot going on right now and so Im trying not to stress about being stressed! I think it is a normal reaction to a scary situation, so I am accepting my mentalness right now and just getting through the next couple of days till the surgery is done and dusted.
Love Sam xxx